Hello,
Me and my ex-girlfriend have had limited contact since September of last year. She has rarely called and communicates in the form of text messages(which reflects on my cell phone bill as a charge-as miniscule as it might be). I have been reticent to contact her as I think she is seeing somebody else-more than likely living in sin with her new boyfriend if they are not already married(she has married before behind my back and came reeling back after it failed within a month).
To make a long story short, I ended up sending her a present(a ring) about a month ago with a note attached apologizing for whatever it is that I did to push her away from me and telling her that I still loved her. I spent over $150.00 on the ring, not out of a Cracker Jack box but a far cry from Saks Fifth Avenue or Tiffany's. I figured I'd shoulder the blame and be a man in this situation. At worse, I could walk away with my head held high. She supposedly received it on March 6. Well, nearly a month later(on April 1 and 2), she sends two text messages thanking me and then one telling me her sister is getting married in June. I ignored all three messages and have not heard from her since. My theory is she is living with somebody else and didn't visit home until recently. Maybe she was on a trip, but I suspect the former reason. Am I rude for ignoring her text messages? We have been playing this game of texting back and forth and it has not solved anything. I got to the point in February that I was going to quit responding to them. I figure if she wants to talk and work things out, she'll call. In the meantime, I'm not calling her neither. If she's involved with somebody else and possibly in a new living situation, I'm going to respect her decision and leave her alone. She made her choice to leave and I'm trying to live my life as if she is not coming back. Yet she continues to send me pointless text messages from which I can't infer anything other than she is trying to unsettle the waters again. Should I continue to ignore her text messages unless she gives me any indication that she is serious about working things out? I stand by my decision but was curious to see what others thought of this situation. Thanks!
Jason

Jason8676

Hey,
Well Day 1 has passed since I texted her. I failed to mention several posts ago(where I said that she asked what was wrong with my dad) that not only did I tell her what was wrong-I point blank asked her in a seperate text, "Do you want to work things out and talk?" I feel like such an idiot now, that same empty feeling where my heart is has returned, like the time she told me she "liked" somebody else but wasn't happy. Well, its my own fault I rubbed my nose into this crap so I don't expect any sympathy. It's like trying a arm wrestle with a healing broken arm. The stress aggravates the healing fracture-the pain returns and you are set back to square one. If there is any silver lining to this lapse of stupidity, it is that the ball is squarely in her court now. I asked, she ignored it, so its adios to her. Jason

kp2171

so you felt like firing a shot across the bow. its done.

now stop it.

she knows you are interested. you are sending mixed messages now... ignoring PM's and then inviting her back in the mix.

you took a shot. you have an answer. even if she thought about it, you dont want that girl. you want the one who needs to be with you, not one who might consider it... youre way past the point of trying the relationship on just to see how it looks. now you need her to be in or be out. and unless shes kicking in your door and telling you she needs to be with you, she doesnt.

Jason8676

kp2171,
I feel so retarded right now for breaking NC in the first place. I felt way better when I was ignoring her than I do now. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I'm mainly pissed at myself-I feel like like a ninny. For all I know, that stupid message she sent the other night that started this whole thing could have been written while she was humping her new lover and having a good time. He could have even put her up to it and they both laughed like two hyenas. Now I see the beauty of NC, if I had stuck to it instead of responding to her, I wouldn't be feeling this way right now. I think I would have moved on way sooner had this girl not been in my life for so long. Ten years is a long time and its really hard to just finally say, "to hell with it'. If I had somebody else right now, I wouldn't bother her anymore like she has done me. Prior to this, I let her be. I never even darkened the door of where she works, I haven't called, I haven't texted, I haven't written, nor have I ever driven by her house. I dropped out of sight as if she never even met me. The only thing I did do was apologize and send her a gift in an attempt to get us talking again(as she was sending messages here and there but never calling to speak with me directly). If I was with somebody else and they continued to send text messages to their ex(no matter how pointless they may be), it would disturb me a little. I've tried to respect her space(with the exception of the gift) but she can't respect the fact that maybe I'm trying to heal if she never wants to try again. Well, I've officially said "to hell with it" and I'm not trying to mend fences anymore. It was just like trying to rearrange the deck chairs while the "Titanic" sank. Anyways, thanks for the reply and take care. JAson

Jason8676

Hey,
Just a couple of thoughts. Day 5 has passed since my last message to her and I still feel like an idiot although the sting subsides with each passing day. I still wonder if I did the right thing by finally opening up and letting her know my intentions. The LONG text message read as follows(and it actually counted as 4-"I still want to work things out and make it up to you. If you feel the same, call me or text me and we'll talk. If not, I'll leave you alone and wish you the best. Do not contact me (again)unless you want to work things out. PLEASE respect this as I respect you. My dad is very sick and has only a few months to live. The last thing I need right now is you hurting and leading me on. I still love you, don't ever forget that. Remember, I still want to work things out. The rest is up to you. Take care." She then proceeded to tell me she was sorry about my dad and then asked what was wrong with him. I told her and then asked her point blank if she wanted to work things out. I wish I never asked her that but I sort of thought it was time to cut the BS and get down to brass tax. She has been sending me messages here and there, as if she doesn't want me to move on. It's like somebody stabbing you in the back. When you try to move on and you least suspect it, they stab you again. Anyways, I'm looking down the road to August. Hopefully, I'll be over this crap. Jason

kp2171

well... unless shes a cold stone b&*%$ putting the stuff in there about your father confuses the message. not saying she shouldnt know, but you cant do that and then put in the ultimatum "dont call me unless you want to work it out"...

