Overweight, depressed, lonely.

I understand how one thing leads to another and before you know it, you are being squashed by the whole mess. Its important to find the beginning and take steps about that one. It can pay off so well that taking steps on the next thing becomes much easier. Its connected just like that.

Do yourself a big favor and review the list you made here, writing them down like a check list. Mark out the ones you can only practice acceptance about -- like your parents aging, for example. Then priortize the ones left keeping in mind how one thing leads to another. Write next to each problem the first small step necessary.

I would be inclined to see the unhealthy eating/weight issue is near the top of the list as a biggie for making a person feel really bad, which in turn leads to more bad decisions. So instead of sleeping after work, maybe attend OA meeting? Look for Overeaters Anonymous in your phone directory and if you can't find them, look for AA instead - they sometimes know OA info. OA is where you can make some friends who will offer support for you to begin to make small but radically different choices.

Use a small victory to really feel good about yourself and empower yourself to tackle the next thing on your list. This is all a one day at a time, one decision at a time puzzle to solve but I believe it can be done. You posted here (good for you)-- now take another step.

Oh sweetheart ... Everything is going to be ok really I know it is .. I completely understand how your feeling and it really isn't nice but... You don't have to be like it forever you can get better really I used to be exactly liike you .. I just didn't see the point in living every day I hated it seemed too much what was the point.. Everything people found just normal I struggled to get my head round doing ..I know babe .. I really do know .. But its going to be ok .. There is hope and there is help and I love life now .. Have you ever read the new testamont.. The plasm the proverbs... Honestly there is help and its all in here .. The amzing thing is your not on your own .. And you are going to be ok .. Once you have god in your life you won't need to use food to make you feel comforted you won't need to use phone lines you will have astrength that passes all understanding.. Its not religion its just a book that's really old but has words that have amazing power .
Dont hate yourself you see yourself differently to other people and you have isoleted yourself from people cause you have no love for you ... What if I said that everything you think about yourself is the biggest illusion and lie.. Really you have created your world by your thoughts you neeed to see that you are a beautiful and a unique person who has a kind heart and soul and just be gentle with yourself stop punishing yourself .. Love yourself because you don't have to be trapped by all this anymore you are free.. Its your life and you can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven .. Really .. Think about it .. Instead of sleeping to pass time by go out no matter how you feeel go for a walk and just be with nature think nice happy thoughts try no matter how hard .. Just start doing this each day.. And I promise hand on heart you will feel better about yourself .. The world is such a beautiful place but right now your just hiding from it .. There is love and there is so much there's enough for you and everyone... Take it day by day and give yourself a pat on the back for everything you do .. Soon you will see your life will be brighter and you will want to be with people .. You can be who ever you want in this life and its ovibious to me you don't want to be this person anymore so start to help yourself.. Read the news testmont.. The paslms and proverbs.. Please you want help.. This is the biggest help I can give you babe.. I have been where you are now and I know how bad it is but I am so much better now and its about have faith and believing that you don't have to be trapped by food thinking about you I know you will be just fine .. I am here if you need to talk ..be gentle with yourself you are unique and specail you just need to realise it and you will .. I know.. Love to you angel

Dear Valinors and Katrina,

Thank you so much for responding so quickly. I cried as I read both of your responses. Looking at the huge pile of things in my life I need to fix has been so overwhelming. It's easier to sleep, eat, or act like someone else on the phone. Your advice to begin with a couple things (like health and God) makes sense to me. I need to find the strength to begin. I've become such a recluse in my personal life. For example, today is Sunday and ever since I came home from work Friday, I have not left my apartment except to get five bags of food. The only people I've spoken with are strangers on chatlines where I act like I'm petite and beautiful. And that married guy calls daily claiming he's in love with me; that makes me depressed also because I know it's not true. He lives thousands of miles away and simply calls for naughty talk.

There isn't much anyone can do to help you but yourself,and I think you know that.go to the doctor and tell him what is truly going on and then get a hold of the department of rehab services or the counselor.only you can get out of this ,but you have to want to.and let that guy go as well that's a dead end!

You are welcome and there is only a limited amount that can be done here, so be mindful of that too.

It sounds like you've retreated from your real life into a fantasy world as much as you can. Its very dissatisfying, isn't it? And it comes at a huge price to you too. Time to reclaim your real life. Even taking small steps, it will sometimes feel like a battle, but it is a worthy fight because you deserve to be happy. Many of the things you listed are changable. One small step, honey. Make a call to OA instead of your chat buddies tonight.

