Father has not been allowed to see his daughter in 6 years

TerrieS · #1 Nov 5, 2009, 05:57 AM

I am seeking help for my son. He has tried for years to deal with this situation on his own at no avail. When he was 18 years old he moved out of the house into a roommate situation and they threw a party. A girl at the party decided to sleep with every guy in the house. She found my son passed out on the bathroom floor and forced him to have sex with her.. He told her no and tried to push her off. But he could not stop her. Then came a baby girl. In the beginning my son did not want me to help him with this situation he said he can deal with it. Well the dealings did not go so well he got 20% custody and had to pay top dollar amount of child support. He got to see his little girl once.

After that the family refused to let him see the little girl. The other family kept coming up with excuses that they had plans they where busy. My son struggled to maintain paying child support. There was times he was unemployed and fell behind on child support but he still managed to get another job and still paid. My son in the mean time was married and now divorce has another child who lives with him 100% my grandson is 7 years old. He is a wonderful father to his son. His son is the smartest kid in his second grade class. The mother of the little girl we could not locate her for years. We have finally found them she moved out of the county she was living in before. My son tried calling her and she refuses to return calls. She finally returned one call and said he was a felon. My son has never even been in Jail he is not a felon. I tried to call her and she hung up on me as soon as I said who I was.

This little girl deserves to be with her father and her brother too. She deserves to be with her grandparents too. My grandson keeps asking about his little sister and it is very hard to explain it to him. My son wants 50% custody of the child. We need to know how to make this happen. We do not have a lot of money my son's funds are tapped out because he pays so much child support the mother of the little girl makes 4 times more than he does. He struggles financially to raise his son. He lives with my husband and I and works 70 to 80 hour a week.

My son has gone to the courts legal assistance department numerous times and they keep telling him he has the wrong paper work. The paper work is very confusing. I have even tried calling the child support department and they where very rude to me on the phone.

This is pretty sad when even if he is behind on his child support he is still paying and he can not see the little girl.

My son has not seen his little girl in over 6 years. Can anyone please help us with some advice our how to get a pro bono attorney to help us.. any help would be appreciated ..

Thank you,
TerrieS

stevetcg · Nov 5, 2009, 07:18 AM

There is nothing YOU can do here. You have no rights. Well, you could theoretically sue for grandparent visitation.

My opinion - and you will not like it - the best thing you can do for your son is stop thinking of him as a victim and stop enabling his lack of action.

TerrieS · Nov 5, 2009, 07:26 AM

I am being honest about the story how the child was concieved. But he was passed out on the floor he told me the story before anyone even knew she was pregnant. I told him he needs to report it because either way it is a rape.. he wouldn't do it.. it is a little embarrassing for a guy to do that. The mother I talked to her once and she admitted to what she did to my son on the phone. And yes he has been dodged everytime he tried to get help. My son is not a criminal he is a good dad.. and it is not fair to him nor me to keep this little girl away from us.
And least all he does pay child support...
I did mention my son works 60 to 70 hours a week.. and he has a son he takes 100% care of. He has gone to the courts which is not in the same county as we live in numerous times with paper work given to him .. then they tell him he does not have the correct paper work.

If you guys want to believe me or not.. there is a child involved in this situation. and I am seeking help for my son.. if you choose not to help me..because of the situation is a little shocking.. well I am sorry.. Does your smart comments hurt.. ya.. so I guess asking for advice and help is to much ..

TerrieS · Nov 5, 2009, 07:32 AM

I do not teach my son to be a victem... he did not bumm around all these years with no job and not pay child support... and I did not teach him to be the poor me type guy... He is just bull headed and thought he could handle it himself in the beginning.. shortly after this all came up he was already married with a baby... and obviously if he is a stand up dad who pays attention to his son.. who is only 7 years old.. and smartest little guy in his class.. who can add and subtracts in the thousands because he likes to thank he is just like his dad.. my son did not do such a bad job..
My son wants his daughter... and his rock head finally sees he needs help...
I do not like the way she got pregnant it shocks me.. but there where other people in that house that can verify what happened right down to the girls brother.

stevetcg · Nov 5, 2009, 07:33 AM

Terrie... im sorry if I sound harsh, but we hear stories similar to this almost daily and they are all hard to believe. It doesnt change the fact that its been 6 years because of him and no other reason. If he was serious about this he would have found a way to pay a lawyer. You said he had 20% custody... has he ever taken her to court to have that enforced? Family court will not turn him away because he doesnt have the right paperwork.

