My sister is getting married very soon. She and her fiance have suggested that guests give a gift in the form of a donation of money towards their honeymoon, as they have already been living together for some years and are all set up. (They made this suggestion on the invitations in a most polite manner, but I know that it's more than a suggestion)
Therefore, my question is not what to give, but how much?
They are spending quite alot on this wedding. Thing is - I've already spent close to $800 to gussy up as her bridesmaid and can't afford to give them as much as I'd like to.
How should I avoid feeling embarrassed when the day rolls around?

shygrneyzs

I would take my gift money and donate it to a charity or non profit organization that they support. Maybe I am old fashioned here, but giving money so they can honeymoon?
You have already spent $800.00 helping out with the bridesmaids. That is not really a wedding present - that is more like the engagement gift to your sister.

Just do what you feel comfortable doing. If you do not feel comfortable giving money towards a honeymoon, why not something they would need on their trip?

becs6188

my friends did this, an i paid for a relaxing massage for each of them on one of the days on their honeymoon, you should beable to go into the travel agents they booked it with quote the booking name and there should be a list of things you can pay for for them ie scuba lessons, boat trips, massages, spa days etc, this way you can be cheeky and pick a cheaper activity and there u have it a wedding present.... hope this helps.

RubyPitbull

I think you have some great ideas becs!

I agree with what shy is saying about giving money. FYI, it is against the rules of standard etiquette to request presents of any kind in a wedding invitation, much less money. Big no no. But, JMT, you seem to understand that already.

Will your sister be satisfied with your purchasing one of the ideas that becs has suggested? Or will she make you feel as if you didn't do enough? That is the question you have to consider when making your decision.

Sometimes, we have to bite the bullet at certain points in our lives. A sister getting married is one of those times. If you think that she is going to give you a lifetime of complaining about how cheap you were to her, it is easier to just give her as much as you can afford to give.

tinsign

It is extremely rude and unethical to ask for money as a gift, and i am sure your sister and husband to be have upset more than one person invited to the wedding by doing that. As far as a money gift to them personally i say if you are real stretched on cash give maybe 20.00-25.00 each. I very much like the suggestion you got from shygrneyzs but you might have to deal with grateful sister later saying she stated cash and nothing else. Little note if i was in your place ..i would write a little note later after the honeymoon and say when you recieve the thankyou note this....i was truly hoping to get the both of you something you could treasure for years to come, since money is just a paper item with such little thought .

Lowtax4eva

it is extremely common for people of mediteranean descent to expect and give money as a wedding gift. We have on a few occasions. In general you should give an ammount that is more than the cost of the meal at the reception. For instance if they are serving a very high class meal that would cost 100 or more per person you should give at least 200 if there are 2 of you going.

But it's really up to you, are either of them of italian descent? (did i spell descent right?)

JMT

No, not of italian descent, it just seems that more younger couples are asking for money rather than gifts these days.

FYI - My cousin is getting married in 3 weeks time, and they have asked the same of the guests (although they even included their bank account details on the invitation so money could be directly deposited to them! Bit much I thought...)

If I were in their position, and there was really nothing I needed, it is a good way to avoid ending up with alot of junk and ugly household decor that you feel obliged to display.
Hopefully by the time I get married it will be completely acceptable to do this, but I think it's something that will always make some guests uncomfortable. That's the last thing i'd want for my loved ones on my wedding day (Note: I am not planning a wedding for myself in the forseeable future, kinda sounded that way huh?)

Those are some great suggestions though, guys! Thanks

lacuran8626

It is ALWAYS poor form to provide any type of mention of a gift in a wedding invitation and is very presumptuous. Those little cards that are provided by retailers to put into wedding invitations are simpy tacky.

Generally, when someone hosts a wedding shower, the hosts of the shower (which should never be their own mothers...also tacky) can politely advise as people respond to the shower invitations where the couple are registered. In this way, word gets around. Similarly, if asked, the hosts of a showers or family members can inform guests that, "well, they have most everything for setting up the household, so I would suggest a contribution toward their honeymoon". This way it doesn't sound like the couple is demanding expensive gifts.

People lately forget that wedding guests are gifts, and that the wedding reception should not be just a big show - it should be the couple's and their family's opportunity to entertain and thank all the people who have been important to the couple over the years, and who they are welcoming to continue to be part of their new married life. I hate the greed and show-offiness that is taking over weddings, and the whole trend of wanting to rake it in. If collecting the goods is that important, it makes more sense to have a modest wedding and save the expense for the big bash.

grammadidi

It makes sense to give a cash gift to a couple who are either older or already established because they have been living together for a period of time. I am sure though, that your sister is aware of your financial situation and what you have spent. I think that as she has felt comfortable enough to ask for money on her invitations (albeit nicely), that as her sister you should be able to talk to her and explain that with the cost of the bridesmaid dress, etc, that you really can't give her as much as you would like to as a wedding gift and you hope she understands.

I recently saw a news story on the amount of gifts for weddings and I think they said the average gift is about $50.00 to $75.00 per person. I looked for the story on the internet and came up with THIS. It lists a variety of scenarios based upon your relationship with the bride and groom. It also suggests that your gift just needs to be thoughtful, not equal to the value of the plate AND it has some great gift ideas for those who can't spend much money. I hope it helps!

Love, Didi

JMT

Lacuran, I'm well aware of the "etiquette" in relation to this issue. I was asking for helpful advice, not for people to put s**t on my family about it. Offence taken.

You are entitled to your opinion, but if it is not nice, and much less helpful, please don't post them.