17yr old mother 20yr old husband(me)

TrickTrick07 · #1 Nov 4, 2007, 12:02 AM

I don't really know if anybody can help me but, my girlfriend and I had a baby and we put him up for adoption but for the 9 months we were thinking about the child she hated the idea of it but we put it him up for adoption and he went home with the adoptive family and for 3 days I tried to help her through what she was going through but she just kept begging me and begging me on her knee's crying to try, to at least try to look after him and so we revoked the adoption mainly because I felt she would never feel better (so really this is all y fault for flip flopping) and our child is now a month old.

I love him with all my heart but she is a very angry person and she yells and screams and gets angry at him for no reason and when she is holding him, slapping doors and cupboards and breaking dishes and stuff when she gets really mad. She makes me scared that one day she might do harm to the baby by accident and I shouldn't ever have to worry about something like that. I told her to move to her mom's for a bit so we could cool off, now she is being unreasonable and trying to make demands and force me to either move out of my current house into a different one, give her 500 a month for the kid and leave myself with no cash at all after paying bills and her and she refuses to put my baby up for adoption with me.

Am I in the right to be scared for my child and try to have the child taken away and put into the protective care of social services or something where my baby wont be relying on a $350 child support check from me and a welfare check?

Synnen · Nov 4, 2007, 12:42 AM

Whoa.

First off...get that girl in counseling. Period. No one should be having tantrums like that with a kid (no matter how much you want to!).

If she refuses counseling, and you believe she's a danger to your child--call CPS.

There is no way to force her to choose adoption.

As far as child support--that would have to be determined by courts.

I really suggest you call a lawyer and find out what your options are, because it sounds like this girl is a little unstable right now (having a kid at 17 does that to you, really, and the whole adoption process probably made it a LOT worse).

I know right now she probably is making demands of you that are not all just money, too. She's probably looking for a commitment (but only if YOU want it too) and for "happily ever after" to come around the corner still--and regardless of the situation, happily ever after only happens in fairy tales. The most the rest of us get is "happy with each other most of the time".

Get the girl in counseling, and try to go with her, if possible--if for no other reason than you're going ot be tied to this girl through your child for the rest of your lives.

froggy7 · Nov 4, 2007, 07:10 AM

I'd also be getting the girl a medical evaluation. It's possible that she is suffering from post-partum depression/psychosis, and that may be treated medically.

K_2 · Nov 4, 2007, 08:12 AM

Did this kind of behavior just began after she had the baby or was she always a angry person? Like someone said, it could be post-partum. I don't know what the relationship is like with her mom, but you could try talking to her and getting your g/f some help. The best thing you can do is protect your child and get your g/f the help she needs. Walking away from her will not improve the situation. It will only get worse. Whatever is going on with your g/f is serious and needs to be handled. She obviously needs help. If you can't get her to seek help voluntarily then you may be have to force her to seek help through courts or child protective services.

TrickTrick07 · Nov 4, 2007, 06:40 PM

She always has had this temper and it hasent gotten any worse or any better since the baby came, people keep trying to tell her its hormones but its really not. She won't change and I'm afraid that if I send CPS then she is just going to play happy and her parents will back her story because she has been feeding them a lot of bull and acting out behind their backs and her parents wont listen to my side. Our relationship was great except that I have been supporting her for a year prior to this and kind of been the victim in the relationship of a hell of a lot of verbal abuse. She went for anger management counciling and it failed miserably because she got angry and stormed out and refused to go back (this was before I met her) and I just wan't my baby to be in a safe loving environment... Even if that mean I need to remove him from my life again... and into another home that is more prepared for him, I dont think she can handle this even with my support, love, money, effort and time. His name is Shawn Dale Mclauchlan.... He dosent deserve to be used as leverage... or as a marter....

K_2 · Nov 5, 2007, 05:22 AM

I assume you two are married, from your post title.

Do you have someplace stable you and the child could go? Such as your parent's home, a grandparents, aunt/uncle, etc. Some place that will provide you with stability and support.

What I would do is take the child, get my own home or with someone stable, file for temporary full custody, and hold off on getting anything permanent and give her a chance to seek help. Tell her you are doing this for her and the child. If she doesn't seek help, you will proceed and get everything finalized.