i did absolute NC with my ex, first huge love lost, but if shed called and said her father was dying id be right there... out of respect for him and much as her.

so... you muddled it up some. even if she comes back how do you not know it isnt sympathy moving her?

so... you all but asked her to stab you in the back by telling her about your father. im sorry about the situation, but you didnt give a clear message by adding in that info.

you are still trying to read too much into things.

i cant tell you any more than i have. maybe someone else can help you figure this out... but i think im out of suggestions.

Jason8676

kp2171,
I put the info in the message about my father because I thought it would serve one of two purposes:1)the stupid, pointless messages will stop coming if she knows that and if she has any shred of human feelings or conscience she will leave me alone and 2)if she decides to communicate with me, she'll at least show some respect. The info about my father is true-before I wrote the message, I thought, "If I were sending her pointless text messages, what could she tell me to make me think twice before sending another one?" I don't think she cares one way or the other about my dad. My dad doesn't think much of her either, she was partly to blame for our falling out 4 years ago-in fact, my whole family pretty much despises her for the way she has treated me. If I were sick and dying in the hospital, she could care less about me. I've come to the conclusion that she wouldn't even be at my visitation, let alone the funeral. The only thing she cares about is herself and what suits her for the moment. She acts on emotion and impulse, never rationally or logically. She'll only have something to do with somebody when she wants something. I've put up with this crap thus far because I thought there were some redeeming qualities beneath all of this, but it appears I am wrong. She's a far cry from what I fell in love with 10 years ago. Nevertheless, I don't expect her to come back even out of sympathy for me-I didn't even expect her to respond to begin with. It looked like we had the beginnings of a conversation going and I asked her if she wanted to work things out. Since then, it has been 5 days going on 6. Like I've said before, I'm at the point where I've said "to hell with it". I'll only respond to her if she, like you said, does a complete 180. Other than that, any communications I get from her from here on out is just noise. If I never hear anything again, the sky is not falling. If this is it for me and her, life goes on. Jason

shellyjo68

Ex or not I find it rude to send a girl who is involved with another man a ring trying to get her back. Respect the relationship she has. If you want to wait for her if things bomb with new guy that is your choice. As far as her texting you--she is just trying to keep you at arm's length in case new guy fails. Move on.

Jason8676

shellyjo68,
I do respect the relationship she has(if there is one). This has not been confirmed by her other than her telling me awhile back that she liked somebody but was not happy(with the guy or her present situation I took it). She has not left me alone and has sent me text messages here and there, although I couldn't make heads or tails of what her intentions were. I sent the gift thinking maybe it would show her that I was still interested and that I was sorry for not devoting more time and attention to her. Hopefully, she would see that and we would start talking again. If I was 100% sure that she was involved with somebody, I would not have sent it. If she was with somebody, she could have told me point blank about it. I'm not going to be devastated or shattered by the news-she'll just lose me. I think she's afraid to tell me because the news would make it easier for me to move on. I told her awhile back that if she ever got involved with somebody else again, she can expect to lose me-friendship and all. If I somehow offended her new boyfriend by sending the gift, that's not my problem. He shouldn't be mad at me, but rather her. She should have communicated with me more clearly instead of merely telling me that she "liked" somebody. Furthermore, she should have ceased with the BS text messages. When we have been broken up before, we stayed in strict NC. I let her be, and she let me be. Jason

Jason8676

Hey!
She texted me AGAIN today-same bullcrap. Either she does not have any respect for what I said and derives a cheap laugh from the whole thing or there is trouble in paradise. The message read, "Who let the jason bares out ruff ruff" After sending her that message telling her to not contact me again until she wants to work things out and mentioning what was going on with my dad, here she is again. Maybe she's dyslexic and failed to comprehend my last message-who knows? She evidently wants attention, but she's not getting it this time. It's sort of funny in a way-I thought I'd put an end to the stupid messages but yet she persists. It's like a mosquito buzzing around your face. You swat at it, you use insect repellant, but it continues to annoy the crap out of you. Jason

shellyjo68

I will tic some folks off here but here goes. You both enjoy the drama. She chases u via text and u don't know what she wants. U text her saying don't contact me unless u want me. She texts u and u don't know what she wants. So either call her, ask her what is up and make a date or keep up the texting. My guess is U don't care if it was rude or not to send the ring; u were just looking for someone to validate your actions. I would dare to guess that even if u two do get back together that in 6 m to a yr the same break up/I don't get her BS will be happening again. I don't think she is the problem, I think it is the maturity level of the both of you.