http://www.askmehelpdesk.com en Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:43:00 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/misc/rss.jpg http://www.askmehelpdesk.com http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-can-really-trust-boyfriend-417858.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:31:52 GMT Hey people, so i am in a new relationship of 2 months now and we have alot of feelings for each other. I am 20 and he is a few years older. so he has told me that he has been unfaithful a quite a few times in past relationships and ofcourse this scared me and still scares me. I told my self i... Hey people,

so i am in a new relationship of 2 months now and we have alot of feelings for each other. I am 20 and he is a few years older. so he has told me that he has been unfaithful a quite a few times in past relationships and ofcourse this scared me and still scares me. I told my self i would never date someone who has been unfaithful cuz then its difficult to ultimately trust them which is a horrible thing to not trust someone. but he has said he is older now and over that stupid stuff he did. he says he really wants to be with me and he wants to make it really work with me. and from the look in his eyes and body language i believe him and trust him, also cuz i am very sensitive so i can feel how someone feels. but sometimes i still worry and think what if... so how do i ultimately trust my boyfriend so i can just move on and enjoy our relationship ???

would be great with some advice because i wonna feel good with him and make it work.
thanks!! ]]> Relationships RNM http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-can-really-trust-boyfriend-417858.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-am-always-uptight-when-comes-relationships-417840.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:57:35 GMT Is it possible to be scared of getting close to someone. I have NEVER been extremely close to any guy and I am so scared that I will never be able to. For example, I'm afraid to get too close to a guy in case I dont like it. My mind is always racing and I never seems to let myself enjoy myself. Whats that all about. I dont know what to do to stop all these fears that circle my mind constantly from taking me over. Its all I ever think about and worry about these days and my actual social life and academic life I fear is suffering. What can I do, please give me some guidance.
Thanks in advance,
Anxious girl. ]]> Relationships anxious girl http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-am-always-uptight-when-comes-relationships-417840.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/gf-never-wants-sex-417797.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:24:47 GMT This has been a growing concern of mine and it's putting a lot of stress on me and our relationship.. anyways we have been together for 3 years now and living together for about 2 years. Things started off great just like any other new relationship and sex was good. Lately though she never wants to have sex and even pushes me away when i touch her. Even when i kiss her it doesnt feel like she does it with any passion. A big problem has been that she wants to get married but i am not quite ready yet, especially when we never have sex. dont get me wrong it's not all im after but i believe it's a big part of any relationship. to make matters worse her family has also been pressuring me to marry her and have even confronted me about it. I hear she also has given me an ultimatum of 6 months. ( i heard this from friends of her friends). I guess we might just have different sex drives but when i ask her about it she says that it just isnt a big need for her. she told me she has been bored lately and i feel like she is depressed as well. So what do i do? I feel like telling her that we need sex to make this relationship work but i feel that would push her away even more. But i dont think i can take this sexless relationship anymore, especially if she wants to get married.. I NEED HELP!

