[richardnanda1]

I met my wife whom I married last year 4 years back at office. We were in the same department and fell in love with each other. Our family came to know of the affair after two years. She confessed the same to her mother and said that she wanted to marry me. Her parents were at first apprehensive as we were from different castes. But she insisted that she won't marry anyone else and that she loved me a lot. Finally our parents agreed and the date for our wedding was finalized.

But just before three-four I found her behavior towards me had changed. She did not allow me even to hold her hand or even sit near her. I asked her what was the matter but she said "nothing". This lasted for nearly 2 months. I was going mad by her ways. I was not able even to sleep. I even started to shout at her for her behavior. But finally one day when I forced her, she said that she was in love with some one else. She said she was sorry and want to make everything as it was earlier. She said that she would leave him and asked me to forgive her. I was shocked. Never did I expect that from her. She said that it was my behavior that made her move away from me. I agree I had become too possessive for her and many times behaved in ways that were really really bad or the worst. She said it was for me to decide whether we must get married or not. She said she did not want this to happen but it did happen and she feels guilty for what she did.

That night I could not sleep. I did not know what to do. Finally I decided to forget everything and start everything from the scratch. Early morning I visited the temple and bought a bunch of red roses for her on the way. She arrived at my house [we stay alone away from our native place] after an hour. I proposed her and gave her the bunch. She hugged me. I had been waiting for it for nearly 4 months. She started crying and said she would not leave me.

Now we are married. It has been six months of our marriage now. She kept her promise. She has since then never talked to that guy. She have done everything possible to make me happy. But I am not being able to forget everything that had happened. My mind is always occupied with this thoughts. I am unable to sleep. When ever I try to be closer to her, I feel that the other guy was too close to her in the same way. I am going mad. I slapped my wife today for the same when she had done nothing. This has happened many times in the past six months. She says she accepts her fault and do not feel bad when I slap her. She says that I must forget everything and must not spoil our present and future. But it is me who cannot be normal any more. I feel bad later and love her. But the situation repeats again. Once I broke her nose and she had to be taken to hospital. I know what I am doing is not correct. But it happens. Please suggest me ways to be normal. I am afraid that this may take a serious turn one day.

Is this Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD]? Is there any ways to make me normal. I go mad if someone utters his name or see his name written somewhere. Please help. I am dying a slow death.

[Fr_Chuck]

First "tis may take a serious turn" man it is past serious, you hit you wife and it appears you do often. You choice to marry her, knowing of the problem, you are obsessed and need metal health counseling

[Kitkat22]

First "tis may take a serious turn" man it is past serious, you hit you wife and it appears you do often. You choice to marry her, knowing of the problem, you are obsessed and need metal health couseling

I hope she had the guts to hit you back. Once a man hits a woman he never stops. I don't feel sorry for you.. you are a coward.. I'll bet you wouldn't have the guts to slap a man ! You are pathetic and if she stays with you she is pathetic. How dare you!!

You broke her nose? You are beyond help! YOU DON'T need anything except a true man to kick your A$$.. You are a worm... Countries.. which countries?

[amicon]

Considering your state of mind the two of you shouldn't have gotten married.

All abuse is wrong-full stop.

If you are serious about changing your ways, I suggest you make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to a therapist who might be able to help you.

Meanwhile,move out and leave your wife alone.
Your violence is escalating and you shouldn't be anywhere near her.

[dynocompe]

The king ought to make thou art his slave

[Kitkat22]

the king ought to make thou art his slave

I just cannot fathom how a man and I use that word loosely can hit a woman. How can a woman love a man who hits her? Scenario.. "Honey I'm sorry i broke your nose and slapped you around..heres a dozen roses maybe they will make up for the broken nose. I'll tell you what maybe when i break your arm or break your jaw I'll give you two dozen. Now sweetie kiss my feet and come on and give me some sugar, I only do it cause I love you". What a creep!:eek:

[Devorameira]

Your wife did wrong by you, but you are simply using it as an excuse to try and justify your outrageous abusive behavior. Your behavior has nothing to do with her earlier actions. If she’d done nothing at all you would still be hitting her because you are a mean abusive man.

