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i am an adult seeking a dna test from potential father
i am a 27 year old female living in new mexico. after searching my whole life i have found the man that is believed to be my father. we had some contact and at one point he agreed to take a dna test ( that i was going to pay for). he now is beating around the bush and i need answers after looking this long! what can i do? can i get a court ordered dna test . if there is any advise please help!! my mother died when i was 19. she had tried to locate him with no avail. at one point my mother was recieving state assistance and the state located him. he was asked for a blood test at the time and he agreed. but the state did not follow through. so wher does this leave me?
This is going to sound harsh, but you really have very few rights here. Its all up to him as what he wants to do. If he doesn't want a relationship, then drop it.
For one thing there is no DNA test that can " make " someone a father. Being a father, mother and parent in a child or adults life isnt programed into DNA its really about love and respect and caring. If you hold those values to be true then you can get a test anytime it shouldnt be an issue. If this is where the trail ends accept it. If your worried hes not the man then start slow and dont throw the kids at him calling him grandpa. Slow down .. take a breath. This man may not have the capacity to give what your expectation is to recieve. Maybe just you both should take time to get to know eachother before introducing him into the family you have for yourself. Its brave to want to seek out ones that you feel are your parents but sometimes its not what the fantasy is. Many parents have given up thier young to closed adoptions and wish no contact. We dont know what his thinking is at this time. Maybe you just both need space to get used to the idea. Stina twinkie and judy and the others have all given great advice and as you see there are many ways to approach the same issue and still meet your goals. Maybe its time to step back and re-examine your methods and take a more relaxed approach. If your making offers ( carrot in front of the horse ) eventually they take a bite.
I agree with everyone here, DNA doesn't make a family, but at the same time, I can also understand your frustration. My advice would be to get in contact with the other members of his family. If your possible brother (or other family members) will consent to a DNA test, that can prove one way or the other if he was your father, indirectly. Good luck.
The last thing you want, whether or not he is your bio dad, is to cause a rift in the family. Perhaps if you want to go this way, you should talk to your (possible) dad about it. Since he didn't directly say he doesn't want to know, offer to have one of his family members come down. That way he will be forced to either buck up and say no, I don't want to know, or will accept it. It all depends on his reasons here. If he is embarrassed or worried or something, he can find out without going through it, and if he doesn't want to know, you can have it straight from the horses mouth and can make the judgment on the type of relationship you want with him based on his reaction.
thank you guys for all you thoughts and i have reconsidered a forcefull dna test. also just to let everyone know i have NOT told my children about me finding him. they are to young to understand all the technicalities of the situation and until i am ready and have everything situated out they will have no idea!! it would not be fair to them. my (possible)father doesn't seem like a guy who has his head on straight anyway. so maybe i won't press the issue anymore. i just wanted some kind of answer on the situation. there's probably a reason he did'nt look for me anyways!!!
yes i fully understand his position but he was the one who asked for the dna test in the 1st place then retracted. i am willing to go on without one but to overcome everyones suspicion on whether or not he is was why i wanted to go on with the test. that way there was no question on whether i was his or not .he has denied me as his daughter for too long and i just want to set the record straight for everyone involved. i might have a younger brother, grandmother, grandfather and other family that question this as well. if i was in his position i would want to know for sure. why continue without knowing for sure. there are some questions in everyones mind. i totally understand where he comes from. but it would be wasting my time to build a relationship with someone that turned out not to be my father. my and my childrens emotions are not something to be toyed with. and neither are anyone elses for that matter
I know what you are going through. My father (potential father), was with my mother and he what was supposed to be ex wife at the same time, and Mom got pregnant, and soon after she found out, so did the ex wife. Well, the ex wife and him got back together and they denied me. He owned his own company and he had money, so when it came down to getting a blood test, Mom tried, but my dad's brother told mom that he had told him that he paid the people off to say that I wasn't his. Even though behind his wifes back he still brought gifts to me for my bday until I was 6. He knew the truth, but hid from it. Now there is no way that I can have anything done because I am 21 and the court system already has a test saying that I am not his.
It is very frustrating not knowing the truth. I, like you, don't want money, I just want answers and to feel like I know the truth and have some kind of relationship with him and my other siblings. I wish the best for you! Please keep me posted if there is anything to do!
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