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I have always been somewhat of a night owl, and especially so now that I have a young baby to care for. Most nights I am up until 2 am and sometimes later. However, I don't like getting phone calls after a certain time, say, 10 pm or so. Tonight a friend of mine called after 11, just to talk about nothing, and I was annoyed. I have told this friend in the past that I don't like calls after 10 pm. She says that's weird because I stay up until 2 am. Is it weird? She made me feel kind of bad, like I'm an unfriendly person or something. But the thing is, I just don't like having late calls. Usually I am relaxing, having "alone time", or visiting with my husband (I don't see him at all during the day, as he's at the hospital for 12 hours typically). Plus the kids are in bed so it's my time to veg. As much as I like my friends I don't want to hear from them that late unless it's important. Any thoughts?
This does not save me any money, but I don't answer my phone or my doorbell after 8 PM. All my friends and family know this, so they know what window to come to when they need to come by, and know what to say on my answering machine so that I'll call them back.
I also have a sign near my doorbell (in two languages) that they are wasting their time.
I also have a mobile phone and only my immediate family and very special people have access to me when it's on - this is after 8 PM..
I have a weird 6th sense, when the phone rings, I know if it's someone I want to talk to or not, so even during the day, I don't answer if I don't feel like it.
When at home, I like my privacy - and you certainly have a right to yours, especially after a certain time.
Your home is your castle, defend it all you want, dear!
Thanks so much for all the answers! I want to you all comments, but I have given out too much reputation in the last 24 hours.... again! LOL. I am really glad though that everyone seems to be unanimous on this point... because I really hate getting the calls. I'm also glad to know that most of you are also "weird" like me!
Regarding unplugging the phone, I can't do that, as the hospital may phone my husband at any time, even when he's not on call. So we need to keep the line on. However we have considered getting a special phone or line just for the hospital. The other thing is, I used to unplug the phone, and this friend who I mentioned would then COME OVER and ring the doorbell or knock at the back door and scare me half to death!!! (not to mention waking people up) She lives very close to us, just a few doors down actually. I very much like the idea of a note by the doorbell, Chery. I have been tempted to buy a large "Do Not Disturb" sign too. Actually I think my friend is a little low on the social etiquette scale....
Sometimes Chava, the most loving thing we can do is risk pissing someone off teaching them what I call "care & feeding" instructions about ourselves. This is almost a rite of passage. It may seem like its treating them in a childish manner but sometimes it's what it takes to make it work. If they comply, good. If they don't, then its probably time to part ways so they can fall in with friends who will tolerate that. I have lost more than a few "friends" that way but it seems it made room for more compatible ones in the long run.
I'm in with Chery about this one: To a large degree, we get what we are willing to tolerate....even from other adults. Loving language about it might be like this: "This ________(fill in what they are doing) won't work for me, and so I need you to _______(fill in what would). Is that possible?" If it is, hold them to it, saying that you will be holdig them to it if you think it needs reinforcement. If not, then consider saying "Well then, I think I need to pass on this friendship since this is really important to me." and then wish them well as you say goodbye. Real friend negotiate and are interested in you getting what you need too. Hostage takers aren't.
Those are great points, Val, thanks! I think the biggest issue for me is, 2 years ago I didn't have all the responsibilities I have now (there were no children in the house, for example), and so since there was just me to consider and no one else, I tolerated a lot from friends when I really should have been sticking up for myself. However now my life has changed dramatically and I simply do not have the flexibility I used to have, yet I still have these "friends" bothering me. I agree I need to make decisions about whether these friends are worth keeping or not, especially if they don't respect my boundaries.
I think it is rude for your friend to be calling your house on phone and in person at all times of day and night ! I agree as posted above that you may need to just be a little straight and say " hey please don't call or come around after etc hours ". A good friend should not take offence to this, It may also be a good idear as you said Orange to get a second line just for your husband and the hospital etc.
Why don't you just say, I don't find it at all wierd or strange that I don't like to answer the phone after 9. End of subject, you can let the machine answer it and you can still be friends. You really owe her no explanation nor do you need to justify your reasoning, if you do not want to.
Just a thought.
I personally just turn my phones off between 8 and 9 pm, voice mail will tell me the next morning if something was happening, and I will be rested and better to deal with any level of emergancy.
I don't know if there is a right or wrong time to call someone you are friends with, unless it has been said between the two of you. In your case it has and I think it's inconsiderate of her to continue to go against your wishes. In this case, it's a phone call, but it could be anything else and the same should apply. Respect a person's wishes.
I call my aunt (and good friend) until 1am, but I know she's up AND I know she doesn't mind. I don't think the request matters as much as respecting it.
I am sure if your friend was having an emergency or really needed to talk to you that would be different.
well what do you expect, if you stay up so late, someone that knows you that might be up also and just want to see whats up. if its that big of an issue just turn your ringer off. you know people its really all that simple turn off the ringer, not everyone knows what your doing, and as far as all this stuff about no calls before 8 am or after 9 pm. this isnt the 1950s.
Kriskstar its got nothing doing to do with it being 1950's dear, its all to do with respect!
Respecting each other.
Especially with kids asleep.
I totally disagree with you kriskstar!! This is not the 1950s, but this woman has children including a new baby. This is all about respect!!! All of us want some quiet time.
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