I suspect... and im sorry... that you do not have correct information from your son. We have heard them all and this one sounds like BS. Nothing against you... we understand that you are a third party in all of this.

For a solution: save some money. Cut back on whatever possible to save up and hire a lawyer. Chances of him getting 50% custody at this point very slim but he should at least get his legal visitation set up and have enforced what was already awarded to him.

TerrieS · Nov 5, 2009, 07:48 AM

Ya, I have heard bs stories too.. I am not stupid.. I had my son when I was 14 years old.. and yes I was raped... the man was over 21... I was legally pregnant at 13. I was to scared to even explain what happen to me .. so the only words that could come out of my mouth was "I don't know".. and it worked because I did not have to see the person ever again. I have worked hard all my life to raise my son decent.. "not trash".. I worked double shifts in restaurants and went to college at the same time just to get a little further a head in life. And there is no father in my sons life. Do you think he would want the same for his own child. My son is the most honest guy I know.. because I am honest.. He is rock head yes a pain in the butt at times yes.. but honest all the time. I never had to worry about that with my son.

When the girl he was dating came up pregnant and in the beginning he did not know who the father was he said he would be the babys dad no matter what.. is my son a stand up guy.. yes he is.. Thank God the baby was his..

I wanted to help my son from the get go.. and he told me NO. It was very hard on me to have to respect his wishes .. but I had to because he needs to be a man..
They let him see her once.. and after that started making excuses why he couldn't.. that they where not going to be home that day.. It continued like that.. My son has gone to family court and asked for help.. they kept leaving out paper work that he needed... so he had to turn around come all the way back home. Now that I am helping him I emailed the family law division and asked for all the paper work I needed for my son to request 50% custody. A mother has no right to hold the father away from the child. It took us a few years to find her and we have just now found her in Sacramento.
I know what BS stories are.. and if it came from anyone else ya.. I would probably think the same..
If she did not want my son to be apart of that babys life she should of never told him about the baby... But she was obviously money hungry.

Right now is just a bad time because I was just laid off from work.. and finding a new one in the field I work in .. is a little hard right at the moment.

TerrieS · Nov 6, 2009, 06:39 AM

JudyKayTee,

Thanks for advice.. I did call the local state bar in my county and the county the case is in. They can not help me find a pro-bono attorney.

I have been doing a lot of research. Men do get raped and the reason why they do not report it is because they feel no one will believe them.

If you tell anyone no once it is considered rape. He told that girl 3x's NO.

And you and Stevetcg are well aware of the fact that most women like myself do not report rape.

He is not the only guy in the world who woke up with someone on top of him..

My son was in a relationship at the time. Shortly after this happened his girlfriend who became his wife was pregnant.. My son is a stand up guy.. and obviously he worked and did not live off me all these years and paid his child support... he is not that far behind on the support.

That girl raped my son
raped him of his daughter
raped him my grandson of his sister
raped her daughter of a excellent caring father
raped my son's income all these years.

so no matter how hard it is to believe the word NO Means NO.. if it was your daughter what would you do... would you like to be told it is hard to believe.

Synnen · Nov 6, 2009, 07:15 AM

If he didn't report the rape, it has NO legal standing in his child support/child custody case.

Since it was not reported, as far as the OTHER issues go, it never happened, and is not a valid argument for anything.

He needs a good lawyer, and should call around to find out if any in your area will work on a sliding scale fee system.

If he does NOT get a good lawyer, well....then he's consenting to
Loss of his daughter
Losing your grandson of his sister
Losing the opportunity to be an excellent caring father to his daughter
Losing his income all these years for child support.

HE is responsible for getting visitation enforced.
HE is responsible for making sure to keep in contact with his daughter.
HE is responsible for STILL being an excellent, caring father, even if he does not live with the child
HE is responsible for paying child support, or for filing for an adjustment to it.

She's only gotten away with doing what she has because your son hasn't stood up and demanded differently in a court.

PS--it's going to be more expensive in the long run to NOT have a lawyer than it is to figure out how to get the money NOW to fix things.



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