Why does my husband name-drop women's names among other things

Human beings - we are so complex aren't we! I am going to print these comments so that I can remind myself to keep my sense of humour and do my best by my struggling husband - THIS MUST BE THE BEST ADVICE EVER - maybe it was worth waiting three years to seek advice because now I have it and I think I can achieve it (AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T WANT TO DIVORCE ME NOW for how I have been reacting to him).

I'm glad you're glad. Keep us up to date.

This sort of thing is why I spent three years in grad school studying psychology -- and have always enjoyed public service jobs. I could keep you up all night with stories of people I've met while working in libraries. How unique and interesting each one of us is!

Yes, spin it I will, and I will keep helping him with his medical challenges, even if I get called 'mummy'. I better see if he is OK as I have been here for ages and you must have been too Wondergirl - yes, he is a beloved father and I always loved that about him and I want that for him too. You must have a wonderful insight into some human frailties and what can be done to help, and I have just learned a new verb - reframing - thanks for that, it makes me think I need to do it often. All the best with your own husbands, sorry I have not been as helpful as you have been to me today, and I want to practice it.

I've been spinning and reframing for at least 44 years. It becomes an art and second nature. I'm guessing you'll be good at it too with your open and joyous spirit.

thanks again for drawing me out to give you something to work with - I really appreciate you putting up with me in here. I have printed off the advice and now wish I could delete it from the world's eyes because I think it is probably unique to me - is this possible?

It's hardly unique to you. You'd be amazed at how similar people's stories are. How do you think we counselors manage to untangle them so quickly sometimes? The plot line is usually the same; only the names are different.

In fact, someone else with a similar husband problem may be Googling right now, looking for some help for her marriage, and will stumble across this thread -- and be so glad to find it. See, you are doing a public service!

yes, it's just the family I don't want to stumble across it - but if they do, then at least they see the other half of the story from my side. The plot line with the different names - that's so funny as I just couldn't imagine any other wife suffering the same thing of playing on a word 3 or 4 times a day every day - I thought I had just a very stubborn husband until I thought hmm! maybe alzheimers or Picks disease is one that I googled - but I'd rather not go there for now unless it becomes obvious that it is something like that. As for me, I'm reframing thanks to you.

The plot line this time is "control" -- think about it.

And I spent about $20,000 to learn that word "reframe," but you got it for free. And you can reframe so much in your life in order to keep your sanity. It's amazing how well it works.

The thing is for me. There are times that I tell my wife I find this or that girl attractive. She will tell me she finds somebody attractive or even asks my opinion about how a girl might look. We are comfortable with each other and know that it is quite normal to be attracted or like the way other people look. Then again, you mentioned how he has always been around women and feel comfortable around them. There is nothing wrong with that. Just because there might be an attraction there does not mean that anything will ever happen. As you know yourself.

As far as the family repeating words too, do you think they know of the issues or is this something the whole family naturally does, as you say he has done it from the start?

You are very right humans are very complex. You just never know what is going on, on the inside.

There seems to be lots of things going on with him and thank you for opening up more about the situation because obviously you got helped out through the discussions with Wondergirl and Judy which is awesome.

So glad that you are getting help in how to deal with this situation and that hopefully your outlook will change. Focus on the positive aspects of your husband. He sounds like a good man.

Also would like to add the sleep deprivation can do a lot to people as well. Body wise and personality wise. Independence is a very good trait but not always a good one when you never take care of yourself properly.

Good luck with everything and wish you both the best. Thank you for coming here seeking advice. Hope you come back and let us all know how things are progressing.

Hi Joe
Yes, I think the family know, as my husband has gone away from the house upset twice in about the last year for about 3 hours when I asked him why he is repeating same words over and over and I snapped at him because I had enough at the time, and usually if he goes anywhere apart from the other places I'm aware of, it will be to his daughter. For about the last year (not previously), when we went to her house she and her husband would bring up these words 'silver', 'cheeky' a few times each time we went there (2 weekly about), so I felt they were doing it on purpose as it was in front of me and my husband but my husband wasn't saying the words. Hmmm! I still don't know and I forgive them if they were simply trying to support my husband in his difficulty and I didn't react to them as I thought my husband put them up to it.
Anyway, today my husband assured me it isn't deliberate and made mention that he is 'getting on' in years and I apologised to him where I might have hurt him knowing as I do how much physical pain he puts up with.
I wouldn't mind Joe if my husband talked properly about women we meet, as you said you do with your wife - I just get baffled with the name-dropping constantly and it made me think that Jo must be on his mind because it comes out his mouth so much after we just talked to her, and it could carry on for a year, but he isn't talking about her as such, he just puts the word Jo into his conversations with me. The last time we had a disagreement and made up he went straight into the word 'cheeky' within 5 minutes and I just confirmed to myself that it isn't going to stop and sometimes he says it just before I'm going to go to sleep. Today when we made up he hasn't so far said it so let's see if he says it just before I do go to sleep tonight. Sleep deprivation! That is the both of us now because he also snores loudly and sometimes we bunnyhop different beds to get some sleep - he has sleep apneoa to a lesser degree. I will continue to support him and he has been and is a wonderful support for me, yes, a good man definitely. Now I have ammunition to help - Wondergirl's word advice 'control' will help too. I always thought about self-contol, but it's easy to lose self-control when irritated so much. However, control brings other ideas to me - like control the situation, more than thinking self-control. I'm really believing he might have some sort of glitch where words get 'stuck' in his mind. I don't know, but I think I can cope better now. Thanks Joe, I now have something to work with and hope like crazy it is not dementia related as he is too wonderful to put up with that too. I will relax with it as I feel better already. I do wish I could still remove the thread as he would be very upset again to realise I had been seeking help here, but for now we are OK - thanks heaps!