What are your beliefs on who raises your children?
-who has primary care over the children
-who's morals are our children growing up with
-why are material things more important than raising children
I feel like I am fighting a battle all of the time. My instincts and desires want to stay at home with our kids but at the same time I feel as though I should be doing something to earn money (isn't that what's important). It feels like it's a race to see who can get the most stuff the fastest. I stay at home with our 5 children and I feel like some women look at me and think that I'm not doing the women's lib. movement any justice. Why should staying at home be such a hard decision and why do I feel like we don't get any respect?
Some people have told my husband that we are lucky that we can afford to stay at home with our children, but let me tell you, it is a sacrifice. One that I'm sure (well I hope) will be worth it in the end. He works very hard and is gone a lot so I can be here with the kids. We have everything we need but we don't have a lot of extras. A cash system allows us to have more than if we were to put everything on credit (you save the interest).
One last note about the people that I notice are working, with their kids in daycare. I find a lot of them feel guilty and spoil their kids because of it. Some daycare providers have greater control than parents.
Sorry to go on about this, I just wanted other peoples opinions on family ethics. I do understand that some people are single or for some other reason might have no other choice but to put their kids in childcare.
-who has primary care over the children
My wife and I. We both work so we found a private daycare for our 2 kids - a lady who cam recommended by friends, she only takes a max of 5 children
-who's morals are our children growing up with
Combination of mine and my wife's. since we are both on the same page it makes it kinda easy.
-why are material things more important than raising children
Who the heck believes that???? No way. We live modestly and use our money to do things and go places.
* primary care?
My husband and I have primary care of our children. Our oldest daughter is 12 and is in Junior High School. Our youngest is 4 and goes to a preschool in which their cirriculum is accredited by our state.
My mother-in-law is a 4th grade teacher and can tell which children stay at home and which children go to daycare or preschool. She states that the children at daycare/preschool tend to have better social skills and do not have such a hard time in school.
Now, I am not disagreeing with people who stay at home with their children, I am strictly speaking via my mother-in-law who is a teacher. Goodness knows I would love to stay at home with mine, but he LOVES preschool and craves the social interaction he gets there.
* morals?
I have to agree with NeedKarma on this one too.
* material things?
I am again on the same page with NeedKarma. Love and respect are more important than material things.
Thanks for the input Needkarma and J9. I guess the material things bother me because I live in a neighborhood where those things seem to be more important. Everyone is working for the boat, the cabin, the designer clothes, etc. It gets a little frustrating. Maybe because we can't afford all of that but we choose to live as you say "modestly". I partially blame credit card companies. I think too many of us get into trouble with the have now pay later idea, then our families suffer because everyone's working themselves to death.
I agree with the preschool/daycare children being a little further ahead. One of my sons is in preschool and I notice a big difference. I'm not saying it's wrong I just don't think that parents are spending enough time with their kids.
Anyone know what it's like not in the Western World?
Oh, yeah, the old "Keeping up the the Jones'" way of life. We have that around here too. Eventually when I get out of school I will be able to kee up with them, but for now I am happy with what I have. It has also taught my 12 year old lessons beyond her years. She saves and then spends her allowance on things she needs rather than things she wants.
And no, some parents do not spend time with their children. Some put them in to daycare for other reasons.
Although I am on summer break from school, my youngest still goes to daycare because he THRIVES on the struture it provides, as well as the fun summer camp stuff they do. But I spend every other waking minute with him.
I too am interested in the opinions from others "not in the Western World."
Some people have told my husband that we are lucky that we can afford to stay at home with our children...
You are lucky. There are so many parents that simply cannot afford to stay at home - myself included.
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Originally Posted by aqua@home
why are material things more important than raising children
I don't think it's the pursuit of material things, it's more a matter of providing a basic level of living. Even basic expenses add up quickly, and if you are not fortunate enough to make a good salary in the market, it can be very tough.
If you saw a parent that didn't work, would your first impression be to call them a lazy bum that can't provide for their family, or would you look at them with admiration for being a stay at home parent that spends time with their kids?
I think most people balance their work and home lives, but fact is that most people have no choice but to work in order to provide food, clothing, and shelter for their family.
