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Why does my husband name-drop women's names among other things
Asked Oct 29, 2011, 09:17 PM
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56 Answers My husband of 3 and a half years, (an older man, twice divorced, then alone for 20 years), has from day one of our dating, always made statements to me regularly, (too regularly), who the pretty/feminine women are that we meet or know. I got very very sick of it because it was so often, (daily, or even several times in a day he would repeat himself), but I still married him. Or, he would go somewhere by himself and when he came home would describe fully some woman's facial features/expressions - even if it was just someone in a dairy/library etc. And describe how he made them laugh, etc. When I asked him about why he would always point out the pretty ones, (as if I don't have eyes), and constantly talk to me about, or point out their smile or how their eyes would light up, their jaw dropped, etc. He got very defensive and argumentative when I said he was talking about pretty women way too much and putting them "in front of me" all the time. Then he changed, and started quoting their words to me. If I was in company with him and another pretty woman I would hear her saying some simple everyday word like "cheeky" once, then for the next six months he would daily or more than daily use the word "cheeky" to me. The words they used he would say to me only, and still does, every single day, (even six months later), when the woman is not even around anymore. I find it so bizarre, frustrating, irritating, and wonder now if he has mental/psychological issues. When I bring it to his attention after putting up with it without saying anything for quite a long time, (even months some times), it simply gets worse so that I think he is doing it deliberately? Trying to manipulate me? But why? I can't figure this out at all and it leads to arguments often now and I don't want to do things/go places with him, and he tells me I've got the problem, yet I would never, even once, play on the words of an attractive man we both meet. It's so bizarre. |
56 Answers
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| I mentioned name-dropping. What I meant was - one woman's name is Jo - she is the one who casually used the word "cheeky". Then every day, and I mean every day, my husband would say 'jo bloggs', 'sloppy jo' (as in the jumper), or 'what do you know jo?', when meeting a friend/relative - in front of me every time. This, or the word 'cheeky' has been repeated over and over and over for the past six months - daily. Then one day when he missed, I thought "oh he has stopped", but no, the very next day the same thing over and over - it doesn't matter what I say - HE WILL NOT STOP, and I now know this. I told him that he says the word Jo more than he says my own name. He rarely uses my name - he calls me 'love' - even if he is calling to me from outside when I am inside - he will call out 'love'. Also he doesn't want me to call him by his first name as he says he knows his own name. I have never known this type of psychology in my whole life and I am just about screaming with the bizarreness of it all. Can anyone explain any of it? | ||||
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| Not sure what the problem is. Not sure why your taking these little words or sayings so seriously. It is so common. Not sure why it is an issue. My name is Joe, and I get a lot of people saying different phrases and other things. I have heard what do you know Joe, lots and lots. Actually it sounds like he is quite normal. It sounds like you are the one with the issues. Over analyzing everything and taking everything out of proportion. Not sure what is wrong with being called love... Obviously he loves you. IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. There is no psychology that needs to be involved. Quite surprised to find somebody that finds all these normal sayings and nick names to be a problem. That is perplexing to me. Not sure what else to say to you. Except it is odd that you have never heard of these sayings or husband and wife having nick names for each other. Using sayings or other things while talking about other people. | ||||
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| What I am saying is the frequency that he says these things. I know very well they are innocent words. Six months ago we met Jo - she said 'cheeky aren't I?' said innocently in humour in front of me and my husband (that is normal). Then, every day after that my husband will tell me every day that so and so is 'cheeky', or somebody else is 'cheeky'. Even the birds are 'cheeky' for pooping on the fence I just painted. Sometimes it is 3 times a day, but it is every day. Since when do you meet 'cheeky' people every day, I certainly don't. This has been going on for six months and you could say it has got on my nerves badly as all day I am hearing 'cheeky, cheeky, cheeky'. I think you don't get the intensity of it, and if it's not 'cheeky', it is 'Jo' as in jo bloggs, what do you know jo etc. All day, every day, every time I sit to have a meal with him - do you get it now? and that is a brief explanation of what has been going on. Would you quote continuously to you wife another woman's name but never call your wife by her own name? That to me is bizarre, even if you do get called love (which I don't have a problem with), but at least once a month I'd like to be called by my first name. | ||||
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| Why do I need to get it? Because I do not agree with you. Cheeky, Cheeky Cheeky, nothing wrong with the word cheeky. He uses things and saying repeatedly maybe it is getting annoying. Just let him know it is wearing thin. That it is bothering you but you already did. Obviously he does not think it is an issue, nor do I for that matter. All day every time every where. Does it really matter. Why did you get married with him? Why are you still married to him if this is such a big issue. If this is the only issue you have with him. My God, I can not imagine what would happen if there was an actual real series problem in the relationship. You get called love. You know what, yes I use my wife's name. Not all the time, but now we are known as mama and papa to our son so first names not used that much. We have nick names for ourselves. Now these nick names are not used in front of other people but the word love. Nothing wrong with it. Well why do you not sign a contract with your husband and get both you two to sign it. With an agreement about calling you by your first name at least once a month. Will that make you happy? I am sure others will pipe in on this thread and give you other opinions and thoughts on your matter. I really hope they do. I really hope that you stick around and find out what other people might have to say besides me. Then again I do not think it matters what anybody else says. If all else fails then go to marriage counseling but it is obvious he is happy and healthy. On the other hand for you it does not sound like you are so it has to be dealt with. | ||||
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| I'm very sorry, I didn't mean you had to get it - what I meant was that maybe I wasn't explaining myself well so that I was not making myself understood because I really want help with this. It is very difficult to explain behaviour that I don't understand myself. There is definitely a heavily repetition of same words, and other things that I now don't want to go into - if he tells me every day someone is cheeky, then repeats himself saying "cheeky, cheeky, cheeky" every day, then of course I will get sick of it - I have even come to expect it daily. I do appreciate your comments, but I do know for a fact that the repetition I am hearing (and it is only me) is not usual (I won't say not normal). Yes he does love me and I love him, that is why it is so puzzling to me that he quotes women's comments to the nth degree (literally). I feel hammered with it. I actually wondered if it was something like alzheimers, sadly. If it is, then, I can accept that and look for help elsewhere to help him as much as me. Yes, I will let him know it is wearing thin, though I would have thought he'd know that by now. No, I'm not looking for rules about how often to say my name, but he practically never says it to me, and I am wondering if he gets words/names stuck in his head - if so, so what, that is entirely OK if it is not deliberate. If it is deliberate, then I don't know what I am experiencing. I married him because he is a wonderful man generally and I am not looking to just put him down, there are other things too, but now I don't want to get into that as I will probably make a mistake in how I put it. Thanks for your comments - I do appreciate them, and I will look at myself too. | ||||
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| Thanks JudyKayTee I do tell him, and he told me once that he "digs his toes in" and I think he is doing that - even when I have ignored the behaviour for months. He told me I can't stop him saying words in the dictionary, but that isn't what I am wanting to do - I'm wanting him to stop playing on the words, and when I tell him it actually gets worse so all I can do is be quiet, and when I'm quiet he still carries it on. Can't achieve anything and it doesn't matter if I say something or I don't (for months) he still won't stop. | ||||
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| I don't know him, of course, but I get the feeling he's doing this one thing to annoy you for some reason. Is there something else that he's upset about that he's either afraid to mention or doesn't want to talk about? I see questions along these lines if a man is having difficulty with his sex life - he then antagonizes his partner in some other arena. | ||||
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| I'm with Judy on thinking he wants to annoy you somehow, and maybe he's covering up something bigger, a larger concern. | ||||
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