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Hello,
Me and my ex-girlfriend have had limited contact since September of last year. She has rarely called and communicates in the form of text messages(which reflects on my cell phone bill as a charge-as miniscule as it might be). I have been reticent to contact her as I think she is seeing somebody else-more than likely living in sin with her new boyfriend if they are not already married(she has married before behind my back and came reeling back after it failed within a month).
To make a long story short, I ended up sending her a present(a ring) about a month ago with a note attached apologizing for whatever it is that I did to push her away from me and telling her that I still loved her. I spent over $150.00 on the ring, not out of a Cracker Jack box but a far cry from Saks Fifth Avenue or Tiffany's. I figured I'd shoulder the blame and be a man in this situation. At worse, I could walk away with my head held high. She supposedly received it on March 6. Well, nearly a month later(on April 1 and 2), she sends two text messages thanking me and then one telling me her sister is getting married in June. I ignored all three messages and have not heard from her since. My theory is she is living with somebody else and didn't visit home until recently. Maybe she was on a trip, but I suspect the former reason. Am I rude for ignoring her text messages? We have been playing this game of texting back and forth and it has not solved anything. I got to the point in February that I was going to quit responding to them. I figure if she wants to talk and work things out, she'll call. In the meantime, I'm not calling her neither. If she's involved with somebody else and possibly in a new living situation, I'm going to respect her decision and leave her alone. She made her choice to leave and I'm trying to live my life as if she is not coming back. Yet she continues to send me pointless text messages from which I can't infer anything other than she is trying to unsettle the waters again. Should I continue to ignore her text messages unless she gives me any indication that she is serious about working things out? I stand by my decision but was curious to see what others thought of this situation. Thanks!
Jason
Hey justcurious55,
I'm open to talking to this girl, but I refuse to answer anymore of her text messages. It is pointless to text back and forth when a simple phone call will suffice. I get the impression that she is afraid to have an actual phone conversation with me because something is going on with herright now that will upset me if I find out and cause her to lose me for good. I will not call her because I am under the impression that she is with somebody else and therefore has no room for me in her life. When I sent the ring, I was trying to show her that I was sorry-I have no idea as to who is really at fault for this disconnect so I just sucked it up and apologized. I still love her-we've know each other for well over 10 years-even having a child together that later passed away at 11 months and that is not easily dismissed although she seems to find these years worthless. In this day and age of text messages, I-Phones, Blackberries, Bluetooth headsets and all this other high-tech trash, what is so hard about just calling me if she's going to thank me? The gift obviously means nothing to her-she can hock it for all I care. I told her how I felt and I apologized-the ball is squarely in her court. She either wants to come back or she doesn't. It seems like everytime I get several weeks behind me without hearing from her-alas, the red message light blinks on my phone out of nowhere. The messages thus far have given me no indication that she wants a reconciliation-I keep construing them as, "she's just trying to play games." Until that text message or phone call comes through that tells me 100% that what we had for the past 10 years meant something, I refuse to communicate with her.
Jason
ok. now i get it. does she realize that you don't like texts and find them impresonal? i don't think it's rude for you to stop replying to them. kinda sounds like it's just time for you to move on. you tried to making things work again when you sent her the ring. i think it was rude that 1)she took so long to thank you and 2) she did it through a text. there's not much else you can do.
Justcurious55,
You hit the nail on the head. I would be much less likely to complain about this if she just ignored my gift totally. I know that sounds retarded, but when I sent it, I knew that I was taking a gamble. Since she has texted me every now and then, I thought this would be a way to break the ice and get us talking again. The text messages are what gets me hot under the collar. Why can't she just call me? Why can't she sit down and write a letter? The text messages show me that she just does not care. If we were talking again and everything was fine, an occasional text like, "I'll meet you at 8:00" or "call me later" would be alright. To me, it seems like she is playing a game. I talked to her what seemed like eons ago, and she told me that she wanted to get on a cell phone plan that allows unlimited texting. I strongly suspect that she uses the text messages instead of a phone call because she can string me along and her new boyfriend would be none the wiser. Again, I'm not calling her, visiting her, or having any contact with her whatsoever until I get a clear indication that she wants me back in her life and wants to give things another shot. I'm respecting her privacy by leaving her alone. I wish she could respect me and either let me move on or give the relationship the chance it deserves. She is not letting me move forward when she sends these sporadic text messages which have done nothing to salvage our relationship.
