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biological father rights

Asked Jul 16, 2012, 07:52 AM — 15 Answers
My daughter wants to put her unborn child up for adoption. She is due in Dec. 2012. She realizes she cannot raise another baby. She cut off ties with the father. He is a veteran on disability, PTSD, is a big boozer, has quite a temper, is 31, no car, works under the table car detailing, smokes pot, and now has retained a top notch attorney seeking custody when the baby is born.
My daughter will not see her child given to him.
We are in PA. If she has the baby in NY will that make it harder for him to get custody?

15 Answers
JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,420, Reputation: 23558
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#2

Jul 16, 2012, 08:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by peabody9 View Post
My daughter wants to put her unborn child up for adoption. She is due in Dec. 2012. She realizes she cannot raise another baby. She cut off ties with the father. He is a veteran on disability, PTSD, is a big boozer, has quite a temper, is 31, no car, works under the table car detailing, smokes pot, and now has retained a top notch attorney seeking custody when the baby is born.
My daughter will not see her child given to him.
We are in PA. If she has the baby in NY will that make it harder for him to get custody?

In a word, no. If he's unfit in PA he's also unfit in NY. Her move will look just like the ploy it is, including walking across the State line to deliver the child.

I don't even see that he needs a top notch Attorney. Your daughter does not want to raise the child. She has said she is giving up her rights. The next person in line is the baby's father. She can't force him to relinquish custody in favor of adoption. ("she cannot raise another child ..." - ?)

This is another situation where he is described as "... a veteran on disability [which, by the way, I don't know is a bad thing - he served his Country and is somehow disabled. A lot of people didn't serve at all], PTSD [likewise, I'm assuming he served overseas), is a big boozer, has quite a temper, is 31, no car, works under the table car detailing, smokes pot ..."

Was he these things when she was having sex with him and exposing her other children to him? If so she doesn't paint herself with a very clean brush, either.

But, no, if he's unfit, he's unfit. That doesn't mean he will lose any/all rights to the child. It might mean the child is placed in foster care after your daughter signs the paperwork and the father then attempts to straighten out and get supervised visitation, visitation and eventually custody.
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ScottGem's Avatar
ScottGem Posts: 58,108, Reputation: 28145
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#3

Jul 16, 2012, 09:41 AM


The advantage here is that the child is unborn. This means your daughter can approach a reputable adoption agency to handle the adoption. Such an agency will handle the whole process of screening potential parents and finding the father unfit (if he indeed is).
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Synnen's Avatar
Synnen Posts: 7,882, Reputation: 12354
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#4

Jul 16, 2012, 09:59 AM


I would like to point out that if he gets "fit" by the time the child is born OR she can't PROVE he is unfit, he can not only stop an adoption but can file for full custody--leaving your daughter (who had sex with this paragon) paying child support.
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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,420, Reputation: 23558
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#5

Jul 16, 2012, 10:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen View Post
I would like to point out that if he gets "fit" by the time the child is born OR she can't PROVE he is unfit, he can not only stop an adoption but can file for full custody--leaving your daughter (who had sex with this paragon) paying child support.
Bingo!
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peabody9's Avatar
peabody9 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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#6

Jul 16, 2012, 12:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
In a word, no. If he's unfit in PA he's also unfit in NY. Her move will look just like the ploy it is, including walking across the State line to deliver the child.

I don't even see that he needs a top notch Attorney. Your daughter does not want to raise the child. She has said she is giving up her rights. The next person in line is the baby's father. She can't force him to relinquish custody in favor of adoption. ("she cannot raise another child ..." - ?)

This is another situation where he is described as "... a veteran on disability [which, by the way, I don't know is a bad thing - he served his Country and is somehow disabled. A lot of people didn't serve at all], PTSD [likewise, I'm assuming he served overseas), is a big boozer, has quite a temper, is 31, no car, works under the table car detailing, smokes pot ..."

Was he these things when she was having sex with him and exposing her other children to him? If so she doesn't paint herself with a very clean brush, either.

But, no, if he's unfit, he's unfit. That doesn't mean he will lose any/all rights to the child. It might mean the child is placed in foster care after your daughter signs the paperwork and the father then attempts to straighten out and get supervised visitation, visitation and eventually custody.
Thanks for your input.
My daughter is mentally challenged and has psychological problems and the only reason her 18 month old child is thriving is because she lives in our home with her siblings and my husband and I.
Both guys who are the fathers of her children, are extremely controlling and verbally abusive. This guy told her he couldn't get her pregnant, that the military shots made him sterile. He purposely impregnated her. Now we are in this terrible dilemma.
This new life deserves to be with a mother and father who are committed to each other. My daughter recognizes her limitations. This man doesn't recognize his.
I wasn't saying he was a disabled vet in a bad way, just to point out that he is on disability, yet works to hide his income. He has psychological problems, PTSD, along with anger problems. My daughter was sneaky in seeing him, while we babysat. Yes, she is culpable here, but when you have a person with limited intelligence being taken advantage of by a man who is 10 years older and a control freak who knew exactly what he was doing, it's very upsetting.
This new life deserves more.
I can see why some people flee when problems too large to handle arise.
Help.
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ScottGem's Avatar
ScottGem Posts: 58,108, Reputation: 28145
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#7

Jul 16, 2012, 12:22 PM


I don't know how your daughter is evaluated. But if she can be evaluated as a juvenile mentality he can possibly be prosecuted for statutory rape.That would be one way to keep him from the child.

