big paternity mess legal father is not bio father

amess · #1 May 9, 2008, 08:45 PM

My boyfriend and I broke up I had a one night stand with my ex. Called my boyfriend the next morning and told him about it.

Two months later I found out I was pregnant. We went to the dr. asked the probable conception date and we were sure we slept together that day, but it was always slightly in the back of our minds the possibility(since the dates can be off).

Baby was born looking identical to my boyfriend. Boyfriend signed AOP and birth certificate.

A few months later his look started changing and I had to find out for sure. Took the paternity test with my ex (the one night stand) and the baby turned out to be his.

He wants NOTHING to do with my child, but does want to pay support. My boyfriend does not know we did the test. I asked my bf numerous times to do a test and he declines saying he loves "our" son no matter what. My boyfriend gets very furious when I bring up the probability of someone else being our sons father.

I can't live this lie anymore. I am at a loss as to what is best for my son. My boyfriend is an amazing father I would like him to know the truth but the truth will only hurt him as the one night stand is an alcoholic who lives hours away.

Please help me! I need some serious advice!! This lie is ruining my life. I cry myself to sleep daily.

amess · May 10, 2008, 07:00 PM

The bio father won't file for paternity. He wants things to stay the way they are. I can't afford an attorney. I have asked him to petition the courts or get an attorney and he won't.

He demands to pay child support, but I don't want it. He is afraid that I will come back on him later, but that is not even possible until he is actually established as the father in court.

I am going to talk to my boyfriend very soon.

stinawords · May 10, 2008, 08:57 PM

Ok legally he dosen't have to pay as you know because he has not proven to be the father. You really do need to tell your boy friend the truth. Then he can decide what he wants to do. He may change his mind or he may not but ultimately you have to leave that up to him. You could end up with charges filed on you because if you keep letting this go on.

stinawords · May 11, 2008, 12:34 PM

You wouldn't have charges brought on you because of what happened at birth. So no she is not wrong about that. And it sounds like you are unlikely to have any charges brought on by either guy just from the little I know about them from their attitudes. That doesn't mean though that your situation won't change once your boyfriend knows the truth. I wouldn't want him to think harsh things about a child it isn't the child's fault. However, kids are expensive I know, I have them. I would suggest some couples counseling to help you two mend your relationship and give the child a healthy stable home.

stinawords · May 11, 2008, 12:52 PM

I also noticed you started two other threads, please don't do that just continue on this same one and your questions will still be answered. Now as far as the child support goes. Fr. Chuck was right he is just blowing smoke. However, you can not take him to court over child support with out first submitting to a court ordered DNA test to prove he is the father. This means that you have to get a court date and the judge will order one, then after the results come back you have another court date about support. What type of notarized documents are you wanting to bring to court? If it is about the DNA test you have to have it court ordered they won't accept a private one. Other than that sure it helps but I'm not sure what type of documents you are talking about. So again, you might want to tell your boyfriend sooner rather than later because if not he will hear the truth in court.

GV70 · May 11, 2008, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amess

About the notarized documents...we have a dna test that has been notarized supposedly that makes it admissable in court. Another thing is the bio dad is trying to get me to sign a notarized document saying he will pay me child support x amount of dollars/month.

He has given me a little bit of money when I was having a hard time, but it is not a monthly thing. I would never say he didn't give me anything but I keep telling him at this point the court would consider it a gift? Is that correct.

No. Only Court ordered DNA tests are admissible there.

stinawords · May 12, 2008, 06:16 AM

If he won't take you and you don't go to file then he won't have to worry about support. Hate to say it but those are the things people generally think about before they put one party or another on a birthcirtificate when they don't know who the father is.



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