<![CDATA[Ask Me Help Desk - Humor & Comedy]]> http://www.askmehelpdesk.com en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:59:23 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/misc/rss.jpg <![CDATA[Ask Me Help Desk - Humor & Comedy]]> http://www.askmehelpdesk.com Say what? http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/say-what-417782.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:23:05 GMT A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.' ]]> CaptainRich http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/say-what-417782.html Hospital Regulations http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/hospital-regulations-417781.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:19:35 GMT Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' ]]> CaptainRich http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/hospital-regulations-417781.html Garage Door http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/garage-door-417775.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:06:42 GMT The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.. ]]> CaptainRich http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/garage-door-417775.html Life before fame - the anagrams predict http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/life-before-fame-anagrams-predict-417731.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:38:53 GMT How did they arrive at the status they attained? Mario Andretti grew up during the peak of "TOT RIDER MANIA". Danica Patrick was surely, at some point, a "KID CAR CAPTAIN". A young Dale Earnhardt gained sponsors in hopes of one day wearing a "REAL DARNED HAT". Richard Petty won his first car in a poker game when he was dealt a "PRETTY HI CARD". Rusty Wallace turned to racing after learning he "REALLY WAS CUT" from his high school basketball team. When Tony Stewart received a go-kart for his tenth birthday, he was chomping at the bit to "START NEW TOY". ]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/life-before-fame-anagrams-predict-417731.html Life after football? The anagrams know. http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/life-after-football-anagrams-know-417635.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:57:50 GMT These guys can't play forever. What will they do next? Terrell Owens will join the WWF as the "LONE WRESTLER". Ray Lewis will join the I.B.E.W. & "LAY WIRES", or perhaps take the BAR exam...guess who my "LAWYER IS"? Adrian Peterson becomes a sports doctor, and in his first procedure he "REPAIRS A TENDON". The collectible Tony Romo bobblehead is nothing more than a "TOY MORON". Eli Manning's brief stint in baseball will end abruptly with one "LAME INNING"...later, his most intimate preferences are exposed when he is discovered "NAILING MEN". Brett Farve will have a sitcom..."BEER FART TV". Some think Reggie Bush won't be around football much longer, but fate says his next career will "BE USHER GIG". Better news for Chad Ochocinco: he will stroll the sidelines as an assistant, nicknamed "COACH COCO HIND". Bitter over being replaced, Hines Ward becomes a "SAD WHINER". Vince Young's divisive ways will brand him "CONNIVE GUY". Tony Gonzales will retreat to desert sun worship as a "SALTY ZEN GOON". The future for Tom Brady is rather grim...an untimely arrival at a "TOMB YARD". Steelers QB Roethlisberger will be memorialized with a headstone that reads "HERE ROTS GERBIL". ]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/life-after-football-anagrams-know-417635.html Hilarious Anagram http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/hilarious-anagram-417598.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:24:49 GMT Heard a hilarious anagram today. The letters in Mother-In-Law can be arranged to spell woman Hitler. I guess every married person will get that one! Lucky for me I'm single. ]]> earl237 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/hilarious-anagram-417598.html Gay Terrorist? http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/gay-terrorist-417432.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:47:37 GMT If you see this guy, contact the FBI immediately. His name is YoMama Bin Shoppin. :p If you see this guy, contact the FBI immediately.

His name is YoMama Bin Shoppin.

:p
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]]> RickJ http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/gay-terrorist-417432.html This has got to stop. http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/has-got-stop-417343.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:36:49 GMT PEYTON MANNING: (he does travel a lot during football season, and has a few favorite places to stay). At Redskins - "MY PENTAGON INN". At 49ers - "PANTY GNOME INN". At Cowboys - "PONY MAGNET INN". When his horse needs a rest - "NAG-ON-EMPTY INN". If he wants to be catered to, he stays at "OPEN MY TANG INN". After a bad game, he likes to be alone, so he stays at "GONNA PET MY... INN". ]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/has-got-stop-417343.html Anagrams PT. II http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/anagrams-pt-ii-417335.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:58:01 GMT Unbelieveable... ROSIE O'DONNELL: smells like an "ONION SEED ROLL"; career flopped because she "RELIED ON LOONS"; fan club? "ENROLL, DIE SOON"; on her way to being an "IDLE LONER SOON"; that's o.k., she'll turn to food - "SOLO DINNER! OLE'!"; she's uncomparable - there is "NO OLDER LESION". ]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/anagrams-pt-ii-417335.html <![CDATA[Anagrams - "hidden" truth]]> http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/anagrams-hidden-truth-417330.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:36:43 GMT COURTNEY LOVE (take your pick): "Curt no love ye"; "coy volunteer"; "cruel toy oven"; "envoy to ulcer"; "envy cure tool"; and if used twice, "count ye lover - even your colt". ]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/anagrams-hidden-truth-417330.html Bad news. http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/bad-news-417278.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:24:25 GMT Poor little guy...overheard mommy say, "I think it's time Junior was weaned..."
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]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/bad-news-417278.html <![CDATA[Victims of "The Rosie O'Donnell Show"]]> http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/victims-rosie-odonnell-show-417257.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:25:01 GMT No explaination necessary... No explaination necessary...
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]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/victims-rosie-odonnell-show-417257.html Economic Indicator - making a stand against foreclosure http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/economic-indicator-making-stand-against-foreclosure-417256.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:19:07 GMT Alas, another American dream shattered... Alas, another American dream shattered...
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]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/economic-indicator-making-stand-against-foreclosure-417256.html For anyone (stringer) who was wondering. http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/anyone-stringer-who-wondering-417253.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:09:55 GMT The answer is "YES".
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]]> KC13 http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/anyone-stringer-who-wondering-417253.html One sure way to know if your driving too fast. http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/one-sure-way-know-if-your-driving-too-fast-417236.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:26:24 GMT Am I driving too fast for you? Am I driving too fast for you?
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]]> KeepItSimpleStupid http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/humor-comedy/one-sure-way-know-if-your-driving-too-fast-417236.html