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Hello,
Me and my ex-girlfriend have had limited contact since September of last year. She has rarely called and communicates in the form of text messages(which reflects on my cell phone bill as a charge-as miniscule as it might be). I have been reticent to contact her as I think she is seeing somebody else-more than likely living in sin with her new boyfriend if they are not already married(she has married before behind my back and came reeling back after it failed within a month).
To make a long story short, I ended up sending her a present(a ring) about a month ago with a note attached apologizing for whatever it is that I did to push her away from me and telling her that I still loved her. I spent over $150.00 on the ring, not out of a Cracker Jack box but a far cry from Saks Fifth Avenue or Tiffany's. I figured I'd shoulder the blame and be a man in this situation. At worse, I could walk away with my head held high. She supposedly received it on March 6. Well, nearly a month later(on April 1 and 2), she sends two text messages thanking me and then one telling me her sister is getting married in June. I ignored all three messages and have not heard from her since. My theory is she is living with somebody else and didn't visit home until recently. Maybe she was on a trip, but I suspect the former reason. Am I rude for ignoring her text messages? We have been playing this game of texting back and forth and it has not solved anything. I got to the point in February that I was going to quit responding to them. I figure if she wants to talk and work things out, she'll call. In the meantime, I'm not calling her neither. If she's involved with somebody else and possibly in a new living situation, I'm going to respect her decision and leave her alone. She made her choice to leave and I'm trying to live my life as if she is not coming back. Yet she continues to send me pointless text messages from which I can't infer anything other than she is trying to unsettle the waters again. Should I continue to ignore her text messages unless she gives me any indication that she is serious about working things out? I stand by my decision but was curious to see what others thought of this situation. Thanks!
Jason
Becca1025,
I agree with your last post. I am never going to contact her again-you can bet on that. Mother's Day is coming up, with her birthday to follow in June. She is getting nothing else from me-period. Not a card, not a phone call-anything.In the past, I treated her to dinner and/or a present on Mother's Day since we did have a daughter together(who passed away at 11 months). I'm sure our daughter is looking on right now, thinking what a shame it is that her mom and dad could never make it work-maybe that's why she passed on so soon. I believe that even an infant can innately sense when there is tension between its parents. I ended up taking care of her for the short time she was alive because her mother had some psychological problems following the birth and was heavily medicated. The present sort of gave myself some closure-maybe if she ever thinks of me now and then she'll remember that I did try and I also left her alone when things didn't go as I had wished. I can walk away knowing that I tried to put things right and I told her how I felt. We have been broken up before and she always comes running back when her new lover turns out to be a flop. Regardless, I may sound a little cocky-but whoever this girl is seeing now has no idea about what he's in for should they have any children. She couldn't be a fit mother the first time and the child almost went into foster care because of her crap. I knew her for over 10 years and thought I understood what made her tick. The next guy may not be as patient with her. When and if she ever comes back, there will be no sympathy from me. The last time she did this, I just laughed in her face when she told me she slept with somebody else. She has put me through so much hell that I am not fazed anymore. I can accept the fact that it is over and I'm now on day 41 of not talking to her. It gets easier and easier as time goes on. Thank you for your insight and take care. Jason
I think a month-later text reply to the type of gift you described from someone who is recieving a profession of your love is beyond rude. It's bizarre. The ony reason for it is that she's playing games, either because she's enjoys the sport of it, is with someone else, or unintentionally because she's not clear in her own feelings.
I suggest you pick up the phone, as her to meet you for a date, and talk things through. Then be direct but kind. If she hedges around your questions or doubletalks, or is not "available" to meet you, you need to be done with her permanently...she's not the one.
Hey Dontknownuthin and justcurious55,
Thank you for your replies. I partially agree with you, Dontknownuthin. I am sure she is with somebody else and she might be confused about her feelings for me as this other person is in the picture. She didn't "point-blank" tell me things were over and I didn't break things off either. She just complained about me hardly calling her and not feeling like doing the things she wanted(like go to the mall and shop, etc). Then one day in September of last year she just decided to run for greener pastures. I am extremely exhausted during the day since I work long hours at night(anywhere from 50-60 per week). I have bills to pay, rent, and I am independent. She's 25, lives with(or did live with her parents-if she lives with her new stud-oh well. I hope he's as responsible as me or she's in for a world of hurt). She doesn't understand what it is like to be on your own and she could barely manage her money without her mom's help. She was pretty much broke all the time, yet she expected me to jump at her every whim when she wanted to go out. I'm extremely proud and stubborn and it took alot for me to lose it and send her an apology and present. I could see where she might have felt some neglect on my part. I have no regrets about the gift. I told her how I felt, and I ended the note with, "...and if you never return, I'll understand." It has been about 21 days since her last text message. While setting up a date might be with good intent, the reality is that she is with somebody else and has no place for me in her life-I'm basically a piece of crap to her. I'm starting to feel better about myself and getting a clearer perspective on things. Contacting her would just set me back in much the same way a nuclear war could send us back to the Stone Age. She made her choice to move on and nothing I do or say is going to bring her back. It's in God's hands now. I'm never going to contact her again and the friendship and relationship that was between us is obliterated as though it never existed. There are plenty of girls out there who can appreciate what I have to offer, so I am moving on. Again, thanks for the replies and take care. Jason
Sounds to me like she is not interested. I agree if she were then she would have taken the time to call you and thank you for the ring, said what's up and at the very very least said can we get together for lunch sometime?