Again, this is what I would do.

Foxy459459 · Nov 5, 2007, 05:57 AM

I agree with K_2 You have to make sure that your child is safe, and if she already failed anger managenment then you have that on your side already. You dont want her to hurt the baby or her self. I would do what K_2 said, I think its your best option.

TrickTrick07 · Nov 5, 2007, 08:23 AM

Well that is definitely what it could look like too. But if I had just got her pregnant and not cared I would not have lived with her for 10 months and tried to make it work in every way possible. I have expended all my options as far as our relationship, I went over to her house for 3 hours on Saturday to try to talk this out and if you forgot, we already had the baby up for adoption, it was finalized then I went back on it and took the baby back because We both missed him and she was so devastated and she wanted to just try, and she told me in the beginning before the baby went up for adoption the first time that "Well I would rather try and fail rather than never try at all" and I told her that it would be WAY harder to put him up for adoption if we kept him for a while and realized we couldn't and that putting him up for adoption sooner than later was the only logical thing to do. I can't afford to pay for my child, her (who refuses to get a job for another year and has not had one since Nov last year), myself and rent and bills. Plus if I can't afford him now, I know I won't be able to afford to raise him in the near future :S. So here I am trying to talk sensibly to her and she tells me that she wants every dollar off my paycheck that does not go to rent in her hands and she will tell me how much she needs/wants and how much I might be allowed to spend on myself. Part of her list of demands If we were to move back in with each other in a months time....

#1 Move into a new cheaper house

(Really she wants to move because the upstairs tenants who are also my landlords are angry at her and they evicted us in October because of all the constant yelling and screaming into all hours of the night. I had to re-negotiate a new lease with them under strict guidelines, which is a saving grace. She put our whole family on the streets because she couldn't control herself and this yelling and was when she was "looking after" our baby child...)

#2 Child Support

Even though we would be living together and working out our relationship where in I would be happy to pay for whatever the baby needs (whatever I can) And what I needed to buy for Anne, but that isn't enough, she wants to file for child support anyways even while she is living with me.

The list goes on, and its not even about the relationship, after we had a 3 hour talk about all our frustrations and needs, I gave her $150 that I had in my pocket because she needed to buy formula right away and I asked to keep the other $150 in my pocket for underwear and socks and lizard food because I haven't had ANY money in 2 weeks because I made myself poor to be sure I had rent set aside before the 1st and my next pay came on the 2nd or so of November. She said okay, and I had another $400 or so in my savings at home for the baby but I was not going to carry that much money on me to the mall. (I don't live in a nice area of the city) I told her before I walked away "When you need the rest just tell me" and an hour later she phones and says this.

"Okay so... if your check was $1,200 and rent was already set aside and the Telus bill was only $5 (because of the last payment I made) and you bought your bus pass which is 70 dollars and the $150 you gave me and the $150 you still have, where did the rest of your check go?" So I told her "Oh, well I have the rest of it still here at my house in our savings container." and she blew up on the phone and said "Well ya know what Shawn is a little more important than YOU or YOUR savings, you don't give a about Shawn or me and you just don't wanna pay for him at all, I want the other $700 from you check and I want it NOW. I want it by SUNDAY! (this was on the Saturday) and we are filing for child support on MONDAY! (her mom added the last one about child support, I heard her in the background on the phone) So the money is so much more important to her than trying to work things out with me and Shawn so we can have a normal family. Its so undignified, I don't need a court to tell me I love my son... She has been using me like a bank machine for the 8 months prior to our baby being born... Now it doesn't even sound like she wants to try anymore... And if I'm not there to see whats going on, who knows what she might be doing to Shawn. All she has to do is shake him once or drop him once or hit his head against something once while she goes wildly storming about the house. I'm so worried because that phone call proved to me she isn't able to control her temper (Like she Told me she was and promised me would continue and I told her was one of my conditions for moving back in) So I am trying to speak to a lawyer first but then I'm calling CPS and hopefully they can help me :S. I don't even get to see my kid, I miss him so much...



At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you will be able to: Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+ topics. Accept money for answers that you provide. Communicate privately with other members (PM). See fewer ads. Sign Up!