my 21 year old child

johnboutin · #1 Jan 5, 2009, 06:32 PM

i was just informed by email from old girlfriend from the 80s that i have a 21 year old daughter who wants to meet me
HELP

Clough · Jan 5, 2009, 09:52 PM

Hi, johnboutin!

Are you able to call up this old girlfriend on the phone and discuss this with her? Do you know why she wants to see you and why this is happening after so long a time?

Sounds like you need to have an in-person conversation with your old girlfriend about this first.

Thanks!

stevetcg · Jan 6, 2009, 03:48 AM

While this isnt a legal issue, it does pose a moral one. You are under no obligation to have contact with your daughter and no real way to know for sure if she even IS your daughter. On the other hand, you might have a daughter that you never knew.

I really dont have much advice aside from "do what feels right". I honestly have no idea what I would do.

ordinaryguy · Jan 6, 2009, 04:46 AM

If she wants to meet you, I think you should do it. It's not about you, really. Don't try to be somebody you're not, just let her see who you are. She just needs to know the truth. Even if you're a total jerk who wronged her mother and fled in panic.

califdadof3 · Jan 6, 2009, 01:52 PM

stevetcg wrote ( quote ) While this isnt a legal issue, it does pose a moral one. You are under no obligation to have contact with your daughter and no real way to know for sure if she even IS your daughter. On the other hand, you might have a daughter that you never knew ( end quote )

This is alittle shy of the full truth. Its actually both legal and moral. If she is your daughter and at some point Im sure someone is going to ask for proof then you also have an heir. For whatever reason the mother chose to hide you from the child but there could be things happening your not aware of. Keep in mind your under no obligation to meet her. If your not comfortable with it then dont until you sort out your feelings. Phone calls and emails and get to know you before actually meeting is also ok. She and mom had 21 years to think about it ... you were just handed a bombshell. Take your time and gather your thoughts and words. Meet on your terms. And with luck you can enjoy a relationship with your new daughter. And if its ever comes to the point of proof also get your name on the birth certificate. Good Luck.