Im 13 years old and i cant wait for my life to end

Hiya errm i googled a site so i could talk to someone i cant really talk to anybody else like my mum or dad Im 13 years old and i cant wait for my life to end im at that point i dont tell any body because it's just easy to keeep it to myself and not let people know that i cant handle myself i can most of the time i have tried talking to people at my school but they dont help just make things worse i want to be able to open up to my mum but she just doesnt have the time to lissten the only time she tells me she loves me is when she is drunk and hurts i started to hang around with the girl and she has got me into doing stuff i dont want to like meeting lads and sitting there well there all doing weed as i dont want to go down that rode i smoke normal fags and if my mum ever found out she would kill me i have self harmed in the past my mum found out and told people that i was attention seeking now i have been doing it for 1 year on my legs and she doesnt see,there not at the point where im losing control but im scared that they will get to that point i hope not i hope that i can sort it out, I have just came out of a realationship and miss the person eally bad she acts like she doesnt care one day then tell's me she love's me the next i dontt know what to do anymore i juust need t pour my heart out to somebody and i havnt got any one too so i just keep it all bottled in i wish i could just let it out i think i would be a lot better somebody please help me?:L