ALSO i forgot to say that i know couples have sex less and less but it's been almost 4 months now with nothing.. ]]> Relationships concerned11984 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/gf-never-wants-sex-417797.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dreams-can-major-setbacks-417780.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:14:27 GMT I've been in NC with my ex for about a week and a half and it's amazing how much better I feel now than I did when I started. After the first maybe 2 days of NC, i began to focus my energy elsewhere, and started to think less about my ex.
If you don't know my story, me and my ex broke up, and then she jumped into another relationship about 3 and a half weeks later. But anyways, I've been feeling GREAT, confidence is back up, getting ready to finish out the semester strong. Don't really think about my ex too much unless something or someone reminds me of her. But last night I had a dream and when I woke up I felt like crap. It was a dream about me hooking up with her while she was dating her new guy and her telling me how much better he was than me in every way, while I know this isn't true, just the thought of that makes me a little bit upset.
I know we can't really control our dreams, but is there anything I can do? I don't want this to ruin my weekend ]]> Relationships sadnlostedddd http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dreams-can-major-setbacks-417780.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/will-he-ever-love-me-again-417761.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:29:18 GMT I told my lover about a threesome I had, a year into our very intense and caring two year relationship, we've ourselves, never consumated our relationship but have become online lovers. He now loathes me and said at that moment that looking at me, makes him sick to his stomach..that the fantastic picture he had painted of me, was wrong and that he regarded me with contempt. Feeling so scared that he would leave me, I then lied to him about the number of people I had been intimate with, he called me out immediately and I tried to tell him that I did not want him to think even less of me. He is so mad at himself, saying he was a fool to think that the picture he created of me, was indeed reality. He is an amazing man and certainly the love of my life. He has told me that I need to take a long hard look at myself and tell me what I want from him. When the truth is, I want to share my life with this man and make him as happy as he has made me. I want a chance to prove to him that, that girl who had the threesome, is not who I am, that it was a really bad call on my part and that I love him sincerely. Will he ever forgive me and should I just let him live his life without me? How do I implore him not to give up on what could be a beautiful union? ]]> Relationships Sonskyn http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/will-he-ever-love-me-again-417761.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/hunting-verses-birth-day-417714.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:24:40 GMT Ok, I happen to have a birthday on second season deer hunting. Nov. 21st. I, as a rule, dont put much importance on birthdays, but... Im mad! Yeah, he is not going to be around for my birthday. Mind you, not many men have stuck around to see this event. Try None! Must be Minnesota... or, am I right... Ok, I happen to have a birthday on second season deer hunting. Nov. 21st. I, as a rule, dont put much importance on birthdays, but... Im mad! Yeah, he is not going to be around for my birthday. Mind you, not many men have stuck around to see this event. Try None! Must be Minnesota... or, am I right to be mad? Tell me what you think. Ask away... ]]> Relationships rockie100 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/hunting-verses-birth-day-417714.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dont-know-what-do-bf-growing-distant-me-after-we-had-huge-fight-417687.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:46:41 GMT I've been with this guy for a long time, he have broken up with me before, after being with him for 1 year and 1 month he broke up with me first for 7 months then we came back but only lasted 3 months and then he broke up with me again and we were separated for 4 months. After those 4 months apart he asked me to come back with me and now we've been together for 10 months without breaking up. The reasons he gave me before for dumping me were that I was too jealous and I got mad at everything. Well were doing ok now, he was charming ahd sweet and always tried to go to my home everyday no matter what. But there was a problem, we always fought because i couldn't trust him ( that is because he had lied to me before) and there is this girl who is really good friends with his mom and sister and something that really bothers me is that she goes almost everyday to his home for lunch or her mom always invites her. The times we fought he would calm me down and assure me that he didn't like her at all, and that he loved me and wanted me to be his wife in the future. He would also tell me that he wasn't gonna leave me like he did before, that he wasn't going to make that mistake again. Well, this last fight (4 days ago) he got really mad and told me that he was tired that i did not trust him, that he respected me and that he always does everything for me and didn't know what else to do. He was really upset. The next day he didn't call me nor appear and I had to go to his home but he was different, he was cold, he wasn't sweet anymore, before he would call me "My love, honey, etc" and now most of the time he just calls me my name. I talked to him and told him that i felt an awkwardness between us and he told me that he was still mad and sad because of the fight and that he didn't know what he wanted for his life and was confused but he didn't want to make any decision cause he could regret later,so he told me that i should give him a day. So i did, but all that day I was anxious and sad cause i did not know what he was going to tell him. So the next day when we talked, i told him that i was sorry for not trusting him and that i was going to try not to get mad at everything and start a fight..so he told me that this month was going to be a probation month, we are going to be together but that we were going to see if we fight like before or if we improve, if we did we were going to stay together but if we fought a lot we would have to take other measures..well i agreed because i didn't wanted to loose him, but he put me conditions...he told me that he was not going to visit me everyday that when he had to go to play soccer or when he had to do another stuff or when i had to studied or we were busy he would not go to my home. That was really sad for me but i didnt say anything, after that he was been different with me, yesterday he pick me up to go to his home and talk to me ok but he wasn't so sweet with him like before, and i could feel that coldness between us...today he told me that he wasn't going to come to my home because he was tired from working and wanted to rest. So i asked him what was wrong, why he was like that, he wasn't like that before, i asked him if he didn't want to be with me anymore and if he doesn't say anything because he did not want to hurt me, but all he says is that he is just tired from work, that he is stress out because he has more work now, that he is not going to leave me that i should stop thinking that and chill out, all he wants is to be ok with me...I really don't know what to do anymore because i do love him and he is really hurting me by the way he is acting with me, i cant concentrate, i almost dont eat anything, i can't study...this is wearing me out...I dont want to loose him but at the same time i want to be happy i want his old caring self to be back again but I dont know what is going on in his mind..he is growing distant and distant and I dont know what to do..im starting to feel uncomfortable around him, i am scared, i dont know what to say anymore...really i need some advice for this...cause i am getting more and more depressed. ]]> Relationships krebecam http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dont-know-what-do-bf-growing-distant-me-after-we-had-huge-fight-417687.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-older-then-me-how-do-introduce-him-mom-417674.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:59:07 GMT k so my boyfriend is 19 and im 15. i have known him for a long time and we've just been friends. we started dating when he was 18. my sister knows and she hates the guy which makes me more scared to tell my mom. my mom knows i hang out with then just not that im dating one of them. how do i tell my mom? my sister cant be there because she'll swing her opinion in a second.. help?? ]]> Relationships alexdawn http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-older-then-me-how-do-introduce-him-mom-417674.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-could-he-live-double-life-417659.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:10:03 GMT I have been involved with this man for four years-- Long story short, I went to his apartment one day to surprise him and another woman was unlocking his front door. I confronted this woman, and oh by the way, I know her and she is also married. My boyfriend is not married and I am not married. ... I have been involved with this man for four years-- Long story short, I went to his apartment one day to surprise him and another woman was unlocking his front door. I confronted this woman, and oh by the way, I know her and she is also married. My boyfriend is not married and I am not married. She tells me that she has been seeing him for a while. Of course, the boyfriend tells me he will end this, however, it is not over. She is very much in his life. The boyfirend gets very hateful when I bring this up and you would think I was the one that did somehting wrong.

