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Originally Posted by macksmom grammadidi disagrees: Sorry, you are wrong. I raised a child for over 8 years with no legal documentation WITH the support of Children's Services.
Was your case with foster care of the child, as I see you have more than one adopted child....or was your case the same as the OP....someone just handed you a kid and walked away? |
My case was that someone left a child with me for what was supposed to be a short period of time and never returned. I had the child for nearly two years and she disclosed paternal sexual abuse. She had also suffered from severe neglect. Children's Sevices had been heavily involved with the child's parents prior to her birth and for the first 4 years of her life. They were unable to remove the child as there was "no physical evidence of abuse". I was later told that this child's case "fell throught the cracks".
After the disclosure of abuse, Children's Services were contacted, an investigation was done by them and police. Charges were not laid against either parent (due to the length of time that had passed and the age of the child at the time. As the abuse had allegedly taken place prior to her 4th birthday, the police deemed her to be an unreliable witness), however the abuse allegations were confirmed and the father was placed upon the National Sexual Abuse Registry. Children's Services gave me a letter stating that they were aware she is in our physical custody and fully supported this. They also indicated that in their opinion neither parent were suitable guardians at that time. That was all I had.
I actually refer to this child as my adopted daughter in other posts, as it is a long and difficult story, but there was never a custody order or adoption. We did pursue adoption which was held up due to the ineptitude of our first lawyer initially. Later, we hired a Family Law Specialist. Unfortunately, the lack of clear-cut guidelines for older child adoption slowed the process up for nearly two years. The mother during that time signed a consent to adopt after resurfacing about 7 years after she abandoned the child. (She did have a restraining order against her and had lost custody before the child was 2 years old.) We were just about to finally go to court when my husband took ill and became the priority.
Sadly, the Family Law Specialist became frustrated with my refusal to leave my dying husband and attend his office to sign paperwork and my request that the entire issue be temporarily put on hold. (It would mean leaving my husband for nearly two hours and he begged me not to leave him in anyone else's care after I had left him for a nurse for a short time and she had almost killed him. This is fact, she was fired from the agency due to the incident.) Our lawyer, in his frustration, ended up closing the file. After my husband's death, due to my emotional state and the regression of the child after losing the only safety net she had ever known and believed it, the adoption was not pursued. Once I was more capable of continuing the case, I was told we had to start at square one again as all the paperwork was considered outdated and not valid (ie: the child's and mother's Consent to Adopt, correspondence from Children's Services, etc.) in addition to having to change all the paperwork from my husband's and my name to mine alone.
I had already invested an incredible amount of emtional resources, time and money into the process and I was drained both financially and emotionally. I decided at that time that there was no way I could pursue the adoption. I am the one who registered the child for Day Care half days to socialize her, and for school when she was ready. My husband and I took her for sexual abuse counselling and began the quest for attachment therapy. We nursed her when she was ill, coached her sports, volunteered at her school, etc. However, I was told by the police when they investigated the sexual abuse that if the parents had showed up and tried to take her we would have little to stand on. They DID say that the correspondence from Children's Services would probably have given them the right to prevent the parents from taking them immediately, until another review by Children's Services was done.
The entire time that this child has been in my care I did not even have her birth certificate, nor could I legally apply for it. It was not until she turned 14 and could request her own that we could obtain that. Therefore, I have been unable to travel with her as well.
I hope that clarifies things. I would also like to say that in the support groups that I have both been involved with and ran, I have learned that in many, many cases of grandparents raising grandchildren (or other family members and even friends of the family) there has NOT been documentation, custody orders or adoptions. I would say, overall, in my experience that would be a figure above 75%.
Also, my daughter came to me shortly after she turned 4 and she will be 17 in March.
Hugs, Didi
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