I have a 2 week old little girl, and I am having issues with her father about visitation and custody. We were never married, but were together for 2 years. He kicked me out of his house when I was 5 months pregnant. I also have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that is not biologically his but he has been her daddy since she was 6 months old. Anyway, he kicked us out and I had to go live with my parents for the rest of my pregnancy. My dad thankfully got me my own place to live a couple weeks before I had my 2 week old because there was not enough room in his house for all 3 of us (my two daughers and I). My entire pregnancy the father stressed me out beyond belief, put me down, and just treated me horribly. I decided to give my baby BOTH of our last names, and because of this the father decided NOT to sign her birth certificate. He did not agree with the fact that she had my last name too. WHen I was in the hospital, he still continued to stress me out. I asked him to bring me a preemie size pacifier for her and he refused, and told me to ask my mom. When he lives 3 minutes from the hospital and it's HIS responsibility. Since being out of the hospital, he has still been stressing me out, calling me starting fights and telling me I need to give him equal time with our daughter, including overnight stays. I told him he is more than welcome to spend as much time here at my place with her but I do not feel comforatable letting him take her because he has never taken care of a newborn before. He also has bi-polar disorder and I don't know how he would handle it if she was crying uncontrolably. I told him until I feel comfortable that he can not take her by himself. He has only seen her 4 times since we've been out of the hospital, and those 4 times add up to about 3 1/2 hours of time. So I feel he knows nothing ab out taking care of her. So my question is, what kind of rights does he have to our newborn? I am more than willing to let him spend as much time here at my place with her. When does the court let a father that was un-wed to the mother take their daughter for overnight stays or any visitation away from the mother? Does the fact that he refused to sign the birth certificate play any part in this? And will his bi-polar disorder play any part as well?

At this moment because he is not on the because and you have physical custody of the child, he has no rights. In order to GET rights he will have to go to Court and file for visitation/custody. You would counterfile for support (if it's not automatic in your area). You would bring proof of your concerns for your child's safety and the Court will make a determination. The Court may very well require DNA testing before it makes any type of decision.

- that's sort of the short version of how it works.

If you listed him as the father, even if he didn't sign the because, I believe he's still the legal father.

That being said, since you were unwed, you have full physical custody and total control unless he goes to court to change that.

Its unlikely the court would allow overnights for an infant, especially if you are breast feeding. You really need to file for child support at which point a paternity test is done to confirm the legal father.

You also need to document all the abuse and the bi-polar diagnosis to present to the court.

WELL he told me he got a lawyer and is fighting for visitation/custody. I'm not sure how true that is, but that's what he's telling me. He keeps saying that he will ge overnights because he can physically provide for her just as well as I can. Which I do not find true because of his bi-polar disorder, and he has no idea how to take care of a newborn and has no-one to help him. His family does not live here.

He has told me that he has already gotten a lawyer and is going to try and get visitation/custody. Idk how much of that is true but that is what he's telling me. I am not breast feeding and ths is why he says that he can provide for her just as much as I can. How do I document that he has bi-polar? I mean, I have no proof but I know that he does because we were together when he went and got the diagnosed with it and was taking medication... will they require that I have proof?

Yes, for a little while since the child is a infant, he may be required by the court to have supervised visits if you convince the court he is not trained to take care of a infant, But that may not be forced to be in your home. ** it can get it at another place with another adult who can care for an infant.

You can not use child to force him to be around you.

And yes of course if he goes to court and he is not a threat he will get visits including overnight visits.

I would NEVER use my child to be around him. I would rather NOT be around him. But I know I have to. I want to be around when he is around our daughter. At least until I can see that he is able to take care of her by himself, because he has not shown me that. And what do you mean supervised by another adult? Who would that adult be and who choses who that adult is?

If he has gotten an attorney, you will hear about it soon when you get a summons to appear in court. You might want to strike first and file your own petition for custody.

If he does get an attorney, then you will need one too, otherwise there is a good chance you will lose.

In there meantime, like I said, you need to document everything.

Well, he can pretty much say whatever he wants to say. The Court will decide the issues. He is probably trying to scare you or get you to back down.

So you go to Court and say what you've told us - he's not going to get overnights with a new born to begin with and after that, well, the Court will have to evaluate the circumstances.

You can always go to your local Family Court, file for support, and force the issue. That way you are the Plaintiff and he's the Defendant which is an advantage in my eyes.

My dad has pre-paid attorney's that he's been using for 20+ years. So I am in good hands there.. I never thought of filing for full custody though. That sounds like a great idea. Well thank you for your help, if you have any more information, please feel free to write me. I really appreciate it!

Excellent - and please come back and let us know how thing work out.

And you, of course, are more than welcome to post here or on any other board on this site. You can help other people and you'll also learn, as we all do.