There is NEVER AN EXCUSE TO ABUSE your wife! Your wife would have been wise to have called the police and had you arrested. You truly should be sitting in jail.

If you care about her at all , then you need to divorce her and let her find a good husband that doesn’t find pleasure in slapping her and breaking her nose. Let her find someone who will love and protect her - not harm her.

As for you, you desperately need help. I’d suggest some heavy long-term counseling. Without it you’ll repeat your actions in the next relationship.

[talaniman]

You want to be normal, go get some help immediately. Your abuse is unacceptable, and criminal, as is your excuse for it.

Get help, or get incarcerated.

[Lucky098]

Whoa... wait a min... You said you BROKE her nose??

I'm sorry, but you're lucky she didn't turn you in for abuse.

This solution is very easy to fix... You either forgive and forget... and move on. Why are you torturing someone who you supposibly love? Why do you continue to hurt her? Are you that angry inside?? Apparently.

You need to leave her. You're hurting her. You're making her miserable, and what's worse.. You're breaking her spirit.

Get counseling...

No this is not Post Tramatic Stress Disorder.. Were you in a war? No... Your wife said she loved someone else... You're just a possessive, abusive man. Shame on you.

Here is the definition of PTSD --

Posttraumatic stress disorder[1][2] (PTSD, also rendered with a hyphen as post-traumatic stress disorder) is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event which results in psychological trauma.[3] This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity,[1] overwhelming the individual's ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response.

Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal - such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hypervigilance. Formal diagnostic criteria (both DSM-IV and ICD-9) require that the symptoms last more than one month and cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.[1]

Your fiancé soon to be wife telling you that she is in love with another man is definitely a blow! But for it to effect you psychologically to the point where you hit her? Doubt it... I'll say it again...

You're AN ABUSIVE, POSSESIVE MAN.

Get help... NOW!

[Kitkat22]

Whoa... wait a min.... You said you BROKE her nose???

I'm sorry, but you're lucky she didnt turn you in for abuse.

This solution is very easy to fix... You either forgive and forget... and move on. Why are you torturing someone who you supposibly love? Why do you continue to hurt her? Are you that angry inside ??? Apparently.

You need to leave her. You're hurting her. You're making her miserable, and whats worse.. You're breaking her spirit.

Get counseling...

No this is not Post Tramatic Stress Disorder.. Were you in a war? No... Your wife said she loved someone else.... You're just a possessive, abusive man. Shame on you.

Here is the definition of PTSD --

Posttraumatic stress disorder[1][2] (PTSD, also rendered with a hyphen as post-traumatic stress disorder) is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event which results in psychological trauma.[3] This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity,[1] overwhelming the individual's ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response.

Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal - such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hypervigilance. Formal diagnostic criteria (both DSM-IV and ICD-9) require that the symptoms last more than one month and cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.[1]

Your fiance soon to be wife telling you that she is in love with another man is definately a blow! But for it to effect you psychologically to the point where you hit her?? Doubt it...I'll say it again...

YOURE AN ABUSIVE, POSSESIVE MAN.

Get help... NOW!

I don't think he is coming back to reply. Too much heat in the kitchen..

[Gemini54]

Stop the slapping immediately and get professional help!

This is your problem and you are blaming your wife who has been honest with you and has been good to you.

You know this is wrong, wrong wrong.

Speak to your father, your priest, an uncle or someone you trust - this is not PTSD - this is jealous violence - you need to get help before you do something you will regret for the rest of your life.

Get professional help now - there is no excuse for violence against another human being.

[Larken85]

Yeah I'd say he went running back to his own little world. Sadly we can't do anything about this ourselves. People like this guy really p!ss me off let me tell you! Maybe he should try testing his luck at slapping me!

[myagony1234]

I feel so sorry for your wife. What a miserable marriage she is going through…
You do not deserve your wife. She is suffering physically and emotionally, and her life is miserable. You did not marry her to make her miserable. Didn’t you?
You are mentally very ill, and I really hate abusive men. I personally believe abusive men should be beaten up until they realize what they have done to others by own pain.
It is not about your wife's past. You are vicious and savage animal.
A man like you find any excuses to physically abuse wife anyway. You are enjoying to beat her up, and satisfied about your power and control over her. You are your own enemy, and you are destroying people around you as well as yourself.