Who is this guy? He doesn not and has not shown any signs of any sorrow or remorse. Is he a sociopath? I don't understand how he can keep lying and telling me he loves me and I am the one he is in love with but yet he is still involved with another woman at the same time. What is the deal? Has anyone experienced this before? ]]> Relationships Lynne14 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-could-he-live-double-life-417659.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/past-relationships-417644.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 02:28:41 GMT Hello everyone!!!! So, here I am with a question/opinion. I recently got into another relationship. (WOOT :D:D) We took our time getting to know each other and finally decided to be exclusive. Now the only major difference between her and I is that she has dated many men in her past (roughly 10)... Hello everyone!!!!

So, here I am with a question/opinion. I recently got into another relationship. (WOOT :D:D) We took our time getting to know each other and finally decided to be exclusive. Now the only major difference between her and I is that she has dated many men in her past (roughly 10) and I only was involved in 1 serious relationship. So my question is.....

How do I know that I will not just be another man in her life for a short period before she moves on?

She said that she is looking for a LTR relationship but should I even be worried about it.
The way I see this is that if she likes me for who I am then she will be committed but if we are not completly compatible then she will move on. I am not looking any further than a day at a time. But I am just curious.


Oh and a quick update on my situation. After compeletly getting over my ex I have been experiencing nothing but great things. I am performing my own independent psychology study (as a undergrad! :eek:), have met many new people, met a beautiful new woman, and have been able to have much more freedom. I am healthier then ever before and really enjoy my life. I am healthier psychologically too and do not put myself down anymore. ]]> Relationships A4Effort http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/past-relationships-417644.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/best-friend-bi-why-do-feel-way-417628.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:34:45 GMT Hi.

