Hello. I need some advice from those who have been there - done that or not done that.

Here is my situation.
My daughter is 6 years old and is in the first grade. She has a summer birthday and so she is a very young first grader. She made our cut off by 2 weeks when she started kindergarten. The school is now talking about holding her back from moving on to the 2nd grade because her reading skills are not at the appropriate level. They think it is strictly an age thing. They do not think she has a learning disability. They think she is academically immature. They are putting a "team" together that is going to sit down with us and have a talk about what should happen next.
However, she is excelling at everything else. We do not want her to be held back and have expressed that to her teacher. We do know that whatever decision is made - it will be ours in the end.
She reads to us every night and then we read to her. We have hired a tutor for her this summer. She is currently in a special reading class at school - but we are pulling her out because she has not improved and some of the things they teach are actually hindering her performance in other areas.

I believe it will do more harm than good to hold her back - socially and mentally.

I guess my question is - have you held your kid back? Are you happy you did? Were you faced with the option and chose not to? Are you happy with that decision?
I am sure our minds are made up - but I would like some feed back from those who have been in our shoes.

ballengerb1

What did her kindergarten teacher say about her maturity last year? If the current teacher and Principal think she is academically immature now, what was said last year. "but we are pulling her out because she has not improved and some of the things they teach are actually hindering her performance in other areas." Could you explain this feeling further? I know I have not answered you yet but I'm trying to get a fuller picture. Thanks

shygrneyzs

I would, based on her age and being so close to the cut off date, hold her back and have her repeat the grade. When she gets to the further grades, you could really start to see problems. I have two homecare clients that are retired teachers and they have often said that when in doubt, have the child repeat the grade, especially in the early grades.

I do not understand what you mean when you say you are pulling her out of her special reading class because the reading class is hindering her performance in other areas. Can you cite examples? Is the teacher or teachers saying this, or is this your bias coming through?

I know parents do not want to think their child is behind in any category but it happens. Making the changes now and helping your daughter succeed with her tasks - if it means repeating the grade - will be beneficial to her in the later grades.

NowWhat

Well, our kindergarten is half day. She went for 3 hours a day, they had a special (like gym or art) each day, snack time and recess. It has been said that only an hour a day was spent learning. Her teacher then said she was fine and ready for 1st grade. No problems.
As far as her reading class - she gets pulled out of regular class time and goes to Title 1 - which is a class for those who need extra help w/reading.
They spend very little to no time actually reading. They play games and work on "nonsense" words. Which is not words - but letters put together to make a sound.
My daughter is now trying to use those nonsense words in her writing and having points taken off. SHe is getting confused about what they are teaching in reading and what is expected in regular class time. She has not improved very much - according the test they administer. Her oral fluency is at a 14 and needs to be at a 44 by the end of the year. They have had her ALL year. One of the Title 1 teachers called her regular teacher last week to find out what level reading she is at. He is the reading teacher, he has had her all year and he does not know what level she is at???
(I am a bit frustrated)
All they tell us now is that she is young. And I just can't help feeling that - "well, her birthday has not changed - why didn't that come into play at kindergarten registration".

albear

i dont think that long term it will have a huge effect

NowWhat

We know that she is behind in reading - we are not in any sort of denial about that. That is why we are getting a tutor for the summer.
And, I know that if she was behind in other areas - this would not be an issue. The answer would be clear.
But.... She is excelling in all other areas. She is a little math whiz - gets top grades in social studies and science. Plus good grades in all the extra classes - art, music, computer lab and gym.
So, if I can get her the help over the summer to get her where she needs to be - should holding her back still be considered?
Back to asking what 2+2=? I think she would feel dumb and defeated. She takes her grades seriously and is upset when she gets anything other than an "E".
Watching her friends go on and she is back in 1st grade - what will that do to her? Will she lose her foundness for school and find it boring?

Squiffy

I have never had that problem with my kids, they are both winter babies so are the some of the oldest in their years. However, if it were my child, I would not have her repeat the grade, but I would keep that summer tutor until she had caught up with her peers at school.

albear

yes i think that they should reconsider if you will be getting tuition

richcali

I know of several family and friends children in this situation and I have seen the results years later. One child who repeated 2nd grade because of reading skills is doing OK now it was good for her but she had no reading skills and was doing poorly in all subjects. However two others who both repeated first grade did not turn out as good as they both are now at the top of the class and it seems that they would have caught up to the rest of the class. If it were my child I would not hold her back I would have a private tutor (actually I would do this myself) after school or weekends, but would not have anything to do with anything that takes her out of her normal class or break time. I was a teacher’s assistant for four year with a third grade class and notice that at this age those who were behind in their skills really pushed harder to catch up. I think some times it takes a little longer for some kids to really get reading skills but by third grade they all seem to even out for the most part. I also found that some of the third graders that were held back were having problems with the fact that all of their first class were now a grade ahead and it seem to bother them a lot. I talked with a couple of them and it was very obvious that it caused them some grief that they were left behind. Since the only problem she has is the reading and all other skills are normal or above I believe she will catch up in the next grade. The only children who I think should be held back are those who are behind in more than half of their skills or those with social problems.

J_9

I have been in that position with my daughter, and yes, I did hold her back. She was well advanced in everything but reading, as yours is. The only difference though was that mine was in kindergarten, and kindergarten was all day.

Holding her back was by far the BEST thing I have ever done. She is now 13 and in 7th grade, top of her class and a straight A student and excells in many sports.

We held her back with the assurance from her school that she would not be put back with the same teacher. We wanted her to have experience from another teacher also. She did, needless to say, mature to the level far above her classmates.

My daughter also was around 2 weeks from the cutoff date.
We placed her in kindergarten with the knowledge that she may repeat. She spent her early years in daycare and preschool as I HAD to work, but was not ready for the demands of elementary school.

Understand that if your little one is immature right now, not saying that is a bad thing mind you, she surely will not mature in second grade as it is more demanding, and third grade is the hardest grade in elementary school.

If your daughter was not in full time daycare or kindergarten, then the best thing you can do is hold her back. Let her get to know what the structure of elementary school is like. She will have an easier time next year.

Oh, yeah, I know the stigma of a child that is held back.... failed...flunked....etc. Well, believe me that is all BUNK!!!!! They barely remember first grade. She will thank you in the future and you will be rewarded by having an honor roll student. Believe me, I have been there, done that, about to be there again and get another t-shirt.

My 5 year old son is in pre-k right now, full day, we are having a problem with his maturity level also. If this continues in kindergarten, I will hold him back then also.

Better to let her be prepared for the next grade than to have her fight for her grades.