I got a girl pregnant 4 years ago (my biggest mistake ever). We agreed she would get an abortion but due to her health situation she was unable to get an abortion (so she says). I don't understand why because she said she had one 5 months earlier. We were never a couple it was just casual sex which resulted in this child. I was ordered by the court to pay child support after having a paternity test done on the child.

I NEVER had a problem with paying child support. I just don't want to be obligated to be a part of this childs life or take on any kind of parental responsibility. I don't want the childs mother to force her child on me or have anything to do with the child. The mother has her child calling me Dad but the child doesn't know me and I don't know him. I know it sounds harsh, but we both decided that the pregnancy was to be terminated. I have not seen or contacted the mother in years but she still texts me and leaves messages when the childs birthday comes around. I already have a family life that I'm happy with and I don't want her to ruin my relationship with my wife by constantly bugging me about her child, that we agreed would be aborted. She gets child support so I think that's enough.

Even if I can't get my parental rights terminated is there any way she can force her child on me or have me take responsibility of the child. I will pay child support until the child is 18 but I don't want any other responsibilities concerning her child. Can anyone give me advise on what I can do legally or if there is something I have to do (paperwork wise) to prevent her from having me take responsibility of her child?

Thank You

N0help4u

What responsibilities is she trying to 'force' on you besides the child support you are okay with?
Is she threatening you?

Fr_Chuck

She can not force you to visit or see the child, she can not force you to do anything except pay.

She can ask for medical insurnace for the child, esp if your job would provide such insurnace. she can ask for you to pay 1/2 of medical bills not covered by insurnace. She can also ask that you pay till the child is 21 if they are in college plus to pay for part of the college expense.

But they cannot make you see your chilc.

macksmom

Paying child support is all you are required by law to do. Wether or not you have a relationship with your child is up to you. She cannot "force" you to spend time with your child. So legally terminating your rights is nothing different than simply not exercising your rights....because it's your choice.

Just keep in mind what you plan to tell your child when they are older and come looking for you to ask why you weren't around.

As long as you a paying child support....that is all you have to do.

DONTwantPR

I don't want any kind of rights regarding this child. I don't consider or see this child as mine. I have expressed my feelings to the childs mother of not wanting a relationship with her child many times but she won't accept it. If this child does look for me when they are older I will simply tell them the TRUTH that the mother and I were NEVER a couple and we had planned to have them terminated but the mother wasn't able too and that I honestly didn't want a child with their mother. I really think she kept the child to have me around, but I can't speak for her, that's just how I feel. I honestly have NO FEELINGS for this child and don't want to hurt the child by telling them the truth, if that has to happen.

I'm happy to know that all I have to do is pay child support to keep her legally away from me and my family. I'm just concerned because she has mentioned finding out where I live and dropping her child off for me to take responsibility.

Thank You for your response



She hasn't forced any other responsibilities regarding her child YET. I think she is upset that I didn't stay with her, that I asked for a paternity test, and that I want NOTHING to do with her child. However, she has texted me saying she would find me and drop her child off at my door step to MAKE me acknowledge her child. If she does do that all that's going to happen is that her child will get hurt from the truth that I will tell.




If she gets married and her husband doesn't want to adopt her child can she still make me pay bills not covered by insurance and college expenses for her child?

Thank You for your response

califdadof3

You need to get a grip on reality here. YOU created a life and now like it or not that life is going to follow in your steps so long as you live and after you die. What you have will be theirs too. If you have children now and they are to find out they have a brother / sister out there they will be curious. Do you intend to explain the abortion principle to them also ? Your legal obligation is met with the child support, but if she drops off the child and you refuse to care for him / her then your in a different legal areana. As you found out in court already YOU are responsible like it or not so start acting like it.

JudyKayTee

I don't think this is all HER child; this is also YOUR child.

Whatever went on between you and the mother is between you but I am chilled to the bone that you would hurt an innocent child with the "truth" as you see it in order to get out from under your responsibilities and to get even with the mother. I can't even imagine why the mother is upset that you didn't stay with her - I'd think she'd be delighted!

Of course, that doesn't address the child. And, again, it's not HER child. And once two people "make" a baby either one can proceed or not as they choose - maybe that's a question you should have asked her first.

Maybe you should think of this the next time you take off your pants. All of this could have been avoided - or, better yet, print out your posts and show them to the next woman you hook up with.

macksmom

If the child is never adopted, you are legally responsible for at least half of any and all care the child may need.

Regardless of how cold your heart is....please keep in mind, this is NOT the childs fault. Unfortunately they didn't get to pick thier parents, or I'm sure they would have picked better ones.

DONTwantPR

Your opinion about me is your right.
When we found out she was pregnant we had an understanding that she was to terminate it. However, she didn't and I don't feel I have to acknowledge HER child at all. I pay child support and thats the only thing I feel I'm responsible for.

You're right, all of this could have been avoided if I thought before I took my pants off thinking this girl was on the pill (like she told me), or if I just wore a condom, but that didn't happen.

I'm in no way hurting this child. If you thought I was going to tell a 4 year old the truth about this situation that's crazy. However, I will tell the child the truth when and if the child is older and comes looking for me as stated in a post from another member. The child's mother is hurting her own child by giving the child false hopes. Like you mentioned the childs mother should be delighted that I don't want to be with her or HER child.

I've never said anything NASTY or BAD about the mother. Don't get me wrong, she is a good person. But wanting me to have a relationship with a child that was suppose to be terminated is NOT going to happen.

Obviously you didn't read my question which was, CAN I GIVE UP PARENTAL RIGHTS BUT STILL PAY CHILD SUPPORT? So in no way was I trying to get out of any financial responsibilities concerning the child I just don't want a relationship with the child.


I'm sorry if my question and situation offended you but you didn't have to reply especially since you didn't help me with my question, all you did was JUDGE me. I'm glad all the other members aren't as judgmental.



I am taking responsibility, I'm paying child support. I just don't want a relationship with the child and I don't want the mother to threaten me into having a relationship with the child. If I do have children in the future I will tell them the truth. I have nothing to hide. As for explaining the abortion principle to them that's exactly what I will do, when they are at an appropriate age. If they decide to look for that other child that's their choice as it's my choice not to have a relationship with the child.



I will pay whatever I am legally responsible for concerning the child. I would still pay child support even if the child was adopted. I know this is not the childs fault and never said it was. I may be a cold hearted but I'm just being honest.

nekobarnes

Its important to keep your child in your life because if the mother dies responsibility would fall back on you, and if its proven after the mother dies that you were not in the childs life they could terminate your parental rights and FORCE you to pay child support to someone else. Thats why its always important to keep your child in your life because you never know what could happen later on. People and parents do die unexpectantly, and if she did die i'm sure you would want custody to raise your child on your own without having to pay someone else to do it for you.