I have best gal pal. I don't really have many of those [gal pals]. I don't know how this is going to sound but most of the girl friends I've had started liking me in ways other than friendship, I wasn't interested [i'm straight] so we got distant.

This friend, let's call her B. Whenever a girl told me their feelings for me I would go talk to B about it and we would laugh about it. She knew once that happened that it completely killed off the frienship I had with them.

Recently, she told me that she was bi.

So anyways, I'm not bothered that my bestfriend is bi, nor should I be but then again I am. Not that she grosses me out but that I thought we were both straight, like she lied to me.

Do you get what I'm trying to say?

I felt like she lied to me.

Grrr. What wrong with me.

Sarah ]]> Relationships mudweiser http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/best-friend-bi-why-do-feel-way-417628.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-should-get-over-breakup-417624.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:11:19 GMT Hello,
Well this is the 2nd day i've been using this site. I feel like this site is helping me through. Well i wanna post something for the first time, please read, and comment, i seriously need help with this.

Okay, well my ex boyfriend and I have been dating for 17 months. We fought somewhat alot, but we had alot of good times to make up for it. He lived with me when we were in our relationship for 3 months. Recently, we've been fighting alot, but I thought everything was okay. So about 2 weeks, he went to his moms because of a fight. I called him the next day, crying and asking him to come over. He said he was sorry for the fight but didnt feel like coming over because he had work really early the next day. All of a sudden, he turned his phone off for no reason. I called him, and left voice mails, but his phone was still off. I went there the next day to see whats up, as soon as I got there, he asked why I was there, so I left right after that, walked off crying actually. So a few days later his friend came to get some of his things. Than, that night I called him, but he had changed his number. So, i left him alone for the weekend. I wrote him a very long email, but he has not read it yet. So, that Monday, his friend asked to come get the rest of his clothes, so I pretty much broke down, didn't even know what was happening anymore. So, I did something stupid, I went back to his moms, but he wasn't there, he went to the mall with his friend. So, i went home crying, making the same mistake that I did. So, now i haven't talked to him, since the night he turned his phone off. So, how should I get over this, and how do I get him back without calling him, because alot of people told me to not call him at all. I really want this to work, I want to get him back, I can't even describe the pain that I have been in these past two weeks. So please comment, help me through this, and give tips on what I should do to get him back, and how to feel better through this break up. Thanks so much guys, please comment! Emily ]]> Relationships esmuk01 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-should-get-over-breakup-417624.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/getting-baby-back-417590.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:52:27 GMT My boyfriend broke it off with me 2 weeks ago, he tried to do it by phone, but when I did not want to talk about it, he emailed me, very abruptly. I answered rather directly that I agreed, yet 1 week later, I did email him, about how sad I was that I did not treat him well and how I sabotaged the... My boyfriend broke it off with me 2 weeks ago, he tried to do it by phone, but when I did not want to talk about it, he emailed me, very abruptly. I answered rather directly that I agreed, yet 1 week later, I did email him, about how sad I was that I did not treat him well and how I sabotaged the relationship. Which frankly I did.
I have known him for 3 years and have been pushing him away for all those years, for though I liked him a lot, I did not like the fact that he was over weight by 70 pounds.
He came back the 3rd time, very much in love with me, and since I always had great sex with him, lots in common and a great friendship, I decided to move forward with him. He knew that the weight was a problem with me, so he told me that he was going to loose it, by exercising, dieting etc, and that it was for him, not just for me.
I could not leave him alone to do it. He did not like that I was trying to fix him up, so he would make a comment, that I was creating a list, I became controlling and critical about it, which of course put him off.
I realized that his weight bothering me was really my own self-esteem issues, for I am out of work, and being relentlessly harassed by my landlady (another story) and felt like my life was out of control. We both are loners and have not been in relationships for a long time.
I am 55 and he is 56. He is a terrific guy, quirky, creative and very interesting. I did not appreciate him when I was with him and have been pushing him away for years, I really pushed him away this time, and when I felt him not longer in love with me. I started having abandonment attacks, which made me look needy and that of course pushed him away more.
I wrote him an email and explained to him these things, without begging him to come back, and it is only a week since, I intend to leave him alone. I owe him some money, which I do not have right now.
I am looking for an opportunity to see him, working on my self-esteem and my looks, thinking positive and ready to accept him the way he is.
Is there anything else I can do to get him back?
He is one of a kind. ]]> Relationships quiche1 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/getting-baby-back-417590.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/im-trying-so-hard-417586.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:43:37 GMT Hi, My boyfriend just broke up with me last Friday and it was very sudden and painful and some of the things he said and did really hurt me. He began acting different out of the blue on Monday and suggested a break on Thursday only to break up with me via text on Friday morning. I was... Hi,

