i am a 27 year old female living in new mexico. after searching my whole life i have found the man that is believed to be my father. we had some contact and at one point he agreed to take a dna test ( that i was going to pay for). he now is beating around the bush and i need answers after looking this long! what can i do? can i get a court ordered dna test . if there is any advise please help!! my mother died when i was 19. she had tried to locate him with no avail. at one point my mother was recieving state assistance and the state located him. he was asked for a blood test at the time and he agreed. but the state did not follow through. so wher does this leave me?

Fr_Chuck

no there is no way to force him.

stinawords

Sorry but the only person that could have gotten a court ordered DNA test was your mother while you were still a child. There are very rare cases that as an adult one was ordered but you have to have a life threating illness that is genetic and have proof of it. Otherwise it is up to him if he want to do it or not.

califdadof3

The more important question really is .. what are you going to do with it ?

whats the real purpose ?

AUTUMMATIC44

My Answer To What Is My Real Purpose Is To Find A Part Of My Life That Has Been Missing For 27 Years. I Now Have 3 Young Boys That Have A Right To Know The Other Half! I Am Not Out To Take Anything From Him I Just Would Want His Friendship Or What Ever Kind Of Relationship He Would Allow. I Am Married And Have A Wonderful Life. I Don't Need His Finances. I Just Want To Have This Last Peice Of The Puzzle. I Only Want Some Contact With Him Or My Other Potential Family. And After All This Time I Think I Have Earned That Right! Dont You?

twinkiedooter

Well, you found him, didn't you? If this is the person your mother says is your real father, then why are you trying to force him into a DNA test? He may shy away from the test thinking that you might try and come after him for back child support or something like that. If you are satisfied with who this individual is, then you need to mend your fences with him and explain that the DNA test would prove 100% - BUT you are willing NOT to have the test and accept him as your father so you two can build some sort of a relationship with each other. Then, the ball is in his court, and he will be able to decide if he wishes to go forward with the relationship. Maybe down the road in a few years he may change his mind about the test once he gets to know you better and can trust you more.

It's very hard on a person not knowing who their real parents are and I can understand your frustration in this matter. But look at his side of the story. Here's some lady who shows up claiming to be his daughter and wanting a DNA test. First off, he's going to be overwhelmed just meeting you for the first time. Then he's going to have to decide about the test. Take it slow and steady until he gets used to the idea of having a for real daughter in his life. He'll most likely change his thinking once he sees what a wonderful person you are and how lucky he is to have you and his grandsons in his life.

AUTUMMATIC44

yes i fully understand his position but he was the one who asked for the dna test in the 1st place then retracted. i am willing to go on without one but to overcome everyones suspicion on whether or not he is was why i wanted to go on with the test. that way there was no question on whether i was his or not .he has denied me as his daughter for too long and i just want to set the record straight for everyone involved. i might have a younger brother, grandmother, grandfather and other family that question this as well. if i was in his position i would want to know for sure. why continue without knowing for sure. there are some questions in everyones mind. i totally understand where he comes from. but it would be wasting my time to build a relationship with someone that turned out not to be my father. my and my childrens emotions are not something to be toyed with. and neither are anyone elses for that matter

JudyKayTee

No, you cannot force a DNA test on him. If he agreed and then changed his mind, that's his prerogative.

Your mother (as you know) could have forced this issue a long time ago.

Everyone here is trying to help you - no one is arguing with you, which is what you seem to think. None of the questions are out of line. Adults have actually posted they were seeking DNA testing and then the next question is suing the father for years-ago back child support. So the questions aren't out of line.

I personally would be less interested in setting any records straight and more interested in getting his positive ID for medical purposes for your children (or yourself).

N0help4u

Either you accept him as father or you don't establish a relationship with him.
what if you never can get a test and he is your father?
Nowadays it is common for people to have extended families such as step fathers and so forth so if you really feel a connection to him then why not accept him as at least a step dad or something?

AUTUMMATIC44

You Are Right And I Am Not Trying To Argue With Any One I Am Sorry It Seems That Way . I Am Not Out To Sue For Back Child Support! If That Was The Case I Would Have Already Gone To A Lawyer. I Want To Do This A S Easy As Possible For Anyone Involved. And I Think If My Mother Could Have Found Him Before She Was Murdered She Would Have Done The Right Thing Just For Me And Him To Know The Truth. I Appreciate Everyones Opinion!!! I Am Just Wanting To Know If There Was Any Thing Else I Could Do. I Am Trying To Start A Relationship With Him No Strings Attached But Its Very Frustrating For Him To Not Accept Me As His Daughter. Its Always Being Brought Up By Him That I May Not Be. And I Just Want To Have Everyone Know That I Am. If I Wasnt I Dont Think My Mother Would Have Lied To Me For So Long. What Would Have Been Her Reason. She Never Wanted Anything From Him But For Me Not To Miss Out On Knowing My Father.