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    I live in Washington State and I am getting a divorce. We have one child, 3yrs old, and he insists he will get full custody.
    However the reason for me wanting to move out of state is I married the wrong person. It was just a mistake to marry him and I want to correct it. The man I want to marry and who wants to marry me is in California. How do I restart my life there if my husband will not agree that I am able to leave the state?

    Hello,
    I just posted a question about moving to California from Washington State. I'm new and I don't think my question came out right due to the answer I received. I am not about to leave my 3 year old. The point of saying my husband wants full custody is because he is very stubborn. I could reside where I am and he would still make things very difficult. I don't want to pretend to be happy in our marriage and its not good for our child. We argue a lot and regardless if I move out of state, I will still be getting a divorce. I would rather we be happy apaprt for our child than miserable together. If I were to move out of state before we get divorced... well I heard that was considered kidnapping due to taking the child away from the other parent without permission. Is that true? Also again, if I wanted to start over in a new state and get married to someone else, am I allowed to do that? I mean I should be, but I do also know how important it is for both parents to be part of our child's life.

    Last edited by Fr_Chuck; Aug 6, 2009 at 09:20 AM.
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    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #2

    Aug 6, 2009, 07:52 AM

    It would take a lot for your husband to get full custody if you don't want that, but your moving away and leaving your child with him would certainly make it easier for him to get more custody or full custody.

    My sense is that you are in denial right now. You are so focused on the new life you imagine, you are not thinking about the realities of the life you already have. First, you have an obligation to your 3 year old to provide as much emotional stability as possible. There should be continuity in his or her care, so the child isn't in a constantly changing custody situation. The child also needs extra love and comfort during the transition. Your focus should be on your daughter(?) rather than on a new lover.

    Unless your husband is a danger to you or your child, it's too soon for you to move. Give yourself a serious amount of time when you are not living with either man. Take this time to figure out what's best for your child and for you. Take things slow!

    As for the custody question, you should be talking to a lawyer to find out your rights and your husband's rights.

    But start here:
    Child Custody in Washington State
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    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 898, Reputation: 109
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    #3

    Aug 6, 2009, 08:04 AM

    I would speak to a lawyer before doing anything. Your husband is understandably angry. I mean you are leaving him for another man so he's already lost you and then you want to leave the state and take his child around the man who is taking you away. Put yourself in his shoes for just a minute. Just out of curiosity, how long and how well have you known Mr. Caliifornia? Hopefully you both will do what's best for the kid and not to full fill some selfish want.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,733, Reputation: 7221
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    #4

    Aug 6, 2009, 09:24 AM


    First no it is not kidnapping, you can not kidnap your own child if there is no court order saying you can't take the child. But your soon to be ex can merely file paper work demanding you move back with the child or send the child back.

    You will have to file for divorce, file for custody of the child, and see if he will sign allowing you permission to leave the state, or fight in court and try and get permission

    He will have at least visit rights and he can require you live within reasonable distant for that. If he gets joint custody, the court may even order you live in the same school district.

    In my own child custody, my ex and I have to live within 30 miles of each other.
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