Good luck and keep us posted.
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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,420, Reputation: 23558
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#8

Jul 16, 2012, 01:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by peabody9 View Post
Thanks for your input.
My daughter is mentally challenged and has psychological problems and the only reason her 18 month old child is thriving is because she lives in our home with her siblings and my husband and I.
Both guys who are the fathers of her children, are extremely controlling and verbally abusive. This guy told her he couldn't get her pregnant, that the military shots made him sterile. He purposely impregnated her. Now we are in this terrible dilemma.
This new life deserves to be with a mother and father who are committed to each other. My daughter recognizes her limitations. This man doesn't recognize his.
I wasn't saying he was a disabled vet in a bad way, just to point out that he is on disability, yet works to hide his income. He has psychological problems, PTSD, along with anger problems. My daughter was sneaky in seeing him, while we babysat. Yes, she is culpable here, but when you have a person with limited intelligence being taken advantage of by a man who is 10 years older and a control freak who knew exactly what he was doing, it's very upsetting.
This new life deserves more.
I can see why some people flee when problems too large to handle arise.
Help.

Scott beat me to it - IF you can get an evaluation which PROVES her legally incompetent to make a decision to have sexual intercourse and he knew OR SHOULD HAVE known, then you can prosecute him. I worked one of these cases once. There is no question that the female was challenged. Two evaluations did not conclude that she was incapable of legally agreeing to sex. The fact that "he" discussed his inability to get her pregnant leads me to believe that she has a level of understanding which rules out the problem with consensual sex. It's worth a try. I also interviewed neighbors, friends, on behalf of the female. In the end there was not sufficient proof, no matter what angle we tried. I'm just trying to tell you how things work.

I would guess that if she's old enough to have one child she understands sex and pregnancy; she was sneaking out to see him so she's not confined or supervised at all times; she discussed pregnancy with "him." She may be somewhat challenged, and she may understand her limitations and he may not recognize his, but ... as you said, she's aware enough to lie and be sneaky.

I do understand what you are saying, I truly do. You have, however, been given appropriate legal advice. The US is turning into a nation of grandparents raising children because the grandchildren's parents are too self centered or careless to raise them.

I agree that every child should have loving parents, two of them - in a perfect World. You are in a situation with limited choices - attempt to have the child adopted (with the adoptive parents aware of the limitations of both parents) and maybe the Social Services Agency will determine the father cannot father and he'll lose his say, but I highly doubt it; your daughter/you keep the child; your daughter gives up her rights and the father tries to get custody.

Here comes the very hard part - it's even hard for me to write this BUT if I were you my daughter would be on birth control, whatever the Doctor recommends, and if I had to I would pry her teeth apart and feed her "the pill" with her orange juice every morning. Honestly, I am NOT joking.

There would not be another pregnancy - if I had to stuff the pill into her and force her to use a backup method.

The really sad part of this for me is that I tried so very hard to have a biological child (I have 5 stepchildren), and I could never carry beyond the first few months. Stories like this make me all the sadder.
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peabody9's Avatar
peabody9 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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#9

Jul 16, 2012, 02:07 PM
Thank you, JudyKayTee. I greatly appreciate your advice. Your stepchildren are blessed.
My husband and I have already discussed future birth control for her.
The whole situation is a no win, and one I could have never imagined for my family.
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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,420, Reputation: 23558
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#10

Jul 16, 2012, 02:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by peabody9 View Post
Thank you, JudyKayTee. I greatly appreciate your advice. Your stepchildren are blessed.
My husband and I have already discussed future birth control for her.
The whole situation is a no win, and one I could have never imagined for my family.

Honestly, I hurt for you - and I also hurt for your daughter. She's been betrayed by this man she had feelings for, no matter what the situation is or was. I don't doubt he talked her into lying to you and sneaking out.

Legally, I just don't see a lot of options.

Is there a chance that he's all bluff and bluster and will back down rather than filing for custody?

What if your daughter has no contact with him (if she does), you have no contact, and he swings in the wind and wonders what's next? I always think that people who threaten do one thing well - threaten.
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