I PERSONALLY Believe YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP IN JAIL. PLEASE SEE A COUNSELOR ASAP!

[Cat1864]

She said that it was my behavior that made her move away from me. I agree I had become too possessive for her and many times behaved in ways that were really really bad or the worst. She said it was for me to decide whether we must get married or not. She said she did not want this to happen but it did happen and she feels guilty for what she did.

Stop blaming her actions for your current problems. By your own words, you were tormenting her BEFORE she told you about the other person. You drove her away BEFORE you married her.

Quite frankly, she should not have given you the choice of whether to marry. She should have walked away from you and found her own life. Unfortunately for her, she isn't a Western woman who has much more freedom in who to be involved with and who to marry.

[myagony1234]

I am really worry about your wife and your marriage, and came back. You destroyed love in your life, turned your marriage into battlefield. I am so sorry for your wife, who is terrified and suffers in silence every day.

Is this Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD]? Is there any ways to make me normal.

Give me a break! Please do not warp your savage behavior with fancy word. I am sick about you. You were annoyed years ago by her ex. It was minor shock, not even a tremendous shock which can destroy a man inside as you think. Otherwise, you would not accept the situation, and proposed her with your own will, and married her. Besides, she has been sincere since married. There is no way you can justify your violence using fancy PTSD word. You are jealous, obsessed with her ex, and revenge her by beating her up. Let's be honest. Probably you do not feel you are good enough compared to her ex. Am I right? Most of men do not beat up women because of own jealousy. You are coward, do not even know how to behave like a man, and constantly beat up your wife and wonder why your marriage is not working.

I go mad if someone utters his name or see his name written somewhere. Please help. I am dying a slow death. I am dying a slow death.

Give me a break again! I do not believe people intentionally utter his name. You are illusional. You are beating her up and crying out that you are dying inside? WHAT A JOKE!! The person dying is your wife, not you. You are Drama Queen. Cut the crap please. Man up, make up your mind to clean up your mess, and sincerely apologize her. Swear to her with god's name, you will not raise your hand again. And keep your word if you are a man. I really wish you have balls to stick with.

I slapped my wife today for the same when she had done nothing. This has happened many times in the past six months. She says she accepts her fault and do not feel bad when I slap her. .

This tells me how STUPID & SCREWED UP you are. You have fist to hit your innocent wife, but you have no brain. Nobody deserved to be slapped. You forced her to accept your violence. Your wife is terrified, gave up to against, and accepted it as her fault to avoid MORE BEATEN UP! Shame on you, YOU SICK & IDIOT MAN!

She says that I must forget everything and must not spoil our present and future. But it is me who cannot be normal any more. I feel bad later and love her. But the situation repeats again. Once I broke her nose and she had to be taken to hospital. I know what I am doing is not correct. But it happens. Please suggest me ways to be normal. I am afraid that this may take a serious turn one day..

You have fist, constantly beat her up to revenge (or to entertain yourself by now. Your wife is terrified, but does not know how to protect herself. It is very sick situation. She should stand up for herself and hit you back, and should leave you for own happiness. Then you will realize what you have done to your love of life. Wake up, man. If you so not stop, she will reach the point cannot stand any longer, and has to leave you. Then what. Will you chase her and beat her up to come back? How stupid is that?

If she stays in marriage and have kids, you will also beat up your kids. You do not know any better how to behave as a family man. One day, your son will learn your behavior, and will beat up his wife in future too for any reason. I am really sick about you.

STOP all of this. Apologize her sincerely today, and promise her you would not do it again. KEEP YOUR WORD IF YOU ARE A MAN. PLEASE SEE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR ASAP! IF YOU HAVE ANXIETY, TAKE SOME ANTI-ANXIETY pill too.

Let me ask you a question since you have the typical abusive behavior. Do you force her to have sex with you and have sex with her after beat her up? Do you know it is rape? You probably would not know it either. Can you answer me honestly?