Hello,
Me and my ex-girlfriend have had limited contact since September of last year. She has rarely called and communicates in the form of text messages(which reflects on my cell phone bill as a charge-as miniscule as it might be). I have been reticent to contact her as I think she is seeing somebody else-more than likely living in sin with her new boyfriend if they are not already married(she has married before behind my back and came reeling back after it failed within a month).
To make a long story short, I ended up sending her a present(a ring) about a month ago with a note attached apologizing for whatever it is that I did to push her away from me and telling her that I still loved her. I spent over $150.00 on the ring, not out of a Cracker Jack box but a far cry from Saks Fifth Avenue or Tiffany's. I figured I'd shoulder the blame and be a man in this situation. At worse, I could walk away with my head held high. She supposedly received it on March 6. Well, nearly a month later(on April 1 and 2), she sends two text messages thanking me and then one telling me her sister is getting married in June. I ignored all three messages and have not heard from her since. My theory is she is living with somebody else and didn't visit home until recently. Maybe she was on a trip, but I suspect the former reason. Am I rude for ignoring her text messages? We have been playing this game of texting back and forth and it has not solved anything. I got to the point in February that I was going to quit responding to them. I figure if she wants to talk and work things out, she'll call. In the meantime, I'm not calling her neither. If she's involved with somebody else and possibly in a new living situation, I'm going to respect her decision and leave her alone. She made her choice to leave and I'm trying to live my life as if she is not coming back. Yet she continues to send me pointless text messages from which I can't infer anything other than she is trying to unsettle the waters again. Should I continue to ignore her text messages unless she gives me any indication that she is serious about working things out? I stand by my decision but was curious to see what others thought of this situation. Thanks!
Jason

kp2171

do your best to let this go. your mother would have wanted to you be happy, more than anything... and you are taking those steps. sure... you can look back and find spaces where you could have done things differently. we all have them.

my grandfather was my father figure growing up. he was the person who taught me what it was like to feel absolutely loved with no bounds. the last time i saw him, he was sick in the hospital. id driven hours to see him from college, but stayed just a fraction of the time i should have. seeing him in that state took a toll on me and i just couldnt suck it up. three days later he passed, and i could not be there to comfort him. as the years have gone by, ive always said if i could change just one thing in my past, i would have not left his side.

but thats the past and you cant change it. youll kick yourself a long time for things like spending time or money on that girl when you could have spent your time and money on your mother or elsewhere... but it doesnt do much good other than to hopefully keep you grounded now, on what you can control.

my wifes father, a few weeks before he passed, leaving town after his best friend just died, said "we are too short lived and too long gone to live our lives frustrated and angry"

this from the alpha male italian hothead, being said to the young irish-serb hothead who sometimes punches first and buys drinks later.

so... use your anger at her to work through the noise. use your frustration with yourself to focus you on what you did right, and what you wont put up with. as for the rest... well, you just cant let the past keep you from living in the present.

again, glad you are stepping through this. some days you will feel powerful, and some days youll feel like youve been hit in the gut.

Jason8676

kp2171,
Thanks for the response...I found it comforting that I'm not the only one who has some regrets about the past. True...I am extremely angry at this girl(or thing). But I'm going to use it to get over her. Everytime I start thinking of her, I'll think of one of the numerous instances where she has treated me like crap. I cannot put her on a pedestal any longer-her kind only continue to propagate bad relationships. I may have been boring to her as I could not take her out as often as she wished and could not call her as often, but at least I was faithful to her. This is more than I can say for the new guy in her life. It seems she always makes bad choices where love is concerned, so I have a feeling she'll get a taste of her own medicine sooner or later with no help from me. Again, thanks for the reply and take care...Jason

Jason8676

Hey,
Just thought I'd give an update. Last night, while I was at work, that idiot(my ex) sent me a text message reading(in the manner in which it was composed)-"Who let duh bears out?" That retard was obviously referencing the now infamous song from 2000 by the Baja Men called "Who let the dogs out?" As for the "bears" reference, she was referring to her pet name that she called me during that mockery of a relationship. I was tempted to change my number as I am sick and tired of her stupid crap but decided not to. It pissed me off so bad that I lost my appetite for the rest of the day-and I'm usually starved when I get home. Here I try to move on and it seems like just when I do, she finds a way to twist the knife with a text message. I remember dating another girl over 10 years ago. When we broke up, at least she had the decency to go her way and let me go mine. She even gave my presents back. The breakup hurt like crazy back then, since it was my first serious relationship, but I have way more respect for her than I do my recent ex(a.k.a The Text Tormentor). Even when she ran off and got married behind my back over 7 years ago, she left me alone. WHAT IS HER PROBLEM??? I swear I am so pissed right now that if she were to walk in the room right now, I'd scream at her until her ears bled profusely! Is there no end to her idiotic hijinx with these stupid text messages???!!!Help!!!

kp2171

well... if you are still in the "getting over her" mode, and i think you are, you can

1) ignore it and not respond or
2) change your number

sure... shes going to probably ruin a few more nights with more text... ok. honestly... it wasnt that long ago that you were sending presents.

and you know she texts... you said that was her MO.

so... you just gotta roll with it for a time. if it completely tears you up, then change the number. my wife had to do that twice to get an ex off her back. pain in the arse, but its what she had to do to stay sane.

so... shes still under your skin and its irritating you like mad. you are miserable. mortal. normal.

you arent her buddy, and that text sounded like her looking for a buddy. shes reaching out, but for the wrong reasons. its again about leaning on you while she moves on. forget it.

ignore her one way or the other. if she has anything of any meaning to say she knows where you live. outside of that, just let the noise be more fuel for the fire.