The problem with today's society is that nobody seems to give a crap anymore. E-mails and text messages have replaced the traditional letter and phone call. People seem to accept these forms of communication as a way of life. She has shown me that she does not give a crap anymore either. Todays music is the same way-now it seems all anybody ever does in their songs is moan and drone-they seem to be afraid to put forth a sincere, heartfelt effort to sing or play a freaking instrument. Nobody wants to talk anymore-just text it or e-mail it. I'm not responding to anymore of her messages and letting it go. Jason
Hello,
Just wanted to add to my last message concerning my ex-girlfriend thanking me via text messages. Several days after I received the text messages(which I blew off as an April Fool's joke and an attempt to be cute in front of her friends), I received a strange phone call at 11:03 at night while I was at work. The area code was adjacent to the one I'm in. No message was left. I have a pretty active imagination and I began wondering if that was her new boyfriend calling to tell me off. Furthermore, I started wondering if she lives with this boyfriend(who could live out of town but within a short commute to my area). I have a feeling she met the new guy at work and they commute together. She told me awhile back that she changed her schedule to 2P.M.-11P.M. Then again, I get several calls per week from a collection agency looking for somebody I've never even heard of. I have gotten calls in the past from this area code-even several messages. One was from a social worker calling to arrange for a home visit between a mother and her two sons. Maybe I'm just over obsessing and going crazy. The above mentioned number has not called back. Nothing has been proven as factual-again it's "just my imagination running away with me" like the song by The Temptations. I keep asking myself, "Why would she text me nearly a month later thanking me for my present and then her boyfriend call several days later to tell me off?"
she is your ex. if you decide to spend your money on an ex, and she pawns it, sells it, sends it back, keeps it, or flushes it... its not rude.
she is your ex.
no obligations.
blame society. blame tech. blame all you want.
the fact is, when its broken, its broken.
you decided to spend coin on an ex. you thought maybe that would show your devotion. its getting you nowhere.
lesson learned.
look... ive been where you are. fought to get back that girl who, if she only knew how much i cared, should come back begging.
or not.
doesnt go that way most of the time.
heres what you do. leave her. go away. period. she knows where you live, right?
until shes knocking on your door at night, needing to talk to you, see you, smell you, touch you... shes not yours. even then, she might just need a comfort fix.
you are both playing head games. you are both wasting your time.
either you both are all in, or its all over.
complicate it all you want... it isnt that complicated.
I hope you told her flat out to call you if she wants to talk, and forget about the text message option. Sometimes you have to be blunt to get what you want. If you keep trying to figure out the motives or reasons other people do the things they do, you will go bonkers before long. Don't stew about what other people do, or don't do, just be clear with them what you want... so if you don't get it, there wont be any doubt that they knew. If you assume they should have known, that still doesn't tell you for sure that they did know.
Kp2171 and oneguyinohio,
I totally agree with both of your posts. I have left this girl alone since I sent the gift and intend to do so until I get a clear indication that she wants to work things out. So she has a new boyfriend(or maybe not-but I'm going to assume she does)-she made her choice and I'm not going to interfere. She definitely knows where I live, knows my work schedule, and knows my phone number-I'll know without the shadow of a doubt if she ever decides to come back. I have not made my wishes known to her, however, about ceasing the text messages and calling if she really wants to talk. She is pretty sensitive and if I tell her so, she may take it the wrong way. I'm thinking about telling her, though. Given the way she has been texting me here and there, I thought that by sending her a gift as gesture that I was sorry for not devoting more attention and time to her and telling her that I still loved her, it might give things the extra push to get us talking again-but it appears that it failed. But I gambled-I tried...in the end that is all you can take comfort in. Thanks for the replies and take care. Jason
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico (Yes thats in the United States)
Posts: 341
I agree with KP. It sucks, we all know that because the majority of us have been there done that. Delete her number from your phone, do not try to contact her again, and definately do not buy her anything. All that will do is make you think "hey maybe there is still a chance" when there isn't. The fact that she can't even CALL you to thank you, is just rude anyways. You said you "intend" to leave her alone until she wants to work things out, Don't do that! It's over, move on. If it doesn't work the first time, it probably wont work a second time and if it works a second time, it most definately wont work a third time. You did your "gamble" and you tried, and it did not work. So stop doing this to yourself and thinking there is still a chance, there isn't. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just trying to tell you how it is. Once you realize it's over and done with and that you shouldn't even try, then you will feel so much better.
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