The reason my husband hates that saying is that he says luck has nothing to do with it. He works hard at a job that takes him away a lot, that he doesn't like so I can be at home with the kids (at least until the youngest one is in school).
If I saw a parent that didn't work would I think they are a bum? That depends on the situation. This is what I believe:
1. a child's physical needs have to be met (shelter, food, clothes). That is the items needed to sustain life. If that means you have to work 3 jobs to give your child(ren) their physical needs then that's what you do.
2. emotion needs have to be met (love, support, nurture, etc). Unfortunately this one comes after number 1. I think it is just as important but not always possible.
If both parents have to work then they have to work. I'm saying that for the most part this is a choice people are making. I think they are choosing to keep up with the Joneses. Tell me really, what child needs a video game, tv, telephone, etc in their rooms. Why can't kids go outside? What happened to kids doing chores or service? I don't think kids need to be paid for everything either. We all have our roles in a family, we all have to add to it. I just want to raise my children to contribute to society instead of take from it. Maybe my neighbors are just stuck up rich people.
If you are a single parent then you really don't have a choice. I don't know what it's like anywhere else but in Saskatchewan the welfare system would allow a single parent to stay at home until their youngest was in school.
This is why I would like to know what other cultures do too. Maybe something works better and we just don't know it. Maybe they have a better balancing act.
Interesting question, aqua. I am also a stay at home mom, although my reasons and circumstances are a little different than most I think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua@home
I feel like some women look at me and think that I'm not doing the women's lib. movement any justice. Why should staying at home be such a hard decision and why do I feel like we don't get any respect?
I consider myself a feminist. My idea of feminism though is that women get to CHOOSE what they want. So staying home with your kids should be a respected choice, as long as it is affordable / feasible. I get annoyed with people who think staying home is not as important... it's a kind of reverse discrimination, not to mention nobody's business what you do in your own family!!
I am always going to be a stay at home mom of sorts; not just because we can afford it, but the nature of my profession as a studio artist means that I do a lot of my work from home. Prior to my getting pregnant, I rented a studio space downtown, but now that we have purchased a larger home, I am in the process of setting up a studio right here. Obviously in order to work properly I will need time away from the kids, but I like the idea of being available to them if they need anything, or if a teacher should call from school, etc. I want to be their primary caregiver.
However, as others have said, I do think the socialization of preschool is very beneficial to kids. My 4 and 6 year old are going to our Montessorri school in the fall, and the 4 year old will be going for full days. I also want to place my newborn son in the same school full time once he turns 3.
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why are material things more important than raising children
I totally understand what you mean here. We have money, and because we have money there is a lot of pressure to spend it on the kids. I was criticized by one friend for not allowing my children to have computers and TVs in their rooms. I have just one "communal" TV and game area that everyone has to share. We can afford more, but I would rather see my kids reading, playing outside, using their imagination, etc, than being couch potatoes. And I spend money for the kids in other areas - paying for music lessons, sports, private school, trips, college fund, etc - I think that is so much more important than all these electronic gadgets and video games. Plus I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that just because we have money they are entitled to have everything handed to them. I have too many spoiled friends like that!
Regarding other cultures, I can't speak for countries other than Canada of course, but for recent immigrants living here.... one of my good friends is Sikh, and her parents take care of her children while she and her husband work. Another friend was born in Vietnam and came to Canada as a toddler. Both her parents also worked full time hours while her grandparents looked after her and her brother. She actually doesn't even know her parents very well, because they worked so hard in order to make a better life for the kids. That seems to be a real trend among immigrants here, at least the ones I know. Extended family sticks together and shares the burden of raising kids, thus freeing the younger adults to work hard and make more money to support the family. I think one of the differences in western society is that we don't place as much value on extended family, especially grandparents, and don't want our parents raising our kids. We don't want to burden them, or we think we can do better!
Anyways just my thoughts. Once again, very interesting question!
That is true Chava about other cultures having their extended families more involved. I know someone from Yugoslavia and their entire family live in one building. On different floors, but the buiding is just for their family so they can have privacy but are never too far away.
I want to do exactly that...work from home when the youngest is in school. I think it will all work out but what's important to us is that our kids always have someone. I guess that can only work if both parents are on the same page.
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