I live in TN. I have a 3 yr. old grandson whom I've taken care of since he was 4 weeks old. His parent(s) lived with me also until the mother died a year and a half ago from a drug overdose, upstairs in the bathtub with the child in the tub with her and was not found for 3 hrs. My son is the father, more like a sperm donor, he's not Dad material.

Five months after the mother died, my son, whom is 23 now moved in with a 19 yr. old girl that has also has a child. She then got pregnant, my son found out by DNA test that the baby is NOT his, but continues to live with her. This girl doesn't want to be around my 3 yr. old grandson, so he's not allowed to go to "their" place, yet she wants my son to be around "her" kids. He has been coming to "VISIT" his 3 yr. old son here at my house for the last year since he moved out. Now because the girlfriend can't handle taking care of 2 kids (she is 19) she wants him there at "their" house to help her. I suggested birth control.

So now my Son says he's only going to come VISIT his 3 yr. old son every other day and only 1 day on weekends. He didn't ASK, he TOLD me. He has NEVER provided any money, clothes or food for this child. Even when the Mom was alive, he was left with me 90% of the time. I told my son he needs to take responsiblity for his child and step up to the plate. I told him his little boy needs him now more than ever since his Mom is dead. So basically the little boy lost his Mom 2/07 and his dad moved out and left him 7/07. He was only 23 months old at the time. This has to affect him emotionally. Now he's going to be only coming 2 hrs. 2 days a week and once on weekend. I told him no, that he was to come everyday, he said NO, I'll be back in a couple of days......and every other day from here on out. THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

I told him to either be a responsible parent or sign custody of him over to me. As it is, I have no legal rights to this child, but yet I'm taking care of him 24/7 (with the exception of his 2 hr. visits), providing all his food, clothes, and everything else he needs. He won't give me any money or come watch his child for a couple of hours. If this was a daycare, they would call child services on him. I told him I wanted custody if he refuses to take responsiblity for his child and he threatened to kill me (blow my brains out), but yet he won't take care of him. My husband tried talking to him when he was leaving one night and my husband told him to stop using vulgar language in front of the child and he turned around and threw a can and hit my husband in the face, blood went everywhere and he had to go to the emergency room and get 10 stitches above and below his eye. He didn't call the police because it was my son.

I have one problem and my son blackmails me with it. I have a warrant out on me in another state for assault on my brother (he attacked me and I hit back in self defense), I was back home before I found out he called the police and took out a warrant and was shocked since he hit me several times first. I don't have the money to go to court, but make too much for court appointed attorney.....so I just stay out of that state. WILL THAT PREVENT ME FROM GETTING CUSTODY here in my home state if he tells the court I have a warrant out on me in another state?? To make it go away without spending $20,000 attorney fees to fight it (which I don't have), I would have to plead guilty and spend $5,000. attorney fees plus fines and end up with a criminal record. After that, I have no faith in the judical system. That's why it hasn't been dealt with. I've never even so much as had a traffic ticket.....always been an upstanding law biding citizen, what happened was a family argument after my dad died, my brother's way of keeping me out of state so I can't challenge him in court over my dad's estate. Will it affect my chances of getting custody of my grandchild if he tells the court, which I'm sure he will?

If I can't get custody, what am I suppose to do? How can someone just leave their child and expect someone else to raise it, take on all the financial responsibilities and go about their merry life. I love this little boy, he's been thru way more than he should ever have had to already in his short life of 3 yrs. My son is a pathological liar, irresponsible, selfish, neglectful person. Thank God my other 2 children are great parents and turned out great. Isn't there a law that can make him provide for this child's care? Or make him come take care of his child a couple of hours everyday? If not......what are my legal options? HELP!!

JS5893

Thanks for the advice Califdadof3. The warrant is for assault. It is a misdemeanor, but is in the criminal court system. As far as the cost, those amounts are what I was given by the 2 different attorney's that quoted me a price, they come highly recomended. They told me that if I didn't want the cost of pleading innocent, that I would be better off to get an attorney to get a plea deal with a judge before I go to GA. I was told that pleading no-contest that I wouldn't be assured of what the judge would give me, not knowing which judge I would get, I could get one that wouldn't be in my best interest. Pleading guilty and having a plea set up would be safer they said. But then I would have a criminal record. So basically I have to plead guilty to something because I don't have the money to plead innocent. Wouldn't you know that I'd make too much for a court appointed attorney, although I've heard sometimes you get some really bad ones. I know nothing about criminal law as I have never been in trouble with the law. I was told that I'd probably get probation + fines and maybe ordered to go to anger management classes. That particular town has a very political judicial system. It's kind of "who you know" if you know what I mean. And I don't know anybody in the court system down there. Having never been in trouble with the law, ....I was shocked to find out the law and justice aren't necessarily one and the same. It almost seems like the judical system works for the criminals better than the innocent in many cases. I once was naive and thought different, I guess you never know until you've been there. I also never dreamed my brother would do all the things he has done, but money makes people do strange things.

Just as I can't believe I have no recourse in the courts concerning how my son is doing me, his own mother and his little boy, he just moved out and left him with me knowing I'm not going to let him go hungry or without food, clothes and medical care. How can there not be some kind of laws that look out for the children more. My son is proof that DNA alone does not make a parent. All parents are not created equal!! I've tried talking to him, his dad has tried talking to him, he has no desire to change for the better. I feel as though my hands are tied. There needs to be better laws concerning cases like this.