Begin by reaching out for help. There is lots of it out in the world.

It's very easy to stay still when you are still, momentum is what carries us through life, and you've lost yours. Ultimately who you are is what you do, right now you're nothing because you do nothing. As a whole, the problems seem overwhelming, but val is right, take it one step at a time.

A couple of key things to think about when it comes to solving problem piles. When you're faced with one problem, it's fairly easy to adapt and overcome, and when you're faced with many, that one problem that was easily solvable becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. Solving one problem diminishes the effect of another. For example when my ex left me, I was overweight, aggrivated at everything, I turned into an alcoholic and couldn't handle going to class or getting my work done. First thing I did was work on losing weight, I've lost 50 lbs, and when I realized I was in better shape, I wasn't an angry person anymore because I had less to be angry about.

Personally, I'd start with your weight. It'll kill you, is why I pick that one first. Also, with diet and exercise, you'll feel better too. What I did was go online and look for an exercise bike, which make exercising convenient, which left me little excuse not to use it. I only paid like 150US to get it shipped to my house, so it was a sweet deal. Park that sucker in front of the TV and get rockin.

And, as far as dieting goes, I'm no expert, but I did what works for me. Put pictures of totally hot chicks up on my walls, and looked at them every time I wanted a snack. I also figured screw diets, they don't work in the long term because it means changing what you eat completely, instead I'd focus on eating smaller portions of the same garbage I usually eat. Worked like a charm.

Wow this is going to be the second time this week I've recommended this but I suggest you get the book Beliefs by Robert Dilts. Basically the beliefs we pick up, sometimes by accident or that don't make sense when you stop and think about them guide our lives. This book covers that, how they get set in your brain to begin with and how to reset them.

As far as finances, I was in debt a few years ago I wrote down on a piece of paper how much I owed and to who. I then forgave myself for getting into debt decided stopped to think (and a lot of time we don't think about things we just react to them but you have to slow down and let it sink it so you can take action to correct it) that I didn't get into debt overnight so it' okay if I don't get out overnight and gave myself a timeline. Believe it or not setting this whole thing up was actually kind of fun. Anyways, I then paid the SMALLEST debts first because those were the ones that I could eliminate the quickest. Once I eliminated a debt I took it off my list. If it was a credit card, I called and canceled it. To be honest I don't remember how long it took, maybe 2 and half years but I finally paid everything off. I also had some set backs and when I did I just reaffirmed to myself that my overall debt had come down from when I started so improvements were being made. That's just what I did, I'm sure there are some great books at the library that can help you with that if you don't think that fits to your situation.

Much like with the money, the weight didn't just happen overnight nor should you expect it go away overnight. You can't lose 100 lbs by this time next month. But you can lose 5. Don't look at the whole thing and say you can't. Break it down and set it up for yourself so that you can. Set a goal of losing 5 lbs. When you reach it set another goal of losing 5 lbs. Then another 5 lbs.

I sypathize with you about food. I love eating. But you can also eat healthy and feel better and get energy as opposed to some that does nothing for you. I lift and I can tell you one of the overall healthiest and cheapiest (by volume and number of times I use the stuff) is protein. I use protein to make shakes when I blend it with strawberries and milk, or I just mix it with straight milk. Some brands of protein mix great with water and it even tastes goo. But the one thing this also does is make me full. Even though your not a bodybuilder I recommend you go to Bodybuilding.com - Huge Nutrition Article Database!

Don't be fooled by the name of the site, you do not have to be a bodybuilder to go there. They have thousands of articles on nutritian and diets.

Also I just wanted to throw this out there, your just like 95% of the population in that you want change, but your only like 5% who seek out answers to it. You searched this site out, asked the question are getting feedback and making or at the very least taking in some postive feedback regarding your life. I'm not saying your over the mountain, but your not at the base of it either. You've gone farther than most of the people living or dead ever have because you've searched for something better. If you can be proud of anything you've done this weekend, I'd say you can be proud of that.

Breαk up with the mαrried mαn, get finαncαl help to αssist you with you debt αnd help you hαve everything in order--or do it yourself!, cleαn your αpαrtment.. Look for α better job (outside αnother city if you wish), get support (friends, mom, sisters, etc.), stop eαting so much, get into α scheduαl eαt right, exercise, join something (curves?, cerαmics clαss?..) go out αnd sociαlize! Yeα its eαsy to sαy but hαrd to do-- no use in complαining though go out there αnd get α hold of YOUR life becαuse your the only one thαts gonnα live it girl..αnd its up to you on how you do it--i know you cαn do it:-)