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afriendshelp · Apr 24, 2007, 01:23 PM

I Have A Problem, My Friend Came To For Help But Didn't Hav E Answer For Because I Never Been In That Kind Of Situation And She Ask How Do You Enforce A Father Who Is On Child Support To Come See His Child No W He Is Paying On Time But Can The Court Do Anything About It Oh Yeah And They Weren't Married So Can You Help Thanks For The Help

TheSavage · Apr 24, 2007, 01:58 PM

No he can not be forced to see his child.

And really if he was forced to see a child --do you believe that it would benefit the kid? -- Savage

shygrneyzs · Apr 24, 2007, 02:11 PM

Savage is right. You can enforce child support but you cannot enforce child visitation. Even if they had been married - NO matter what the divorce papers say about visitations and holidays and summers. It is not enforceable. Besides - if he does not see the child on his own free will, what makes him a better Dad to visit when ordered? He would likely take that frustration out on the child or neglect the child or any other thing you can come up with.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 24, 2007, 02:30 PM

You can not force them to visit, you can force them to pay but can not force them to visit

richcali · Apr 24, 2007, 02:53 PM

All you can do is send photos and video keep the father as much up to date as is possible if the child is old enough simple voice recording of the child talking to the father through them can cause a father to wake up. Do not have the child say things like wish you were here or I want to meet my father or anything like that. I would have the child tell the father things like today I did this or my friend is... and we like to play... my favorite book is what was your favorite book when you were little like me or your favorite sport. I think a very important issue here is to have the mother not push it at all. I think guys can get caught up in the childish act of " I wont do what you say" and if this is what the mother wants then he will never do it just to spite her. If this guy has any father abilities then hearing the child trying to relate should help. If the child is to young then create a memory book with things like favorite toy, teething at this age, foods the child likes and does not like, first hair cut and or locks of hair and lots of pictures without the mother or her family in them.

millec · Apr 25, 2007, 07:35 AM

You can not force a person to be a part of someone's life, even if it is their own child. If he has already made the decision that he does not want to be a part of the child's life than maybe its best for the child that he's not. Trying to force him to be a father can actually be hurtfull to the child both physically and mentally. If he feels like he is being "forced" to be a father to the child he may physically or mentally abuse the child just to get his visitation taken away from him. If he's not already doing it on his own, its best not to try and make him. He'll come around when he's ready, if not, the child may be better off without a person like that in his life.

excon · Apr 25, 2007, 07:48 AM

Hello a:

You make a man be a dad just like you put toothpaste back in the tube.

excon

Matt3046 · Apr 25, 2007, 08:06 AM

This may not be the situation at all. But allot of the time men feel like it is a hostile environment. In other words he may not wish to engage the mother or others involved. Maybe he would be open to meeting in a pubic place to do a drop off. But other than that it is a lost cause.

47yo · Apr 26, 2007, 01:21 PM

Yep - everyone who says that you can't (by law) force him to see his child is right.

whiteladybug2002 · Apr 26, 2007, 01:40 PM

What has this world come to that this question has to be asked? Why should parents be asked or told to see their child? When did parenting become a "if you want to" or "when your ready" type of thing?

No, you can't force someone to be a "parent." This is a sad world we live in!

My mom left me at 1 yrs old and infrequently visited until I was 4. At 9 yrs old, she showed up and I didn't know who she was. When I learned she was my mom, I was devastated. How could she leave me? I didn't see her again until I was 14 yrs old and at that time I rebelled against my grandparents that raised me. I blamed them for her not being there. I couldn't understand why she didn't want me?

So, I think if they don't come around early and stay around... they shouldn't come around at all! She only came around me to try to make herself feel better about what she had done, not for me! Unless the absent parent has made a life change and is truly dedicated to the best interest of the child and the child's future... Not for their own personal issues! It only messes with the child's mind!

Plus, parenting is not something you put off till your ready? When you make the choice to have sex, you accept the possibility of becoming a parent! Accept Resposibility!

Sorry I know I rant sometimes... well a lot! Haha

millec · Apr 26, 2007, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by whiteladybug2002

So, I think if they don't come around early and stay around............they shouldn't come around at all!! She only came around me to try to make herself feel better about what she had done, not for me! Unless the absent parent has made a life change and is truly dedicated to the best interest of the child and the child's future.......Not for their own personal issues!! It only messes with the child's mind!!

I agree with you 100% on that statement

mariellah1 · Jun 26, 2009, 07:28 PM

By not wanting to see his child is sad , but he will regret it when they both get older .