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    squeezplay's Avatar
    squeezplay Posts: 23, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 17, 2008, 01:20 PM
    Should I send my ex a birthday card?
    We broke up in August. She's got a new boyfriend. I wanted to know if its OK to just send her a plain birthday card. I feel it wouldn't be nice to not send it to her. Its been about a month and change with no contact. Im not trying to get her back its just a simple card and if she calls me I prob won't even answer.
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #2

    Nov 17, 2008, 01:27 PM

    I wouldn't. I understand you are doing it to be nice, but I honestly think that it just creates more random thoughts in your head. If she gets in contact to "thank you" then that can open up a whole other can of worms. She has plenty of people around her to wish her a happy birthday. You don't need to go out of your way to do it. No longer your job.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #3

    Nov 17, 2008, 01:36 PM

    No do not send it
    Boristheblade's Avatar
    Boristheblade Posts: 141, Reputation: 17
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    #4

    Nov 17, 2008, 04:11 PM

    I agree. It's as simple as that- don't send it.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #5

    Nov 17, 2008, 04:33 PM

    No!!

    Would she send you one??
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #6

    Nov 17, 2008, 04:38 PM

    Im not trying to get her back its just a simple card and if she calls me I prob won't even answer.
    So you want to open the lines of communication by sending a card, then if she calls to thank you you'll ignore it?

    Stick to no contact, she's got a new boyfriend that will buy her a card for her birthday.

    Good luck.
    squeezplay's Avatar
    squeezplay Posts: 23, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Nov 17, 2008, 07:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by friend4u178 View Post
    No!!!

    Would she send you one???
    Honestly yea. Well I think she would. Actually no.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #8

    Nov 17, 2008, 07:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by squeezplay View Post
    honestly yea. well I think she would. actualy no.
    Question solved ;)
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #9

    Nov 17, 2008, 07:51 PM

    Ya its not fair to feck her around like this.. either your opening lines of communication or your not. And something tells me you wouldn't mind if she came running back to you once she got it?? :D
    lrwilkins's Avatar
    lrwilkins Posts: 48, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    Nov 17, 2008, 07:57 PM

    Squeezeplay,

    No. The only reason you want to send it is to see if there is something still there. She has already moved on after a month. Just write down everything you want to say to her in a letter, read over it, revise it, and read it again. After the reality of the words have sunk in, rip it up and move on. Trust me, I've done it and felt great afterwards. I even wrote a poem on Helium that expressed my feelings.

    Everything will be okay. You will meet someone else.

    Good Luck!

    LaCresha
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #11

    Nov 17, 2008, 08:28 PM

    Yep.
    BrewCrew0981's Avatar
    BrewCrew0981 Posts: 128, Reputation: 21
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    #12

    Nov 17, 2008, 08:51 PM

    We ALL go through this scenario. Do we send/call/text our ex's on their BDays. The answer is just about ALWAYS a resounding, NO!

    Let's be real about it for a second. Whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, you really aren't sending a card "just to be nice." I'm sure partially you are, but that isn't your motive deep down inside. Chances are you haven't really talked to her, and if you've been following NC (like you should be), you haven't spoken or seen her at all. You're trying to get her to react to something from you, so she will initiate contact.

    There are only 2 possible ways it can play out if you send it: 1) She doesn't respond, deep down you are sad and realize she doesn't care. She might have ripped it up and tossed it in the trash. 2) She calls/texts or what have you. You then are dragging yourself back to the beginning filled with false hope and promise, only to realize it'll be nothing but a big letdown, yet again.

    Save yourself the aggravation and emotional turmoil. Just say no to ANY form of contact!
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