I think she is trying to avoid you and wants to give you that impression by texting instead of calling because she doesn't want to encourage you or get your hopes up that there may be more. She probably even mentioned her sisters wedding so that you would get the clue that since she didn't say want to go with me that you would see she can bring something two months from now up but can't even suggest getting together.
I agree with Ohioguy you need to be blunt and tell her that you want to talk or not but NO texts
What does it matter what her reasons are? It won't change anything.
NOhelp4u,
Thank you for your post. I am under the impression that she is not interested as well. The last time I actually talked to her, she told me that she "liked" somebody else. I replied with"Well, I guess there's no sense in me hanging around is there?" She proceeded to tell me, "No, don't say that. I'm not happy right now." I'm sure she has already slept with him and done every other vile thing known to mankind but I'm not losing sleep over it. I was in her life for 10 years but now I'm gone. She'll never see or hear from me again. Granted, we have several "falling out" instances in the past where we did not speak for long periods of time and then she'll come back(when the relationship with the new stud isn't what it's cracked up to be). This one is different because there are text messages from her every now and then. Regardless, I'm moving on knowing I tried to show her my love. She rejected me so there is nothing else I can do-its all about choice and free will. Again, thanks for the reply and take care. JAson
The last time I actually talked to her, she told me that she "liked" somebody else. I replied with"Well, I guess there's no sense in me hanging around is there?" She proceeded to tell me, "No, don't say that. I'm not happy right now."
so... she wants you to stay around because shes not happy?... wow. so shed like you to be the shoulder she leans on to get over you. how twisted and wacked is that?
kp2171,
You bet I've had enough. What's more, she proceeded to ask me why her relationships never work out. It's the same ol' song and dance with her. She left me for almost 3 weeks 2 years ago-came back crying, saying she slept with the guy but was not happy and wanted me back. She left me almost 4 years ago, whoring around behind my back with some other guy about a month before our daughter was born. I did not find out until after the birth from one of her friends and I dumped her shortly after she left the hosptal(which our daughter was born premature and still fighting for her life in the neonate ICU). She came back after the guy cheated on her. She left me back in 2003, came back when the new boyfriend smothered her incessantly-clingy, obsessive, etc. I bet the guy she's with must be something-well hung, nice car, nice body, loaded, and patient enough to put up with her faults(I say this with some sarcasm)-this crap has been going on since September of last year. It looked as though we were about to reconcile around Christmas, but too many things about her behavior set off some alarms and I told her to get out of my life until she decides what she wants. That pushed her further away, which caused me to second guess myself thinking, "Maybe I was too mean to her." That is why I sent the gift-if we never talk again, she'll at least know that I was sorry and how I felt. She has a history of keeping me around-never officially breaking up-while she sows her wild oats. Like I said, I'll never see her or talk to her again. I'm dead to her or maybe she's dead to me. If she thinks I'm just going to contact her down the line or show up unexpectedly, she's dead wrong. Everything that existed between me and her is dead, except maybe I feel more and more animosity and hate towards her for what she's put me through. Thanks for your reply...take care. Jason
You were not too mean to her. She needs to be bluntly talked to. She is only thinking about what she wants a the moment and not considering or caring about any long term effects. She needs to grow up and realize that life and people's feelings are not to be treated like today I want vanilla ice cream and tomorrow I want rocky road ice cream and next week I go back to vanilla ice cream.
N0help4u,
She has ALOT of growing up to do-and she's 25. That was why I have not married her by now. She SUPPOSEDLY has my engagement ring and I don't plan on asking for it back. I'm just writing the whole thing off and moving on. Whatever she did with it is her business. The way I am starting to feel now is that she can just stick it where the sun don't shine. I bought that ring when my mom was dying with cancer back in 2000. I still feel cold and selfish to this day as that money could have been spent to make my mom's last days more pleasant-like a trip to a place she always dreamed of or whatever she wished. I was too busy trying to impress this poor excuse for a woman. If we married, it would've ended in divorce anyways because I told her the first time she cheats, her bags are going to packed and out on the curb. I will not be married to somebody like that. She has some psychological problems(depresson, schizo-affective, and some bi-polar) for which she is taking medications. Still, there is no excuse for this crap. She's only screwing herself by bouncing from one relationship to the next and making herself vulnerable. I have never cheated on her, hit her(I wouldn't dare hit a woman-no matter how mad they may make me), I and I've forgiven her time and again but this is it. Thanks for the reply and take it easy... Jason
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