My boyfriend just broke up with me last Friday and it was very sudden and painful and some of the things he said and did really hurt me. He began acting different out of the blue on Monday and suggested a break on Thursday only to break up with me via text on Friday morning. I was devastated.

I have no idea what caused him to change his mind about me. On Sunday we were talking and laughing and he was telling me how much he loved me and on Monday he just stopped caring. He was not my first love, but my second and it killed me that I was dumped again out of the blue by another guy. The first one left me also with no explanation and saying he still loved me and blah blah blah.

I tried to fix how I was in this relationship but this guy just wouldn't leave me alone. He was clingy and always wanted to see me and I just couldn't always say no without offending him so we spent way too much time together. I became dependent on him as I don't have many other friends and am a very anxious person and I find it difficult to meet people. I hated it and now he's gone and I feel so alone.

We've talked a bit and he keeps telling me how sorry he is, and that he doesn't want to abandon me and that he still wants to be friends so I'm leaving the door open for him to make that effort and trying not to initiate anything with him as it is not healthy for me. I don't want to completely stop talking to him and try and forget this never happened because I am going to be seeing him around school for a few years and it would hurt.

Anyway, we haven't hung out yet, but he says we will nect week. And today I saw him walking. I knew I would because our classes were in opposite buildings so we always cross paths at that time and I was filled with so much anxiety and I just panicked. We were on the stairs when we saw each other so we didn't say a word but he gave me simle and a wave. It devastated me. I had hoped to clear the air a bit and be friendly and try and make it less awkward the first time I saw him, but it was on the stairs and we couldn't stop. I freaked out. I'm upset that he looked so happy when I'm so miserable and that we couldn't talk at all.

I'm freaking out again now and I really have no idea what to do. I need advice on what to do if/ when I see him again? Sorry this is so long.

Thanks. ]]> Relationships PenguinHat http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/im-trying-so-hard-417586.html http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/guy-like-torn-between-me-another-girl-417565.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:09:10 GMT The Guy I like is torn between me and another girl. his name Is Nick King and he is all I think about since the day we stayed after school alone in the cafeteria and he bought me a snack and We shared a drink. He hugs me everyday and I can't stop thinking about him.
My friend yrene and I have been trying to hook us up and today she told me that nick didn't know what to do. Instead of a me and Him hug he Hugged me and Emily at the same time. She is really pretty. Today at the ceromony I saw Him sitting wth her and her friends and he kept looking over at me with my friends in the previous day at school me and emily were great friends and then persumed I was a lez for trying to give her a friend hug everydayy. I feel a connection with me and nick. I never see him with emily though.
Once nick ran across the hall to give me a hug and hold on and say he loves me. I said it back of course then he said He loved me more. I really like him but just like him I don't know what to do. My friend yrene and i invited him to the movies with us tomorrow with a group of people. I hope he can come. I loe every moment with Him when i see him all i want to do is kiss him. But thing is were not dating. I enjoy having him around and in my life. I feel like we click ya know? anyways what should I do? ]]> Relationships RaDiOWaCk http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/guy-like-torn-between-me-another-girl-417565.html