My husband and I are divorced and we have two kids ages 8 and 10. He pays day care which is $400.00 a month and he gives me about $50 here and there for groceries. He sometimes buys clothes for them if I ask him. He has helped me pay half the rent twice. I have full custody. He can only take the kids sometimes on the weekend because he works some saturdays. I filed for child support December of 2012 and he is really upset about it. He makes about $2300 a month and he has 2 roomates he splits the rent with.
We went to court about two months ago and the judge said that he had to pay $935 which is based on his old income because he did not fill out an income and expense declaration. The judge backdated the $935 as of December 2012 because that was when I filed. In February he gave me $700 and said that he could not afford to give me the rest but he would give me a $100 everyweek for daycare and I could do whatever I wanted with it.
I explained to him that he owed $935 each month starting from December but he said that the judge didn't mean that, he thinks the judge meant pay me $935 only for December so we started arguing back and forth which became extremely stressful so I told him he could pay the day care himself. He then continued to pay for daycare which is $100 per week ($400monthly). He says that he will show the judge all the receipts and the judge won't
Make him pay a dime and he will also fight for full custody so that he won't have to pay child support. My question is, should I filed child support.

Child support should be though the courts, your error was not getting it garnished from his pay, go back to court for that.

The threat, * I will file for custody" is common, almost all husbands use that as a threat. He will not get it, even if he asks, which he won't.

He owes you that amount each month and when he does not pay, he can lose his drivers license in some states, or even be put in jail.

But if this was me, I would go back and ask for this to be taken from his pay check directly,
He needs to file and get the correct amount, you also should not expect him to pay incorrectly

Thank you so much for your answer. It was really helpful.

How much is the actual daycare expense per month? If it is the $400 then your better off not rocking the boat any further. $700 plus $200 is $900. That is pretty close to what has been ordered. You are both responsible for daycare charges. So the split comes to $200 ea.

Your about at your limit now as it is.

We had our court date today and he was ordered to pay $697 per month plus the $200 for daycare so altogether $897. He was highly upset and stated he will be filing for joint custody in order to avoid paying child support. The judge told him he can file a motion for joint custody. Should I just let him have full custody?

Sure, give up your kids so that YOU can start paying child support.

I'm not trying to be rude in saying this but at least he was paying something right and it sounds like you were getting lots of help from him. I am a single mother as well and have not received a dime in child support.. I would be so happy if my ex helped me out they way yours has. There are so many dead beat dads that won't do anything and fake out the court system by working under the table. My advice to you is count your blessings and be thankful for the help your getting

Ok. So my question was stupid, I just don't want to
Fight with him or drag the kids into a nasty custody
Battle. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I guess your right, thanks.

He can file for joint custody, but depending on where you live he will still have to pay. Maybe not as much, but he will still have to pay.

He may be angry, but it is his duty as a parent to help raise these children. It was good for you to get it as a court order so that he can't just stop paying whenever he feels like it.

I just think life is to short to argue over money that puts too much pressure on the children when mommy is stressed out so are the kids. If you guys are starving and have no place to live and he doesn't help pin him to the wall but until then except the help your question isn't stupid you probably still have anger towards him for things not working out. Sorry just taking a guess at that. But please take into consideration that he's there. I have no family no help with anything and I manage but isn't it so much easier he is there to help?

I told him that exact thing. I said he can go ahead and
File for joint custody but he still will have to pay
Support. He thinks he won't have to pay anything.
He will just have to find out for himself. Thanks.

Yes, you are right. I really shouldn't complain, it could
Be much worse.

First, This question was posted in the Family Law forum. Responses here need to conform to statutory law. Your advice doesn't address the legal issues at all.

Second, just because there are a lot of dead beat parents that try to fake the system does not mean custodial parents should not seek their full legal rights. Your responses here are very poor advice.

First, there are two types of custody, legal and physical custody. Joint legal custody means you both have equal rights in decisions on how to raise the children. The issue here is physical custody. Joint physical custody means that each parent has the child 50% of the time. In such cases support is generally a wash. However, joint physical custody rarely works. Especially with school age children unless both parents live in the same school district.

Of course he can file a petition for joint physical custody, but the likelihood is he won't get it. I suspect the judge realizes he's not happy about support and that's the only reason he's threatening filing. I wouldn't worry about his blustering.

No, you have every right to complain. You married him with the expectation that he would be there to help raise a family with you. I don't know why you divorced, but he has to realize that he needs to support his children. He has to look at things from a different angle. Even if he was to get joint physical custody. He would still have to pay for food and daycare and other expenses to care for the children. He just wouldn't be paying the money to you.

I would not pay much attention to the advice from lostandlonely51. She sounds like someone who is very bitter about her situation. But that's not your situation. You need to think about your children and their needs. You have to provide for those needs and that's what your support payments are for.

Thank you ScottGem,

The reason for the divorce was the fact that he was not able to provide, he is extremely lackadaisical and unable to hold a job. I was the main bread winner for the majority of the marriage. We were married for 9yrs and the stress of maintaining the family on my own was too much to handle. I filed for divorce (we live in CA) in the hope that he would see how his lack of responsibility affected our marriage well he didn't even show up to court for the divorce precedings so the judge granted me sole legal and physical custody. Thanks again.

Having read through the entire thread, I am left with one main question. How did you get a divorce at all without child support being addressed at that time?

Do not let him bluff you. It doesn't appear that he has any grounds for a change in custody. What the judge meant by commenting on it appears to be telling your ex "you can do what you want to do. If you file to change custody we will cross that bridge at that time." In other words, the judge didn't mean to suggest such a motion would be granted. Anybody can sue anybody for anything, but that doesn't mean they will be successful at ti.