JudyKayTee

But, again, here's my problem with this - you DO have options. "Normally" you could get a restraining order against your son; you could file for custody of your grandchild, alleging neglect. Your hands aren't tied by the legal system - your hands are tied by an outstanding warrant.

Bottom line - what do you want to accomplis here? Legal custody of the grandchild? Support from your son for the child and he keeps custody? An order protecting you from your son?

JS5893

JudyKayTee, think what you want, it's obvious you think this is all my fault. If I had committed a crime.....such as assaulting my brother first or without provocation....then I should have a warrant on me. What I have a problem with is them executing a warrant for me without even as much as talking to me. I even had witnesses, but they didn't care, so I feel the warrant was initiated wrongly. At the least it should have been my word against my brother's. I had my cell phone with me, my brothers had my number, I'm sure my daughter even gave them the number, but they was not interested in even asking my side of the story to see if I was in the right or wrong. So I feel the legal system let me down, I was the victim in this situation, not the criminal. Once a warrant is executed, it causes a financial hardship on that person, if you're the criminal that would be deserving, but if you are innocent that in my book is so totally wrong. If they had checked out all the facts first, and the fact I had witnesses, a warrant should never have been issued. I never called the police on my brother because what kind of person calls the law on their blood family, it's not like he had a history of this before that day. I think many brothers and sisters at some point in their life come to blows. I was hurt much worse by the fact he called the police on his own sister than I was him hitting me, things like that tear families apart forever, which is one reason the system usually treats domestic situations different.......usually. As I said, if a reputable officer had been the acting I feel this wrongly issued warrant would never have come about.

I'm not sure if you or someone you are close to works in the "system", maybe that's the reason for your hostility. Whether you want to believe it or not, there are good cops and bad cops, good attorneys and bad attorneys, good judges and bad judges......to think anything different is extremely naive. Due to over zealous police which don't have the truth as their priority is the reason there are so many innocent people sitting in prison. Do you have any idea how many people have served 10, 20, 30 years in prison for a crime they didn't do before someone finally proves their innocence? Not because the police made a mistake, but because they were so anxious to hurry and close the case by pinning it on anybody, just to close the case instead of finding the truth, while the real criminal runs free. To the police, prosecutors, and judges that are truly honest and works toward justice, I applaud them for their great sense of integrity. Unfortunately that is not always the case, between crooked officials and lack of laws, many innocent people are wrongly convicted and lives ruined.

I would have never dreamed in a million years that I would ever be in the situation I am in, but the fact remains, 7 years of my life have been turned upside down resulting in preventing me from rarely seeing 2 of my children and 2 of my grandchildren and my elderly mother who all live in GA, preventing me from spending time that I can never get back with them. As I am disabled due to severe back problems and a deteriorating spine, I can't walk very far at a time without having to sit down and can't sit for a long period without having to take breaks, taking care of a 3 yr. old is taxing (he's in a delayed terrible 2's), but at the same time he helps me to keep going. Hopefully he'll be better by the time he is 4 yrs. old and gets thru this stage. I am unable to work and have no income other than my husband's, I am unable to draw disability because when I worked for the county for 9 yrs., they didn't take out social security when I was younger....I didn't realize it at the time being young and naive, and my husband makes barely over the amount to prevent me from getting any kind of help from the govt.

So yes, money for me is an issue as far as having to come up with the high expense of hiring an attorney (don't qualify for court appointed attorn.), plus fines, especially since I am not the criminal in this situation. This warrant that was wrongly issued not only has caused me financial hardship, but much stress that is not good for me, and losing so much time with my family in GA. With all my expenses for medical cost that I have after insurance pays, it is still a lot, and I am also paying the expense to raise my grandson. We just get by if you know what I mean. My grandson doesn't lack for any necessities, but we don't have any extra money either, and my grandson needs to go to preschool at least 3 days a week in the coming months for socialization skills if nothing else, he is never around any children. If his father would give me some money to help with his expenses for that it would be good, but he won't. If he doesn't want to be a responsible parent then he needs to just sign custody over to me. As it is, my grandson doesn't even have insurance, his dad doesn't have insurance at his work, and my husband can't put him on our insurance because we don't have guardianship or custody of him. I also can't even sign him up for school legally. I can't even apply for insurance thru the state for him because I am not his guardian or have custody of him.

You can blame me all you want to, but I feel the system and a lack of laws concerning a biological parent and what is best for children, has let me down. I guess you'd just have to be in my shoes to grasp the depth of this situation. I'm just in search of legal options.

califdadof3

In judy's defence what she is trying to do is to get you to focus on the hurdles you have before you rather then to blame a system. We all know things arent perfect. As far as your grandson goes you could and should get tenncare for him. That will pay for medical and dental expenses till he reaches 18. We all feel for you on the one hand for having a son that is acting so irresponsible ( every parents nightmare ) .. and on the other hand applaud you ( for not abandoning your grandchild ). Another reality you might look into for something if anything as far as money coming in for the child is .. if the mother worked at any time in her life then he should be getting survivors benefit from SSI because hes still a minor child. Also Im not sure but Tennessee also offers a program called WIC .. pronounced wick ( women .. infant .. children ) its a benefit program that has food and other things in it that you may qualfy for. Judy is just trying to help. She isnt trying to disrespect you nor would she from the many posts I have read. She is just trying to point out that no matter how ( just or unjust ) the warrant came about its yours to deal with. Thats not a judgement call its reality. Sometimes the truth is stranger then fiction and also harder to swallow. Im curious but do you get periodic statements from SSA telling you that there is any benefit not matter how limited ? Or did you always work for government that didnt ever pay into the system?
Good Luck