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etiquette for figuring wedding gift of a dollar amount.
I am having a difficult time arriving at the proper amount to give as a wedding gift for
a friend of my son's wedding. This is NOT a relative. It's a very large wedding and
my son is standing up for the groom. They have received almost all of the stuff from their registry so I spoke with the brides mother and suggested a gift of a check for my
gift to them for the wedding and she thought would be appreicated, but now I am having
trouble deciding what amount would be appropriate to give. I am a single parent and I
don't make the $$$ that other guests do. Help me figure out what would be proper I don't
want to seem cheap or be embarassed. HELP!?!?!
As you say, they are probably doing quite well if they got almost everything from her registry. I cheque for $200. would go a long way, or give them a gift certificate.
200??? I'll admit that I haven't been to a wedding in a long time (thankfully, apparently), but I wouldn't be giving that much to someone in my family, much less a friend of a son's.
Personally, I would go and see if I could find something nice that I thought that the couple could use and I could afford, buy it, and wrap it up for them. The nice thing about gifts is that they do not come with little price tags on them, like money does. Shop the sales, discount stores, etc., and you can get some nice stuff without anyone realizing that you didn't pay full cost for it.
At my wedding a single neighbor of my parents, who I grew up around and knew very well, gave me a vase with a check inside of it. I would suggest you go somewhere like TJ Maxx and buy an inexpensive but pretty glass vase, photo frame or other "bridal gift" type item that's quite inexpensive, and enclose a check with it for $25, or a gift card for a local restaurant they would enjoy or something of that kind. If you want to entirely avoid the whole money issue, just buy them a nicer crystal gift at TJ Maxx - you can get something beautiful for very little money there. Your son, as a member of the bridal party, should be more generous. If he brings a date, and is able to do so, a budget of $100 for the two of them to give as a gift or cash would be appropriate. You do not have a greater responsibility however because your son is in the wedding party.
I would have said $100 or less, basically im from Montreal and we have a large Italian population and cash is a very common gift at Italian weddings. In any case what's proper is to give a gift of about double the cost of the dinner that's served, so if its a formal sit down dinner that might cost 50 a person, a gift is 100 (per person invited) is good.
Then again who knows what they would consider proper if they make alot of money.
Her main question was how can she give while being reasonable with her bank account. you may not understand this being from canada and all but in the US certain parts of the country have different standards of living, which means the pay rate and price of things can dramitically be different. Receiving anything from a guest is a nice and polite guesture. If they do not appreciate what they get, they are just ungrateful. It is not the guest fault that the brides parents had to pay for that much crap, or for the fact they are getting married. Getting invited to a wedding is to show that they appreciate you enough to join in the celebration of two people coming together. Tickle you should get out of that rock you have been hiding under and realize not everything is about money $$$$$.
Etiquette (and common sense!) decree that a gift should be something decided upon by the GIVER, not the RECEIVER.
How much you spend on a wedding is your ridiculous business. You can get married for the cost of a wedding license and a JP--Under $100, in most cases. If you want to spend more, that's your business...but don't expect your GUESTS to fund it. Guests are there to share in your joy. To even EXPECT a gift is tacky!
To the OP--spend what you like. You can get some great gifts for very little money at a store like TJ Maxx or Burlington Coat Factory--or you can put some time into a gift, like one of those write-it-in-yourself cookbooks, filled with recipes that you found to be great to have onhand.
My personal gift at a wedding of anyone outside of our immediate family is a "First Christmas Together" ornament, along with a check for $25 or so. While some couples come into a relationship with ornaments, getting something that they'll have to remember both their wedding, and their first Christmas as a married couple is thoughtful and sweet, and not outrageously expensive.
you people are way out of wack for this type of expenditure.
I wouldnt give over 200 if its not a family member and they specifically ask for cash. It's their business how much the wedding cost them and how many people they invited. It's a bit unreasonable to expect to get 25,000$ worth of gifts to be given if they spent 25,000 on the wedding, guests arent supposed to be expected to pay for the wedding!
Another way is to think of what you would have bought as a standard gift and give the same ammount in cash it would have cost.
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