Jason8676

kp2171,
Part of me wants to respond to her text in a humorous, nonchalant way(like fighting fire with fire so to speak), and part of me wants to ignore it. I came so close to responding but I caught myself. I figured if I joked back with her, it would show her that I have moved on and could care less one way or the other. Deep down I wish we could work things out-I'm not going to deny that. That is why I get so AGGRAVATED with her texts. I see the red message light blinking, I get sort of excited thinking the message will be positive and things between me and her might be about to turn a corner, but the message turns out to be crap. If she has another boyfriend, why must she continue to send me this pointless garbage? If I was dating somebody else right now, I would feel so elated that I could care less about my ex. I wouldn't send her stupid messages for a cheap laugh. She must derive some sick pleasure from doing this to me. She's hurt me plenty of times but never adding insult to injury like this. It would be hard to change my number because my friends and family are used to it now and its not worth it over her. I would just be giving her the satisfaction of knowing she is grating on my nerves. Well, I'll get over it but I am so PISSED right now. I think I might get a punching bag and pretend its her, maybe that'll relieve me of some tension. Thanks for the reply...take it easy. Jason

Jason8676

Hey,
Well, hopefully I've finally put an end to the text message issue. I sent her a LONG message today telling her how I honestly felt and not to contact me anymore unless she wants to discuss a reconciliation. I told her to respect my wishes as I am respecting her by leaving her alone and not interfering in her life. I told her that if she did not feel the same, I'm leaving her alone for good and wishing her the best. I think I might have blown it when I mentioned my dad and how he is sick and dying of heart failure-I told her being led on and hurt by her is the last worry I need right now. She responded shortly after receiving my message and said she was very sorry to hear about him and asked what was wrong with him. I told her and left it at that. For all I know she might see this as a sign of desperation but that is truly what is going on right now. I had a terrible falling out with my dad about 4 years ago and we sort of made up after my daughters funeral when he attended. It was ashamed he never got to see her when she was alive and hold her. Right now I am trying to put things right with him and it is very hard. Now we'll see-although I have a feeling my ex will send me a message saying that she is involved with somebody else, etc. I'm at a point now where I've accepted that. Its the text messages here and there that have been giving me false hope and now I've had my say. From here on out, it is NC for good. All that frustration I had bottled up inside finally came out in that message and hopefully she'll get it. If not-oh well. Jason

confusionmax

hey Jason. its a good thing u let out ur feelings and told her how u felt. if she honestly respects u, then she'll respect what u said and will stop texting. if she doesnt, be very very careful because either she doesnt know what she wants and is totally confused, or keeping u as a backup in case her flings fail, or is involved with someone else. either way, ur at a loss. u deserve someone a lot better, and im sure ull find her. good luck.

Jason8676

confusionmax,
Thanks for the reply! I have a feeling the messages will continue with no heed to what I asked her-she's like that. In the ten years that I've known her, we have been on and off. In the off times, she'll just stop talking to me. Now that text messages are the rage, she has a new way of making sure I don't disappear on her. She'll just send something pointless. Either that, or she just delights in ticking me off and rubbing salt in the wound. It seems to me like she doesn't want to fully let me go and just uses me to break her fall when her other flings backfire. I won't be responding to her anymore unless she wants to discuss a reconciliation. If she is involved with someone else at this point, I don't see why she must continue to text pointless crap to me unless it is out of spite, and if so, that is a new side to her that I've never seen before. She usually just leaves me alone when she is happy with somebody else. Again, thank you for the reply and take it easy. Jason

kp2171

until she begs you to take her back... all the rest is noise.

period.

and im not saying you should take her back if she begs... im saying that anything less than her doing a complete 180 is just talk and noise. until shes ready to chase you down, shes just not that interested in anything other than her own comfort.

Jason8676

kp2171,
I totally agree with your post. When I sent her that message yesterday, it was gut wrenching because I felt as if I was weak and giving in after nearly 2 months of NC. I sort of thought that I was being too stubborn and it was time to make my intentions known. Now I can cut all contact for good and stop obsessing over whether or not I tried hard enough. She told me once that she read a book entitled, "He's Just Not That Into You"-the name of the author escapes me. She always complained that I didn't call her enough or show her more interest-sometimes I feel that is what lead to the demise of the relationship. But it seems to me that she would have made an effort on her part if things were worth saving well before it got to this point. She knows I work alot to support myself and that surely I must be exhausted. Well, things are definitely going to have turn around no less than a 180 before I ever consider getting with her again. I've forgiven her for alot-I'm sure if I just left her for somebody else it would take forever for her to forgive me. Thanks for the reply and take it easy for now...Jason