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Hi, I live in Georgia with my husband and his two grown children (ages 22 and 19) for the last 10 years. The 19 year old is into drugs and drinking and is constantly laying out of work (if she even has a job) and bringing her drug friends into our home when we are not there. There is evidence she has used drugs in our home. She is abusive (yes it has gotten physical) and is just a very mean person. She continuously disobeys the rules of our home. In general, she is disrespectful and hateful, and I could go on an on. She is constantly calling me names, having phone calls at all hours of the night, stealing my things, and leaving a mess for others to clean up. Some of this I can put up with (though I don't want to), but I draw the line at drugs in my home. I have told her numerous times that if she cannot live by our rules she needs to find another place to live. She just laughs and says I cannot throw her out. What can I do? I would like to have her legally and permanently removed from our home.
Eh, yes you can throw her out, I believe. She is over 18 but still enjoying the freedoms at home. Sounds like you need to roll up the 'mom' sleeves and make her see things from your side. If you do anything to enable her behavior (for example, clean up after her or do any of domestics) then stop, immediately. Question: Does your husband put up with this?
Yes, this is my husband's daughter. I have been trying for years to make her see things from my side, but she refuses to listen. I believe a lot of what she does is done purposefully because she feels I have no say in the house. After 10 years I am still considered an outsider in her eyes. We recently moved into a new home and I don't want it to be treated like the old home. We purposefully downsized from a 6,000 sq ft home to a 3,000 sq ft home so she and her friends wouldn't have anywhere to "hide" or "hang out." I refuse to clean up after her. To say her room is a pig-sty is an understatement. I get "some" support from my husband, but even after all these years he feels guilt from how his kids were treated in his previous marriage (their mom). The mom was/is an alcoholic and drug-addict, so this kids didn't have much of a chance from the start. I allowed that to be used as an excuse for their behavior for many years, but stopped about 3-years ago. My stepson has "got with the program" and is very respectful, sweet, and does his part around the house. He plays by the rules. On the other hand, by stepdaughter goes out of the way to make life miserable. She is a miserable person and wants everyone around her to be the same way. I just want her and her drug friends to go away, and the only way I know to make that happen is to have her legally removed from our home. My husband will agree as long as I am the one doing the dirty work, which I don't mind. The end result will be the same - she will be gone. Hopefully, this will open her eyes, she will wake up, and become the responsible young lady I hope she can be (some day). If it takes TOUGH LOVE for this one, then I'm there to give it! Thank you for your responses..... Lisa
I have been burdened with the exact problem for over 20 years. I was able to rid myself of this parasite at the sweet, innocent age of 28.
The father is not well and depends on me for his care. I am the only one working, cooking, cleaning or washing the laundry. I finally told her father that he could choose his partner for the balance of his life. It will be her or me. The step-daughter is no longer even allowed in the house.
Been there, in south east GA before, I put his clothes in trash bags on the porch, and changed all the locks, when he could not get into the house, he finally got the message.
I did not have to call the police for him comming back but would have if I had to.
Her actions, behavior indicates she has a serious problem which you are apparently aware of, why not try to get her treatment and dont forget counseling for yourself and the stepdaughters father - it will help you deal with the issues that are affecting you too.
Yes, this is my husband's daughter. I have been trying for years to make her see things from my side, but she refuses to listen.
I have seen this so many times. It is not your place to make her listen to you. It is her father's place to make her listen to him.
Try and look at it this way.....
They are blood. He is her father, and in her mind you are the intruder. In her mind you are "taking the place of" her mother. That is always bound to end in arguments.
When it comes to blended families it is always better for the "newcomer" (you) to be more of a friend to the child (daughter in this case). Once you begin being the rule maker and the enforcer, then you become the bad guy.
The blood relative is the one in blended families who should be the disciplinarian unless you two have been together since her infancy.
I understand you have been trying for "years to make her see things from my side," but she is not going to. You are not her parent. Her father is and so is her birth mother.
I don't know how old she was when you got together, but if she was over the age of about 6 you will always remain "the bad guy." All children, no matter what age, try almost every tactic in the world to get their parents back together. So she is going to do what she can to drive you apart.
You have to get on her good side. Be her confidant, be her friend, be her mentor. But by all means, do not be her disciplinarian.
Contact the sheriff's office and have her served with a notice of eviction. That'll give her probably 30 days, then she's out. Then change the locks and put her things out on the curb.
Pack her bags and change the locks . She's an adult . Leave her a note that she's not to come back on the property . If she does you will take legal action against her. With her being a drug user she may take her things and run !!!! Also tell her that you have your neighbors on the "look out" if you will . That if they see her around your house for them to call the police immediately . If she doesn't know the law . And is ignorant to that . Then she may just move on . Becaue eventually down the line . What will happen someone will overdose in your home , your home could become burgalarized , or the police could come an seize YOUR property .....because of her ....... Be tough . Let her know that you do hope she will get help . Oh you could order her into drug rehab . And hope that will work .
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