Hi all. This is very much a grey area and I really dont know the correct etiquette for this situation.

Last night was my husbands work Christmas party. It was an informal BBQ at his boss's home. It was pre-arranged last week that the wives would each bring 2 salads and 1 dessert. The boss also told the wives to keep their supermarket receipts for re-imbursement for the cost of the food by the company. The boss was paying for the bbq meat and alcohol from the company's petty cash.

Hubby and I caught a taxi to the party. There was a massive amount of food left over, with only about 30% eaten. On leaving at the end of the night, the taxi arrived earlier than expected and I told the hostess we would be back tomorrow to pick up our salad bowls.

On our return the next day to pick up our things, the boss's wife handed me back all the bowls - empty. She had kept all the left-over food for themselves. Also the boss said he wouldn't be able to re-imburse us for the cost of what we brought, as he'd spent all the budget on the meat and drinks.

Am I justified in feeling just a little used? I'm thinking that all the workers contributed financially to the party, the boss used the petty cash to pay for some, and then the boss and his wife kept what was left. This is not the first time this has happened.

Just curious about others opinions?

tree hugger

Thanks all for your valued input. Bizygurl, I agree with you entirely.

Just as a footnote; at the conclusion of Christmas lunch with the inlaws, and prior to leaving, was asked by my mother inlaw if I could please leave the food that we had brought. I said no, as we were going to my family for Christmas dinner and wanted to take the ham and dessert with me.

I just find this unbelievably rude to actually ask someone to keep their food. I couldn't even entertain the thought of doing that.

I'm not familiar with Christmas day customs in other countries, but in Australia, families often travel to have lunch and dinner with different family members (sometimes includes breakfast too). Due to distance, its not always possible for everyone, but we only live 1 hour from my inlaws and 1 mile from my parents.

bizygurl

That sounds like most of what people, here in the states do on christmas. On christmas eve everyyear, we have some of my family and all of my husbands family at out house and every year someone does bring food, usually a dessert. If there is some left over I always ask the person who brought the dish if they would like to take the rest home most of the time people would rather just leave it with us, i guess as a sign for our hospitality for cooking the meal and having them over. But I really am not offended if someone would rather take the rest with them. Sometimes if we have tons of leftovers of the meal I prepared I will actually ask them if they would like some leftover ham or turkey etc. When im at someone elses place I would like to be asked and most of the time I just leave it with the person, But for someone to ask you to "leave the food" is very tacky and not right. Good for you for standing up and saying no, I commend you for that. Sometimes its very hard to tell people no, especially family. Good for you!

augustknight

I see two issues here. The food and the promise to reimburse. Generally speaking I think it's fine to make a plate or two to bring home that night. Especially if there are kids or an older parent at home. Frankly I wouldn't be interested in getting the food the next day. We all have been on both sides, as host or guest. The host is left with clean up duty and I think it is expecting too much to have him/her dole out protions for everyone that attented. As a guest I am required to bring something. Once that is given it is no longer my property. If you live in an urban area as I do, we always donate the food to a local shelter.
The other issue I believe is far more serious. The host broke his promise and used his position as boss to bully his way out of it. However you could not have known that beforehand. So you would not have expected to take back food that was paid for by someone else.
I admit the whole affair could have been handled with far more class. It was slimy but I would leave it be. There are other considerations here. Don't consider your loss to be total however, next time you will be far wiser as to the effort and expensive you want to contribute to his next party.

s_cianci

If in fact the boss indicated that you'd be reimbursed for the expense you put out for the food you brought to the party, then he made a serious misrepresentation. Unfortunately you're in a serious predicament. Clearly you were wronged but it involves your husband's boss and his company's christmas party. Your practical options for recourse are quite limited. Is there a union involved? If so, your husband and his co-workers may be able to file a grievance through the union, especially if the contract stipulates who'll finance the annual christmas party or otherwise prohibits any granting of favors between coworkers or between coworkers and management. Otherwise the best course of action may be for everyone to boycott next year's christmas party as a form of protest. If everyone is united and acts together the boss will probably get the message and not be so likely to con everyone into paying for part of the christmas party, for which he and his wife get to be the primary beneficiaries, after specifically promising to reimburse everyone.

Sosdog

well, the very first thing would be to determine what the 'boss' actually said.

did he say 'all food brought would be reimbursed!' or 'ill reimburse those that bring food out of petty cash!'?

it may seem like a fine line, but if he budgeted so much from petty cash (and is this a proper use for petty cash?) then going over that budget would not be good. he has to account for it.

second, did they keep the food? or did they throw it away? in your post you said that 'you would be back tomorrow for the bowls.' it would seem to me that if someone said this to me, id empty and wash the bowls for you.

well, i can't relly see you getting irritated about losing the salads. doesnt seem like you from what i read of your post. the thing that is getting you is that he said he would pay, and didnt, and then appears to have insulted you by not returning the leftovers (do we know that there were, in fact, any leftovers.)

im not trying to be critical, im just trying to understand the mindsets involved at the time.

Sos