We are in WA state and my son is in a state institution -- he is severely autistic and 13 and was placed there voluntarily by us because he is violent in the home and was kicked out of schoo for violence. DSHS is telling me that I must come pick him up or they will charge me with "abandonment". There are no services for in the home. His father lives in CA. Do I have any options at all? I fear for our safety and well being.

I would contact an Attorney IMMEDIATELY before you face criminal charges. I would assume DSHS knows what/why they are talking about and I wouldn't take a chance that they are joking. Who placed your son and have they contacted his father, assuming he was the other party involved?

Let an Attorney make the decision as to what is legal and best all the way around.

I don't understand the parties involved. "We" are in Washington but the father is in CA. Who is "we"?

"we" are my other children and myself. Their father and I are divorced. I have a lawyer. She says, "I don't know what to tell you." He was placed by the same people who are telling me I have to pick him up. The people who work at the institution are telling me that "parents refuse to pick up kids all the time and we just keep them". DSHS is telling me that is no longer okay because of the economy.

What does it mean to be charged with abandonment? Will I go to jail? Will I lose my other kids? He's already broken my arm. I'm worried about my other children's safety. He is happy and safe there.

First you need to get him out asap before they do charge you with abandonment. I am sure there has to be some in home care places for you that nobody seems to want to help you with.

Ask them about Respite that is one that should be provided to you. RCCCWA Respite Resource Guide - Washington State Agencies
They wouldn't tell me about some of the programs either. Actually one program they didn't tell me about pays you to care for your disabled family member at home. I don't know the name of it.
Have you checked with Social Security they should be able to tell you programs that will help. Also you should be able to collect disability for him, somewhere around $600. A month. Have you done that?

If you do not pick him up as soon as possible I do not know about charges, jail time or anything like that but I DO know they can come after you to pay them child support and take away your parental rights so you won't be able to get him back until he is 18 -21.

Thank you. In WA, you are only eligible for in home services or respite if you are on welfare. We are not. I would gladly give up my parental rights to him if it would mean he'd be in a safe environment and be happy (he loves it there). I just don't want to lose my other children.

Can you look in to an in home nanny or something if that is possible for you to afford?

You need to find out what being charged with abandonment entails. In most states, child abandonment is a criminal charge that is based on leaving a child with no supervision. That is clearly not the case here.

There is another type of abandonment that can be uses as grounds to terminate parental rights. I suspect that's what's involved here. If it is, then what wuill likely happen is your rights will be terminated and your son will probably be institutionlized for the rest of his life.

This is outrageous!

You are truly between a rock and a hard place and no matter what course you choose you are putting your children at risk.

Are you certain that if you refuse picking him up and if you are charged that it will jeopardize the custody of the other children?

Maybe it is just a technical formality that that they have to say you abandoned the child so that they can keep him there.And it may not have any bearing on your other children.

Bureaucracies are so screwed up. Isn't there some social worker where your son is at that can advise you?

I don't know the law but I would contact child services and keep bugging them until someone gives you an answer that does not put your family at risk.

If you bring him home you put your other children at risk and if you leave him there you put them at risk as well.When you speak to these *experts* be sure to state your case and get their name and tell them you want this to be put on record so that should anyone try to give you grief in the future about removing your other children you have proof that you did all in your power to fix this.

I wish you and yours the very best... Many blessings

Then I'd contact another Attorney, someone who knows the law and is more interested, and begin a paper trail. If he is that much a danger someone has to bring a Motion to find some other place for this child to reside.