Hello. I need some advice from those who have been there - done that or not done that.

Here is my situation.
My daughter is 6 years old and is in the first grade. She has a summer birthday and so she is a very young first grader. She made our cut off by 2 weeks when she started kindergarten. The school is now talking about holding her back from moving on to the 2nd grade because her reading skills are not at the appropriate level. They think it is strictly an age thing. They do not think she has a learning disability. They think she is academically immature. They are putting a "team" together that is going to sit down with us and have a talk about what should happen next.
However, she is excelling at everything else. We do not want her to be held back and have expressed that to her teacher. We do know that whatever decision is made - it will be ours in the end.
She reads to us every night and then we read to her. We have hired a tutor for her this summer. She is currently in a special reading class at school - but we are pulling her out because she has not improved and some of the things they teach are actually hindering her performance in other areas.

I believe it will do more harm than good to hold her back - socially and mentally.

I guess my question is - have you held your kid back? Are you happy you did? Were you faced with the option and chose not to? Are you happy with that decision?
I am sure our minds are made up - but I would like some feed back from those who have been in our shoes.

Skell

Well in that case maybe your husband has a point. I can see both sides. Especially with what you say about schools and funding. That a little sad to think that that MAY influence a teachers advice. But is is a big MAYBE!!

Do you think that with a little tutoring and some application from your daughter she can catch up?

I still think your husband needs to consider listening to what the teachers have to say before he completely makes his mind up.

NowWhat

That is where I get frustrated. I am not 100% on my decision to hold her back. I HOPE the tutoring helps. I pray the tutoring helps.
3 weeks ago - he and I were together. But, because I worry about everything that involves my kid, I started having second thoughts when bad math papers started coming in. (We have not had to worry about math - our saving grace) I really just wanted to talk out my concerns - when he sort of shut me down - I got on the defensive and was kind of like - We ARE holding her back!! You WILL listen to me! I know, we lost (or I did) sight of the object of conversation - our daughter!

I just want to KNOW that whatever decision is made - it's the right one for her.

Skell

And in the end only you can make that decision. And im sure it will be the correct one!

krystal1973

As far as being too young I do not know. My niece and my oldest son also young starters. Both have been exceptional learners and my niece was in the top 10 of her class when she graduated. My son is a straight A student, is mainstreamed, and he is deaf. So I dont know, Children are exceptionally fast learners. When my son started reading he seemed to struggle, so I went out on my own and found everything I could to help him to read. I have a Kindergarderer right now, who is an older child for his grade and he was reading by 2nd 9 weeks of school, but most children do not until Mid first grade. Maybe your daughter just has a different learning style, and maybe the teacher and her are not compatible. Well if you are definate about your plans to move south then if she were held back anyways, maybe it wouldnt hurt her to move up for the time being. If they hold her back a year in another location, then atleast it will take the burnen of you deciding to hold her back or not. Just a thought.

NowWhat

With the moving thing - we have had our house on the market for over a year now - with no offers or anything. It feels like we are never moving. Making plans for the future are getting depressing.
My fear is that if we go ahead and let her go to 2nd grade here and then sell the house 2 months into the year and then move her back to 1st - won't that do some damage?
If we kept her in 2nd when we move - it would be like letting her skip a year if you are comparing the 2 school systems. And she is behind here!

I guess I am getting frustrated with the fact that my husband is so against holding her back that he won't even listen to what I have to say. I just wish that he could say "You know, I disagree with this, but I trust you enough to let you take the lead." I wish I could hear him say that. I have stayed at home with her her entire life - trust me enough to make this decision. Don't discount what I have to say.

talaniman

I don't see a problem since they can have your child tested for placement and you would have a good idea of her weaknesses and strengths. The bigger issue as I see it is the instability of home, as your trying to move but she may be in school when you do. Leaving friends and familiar surroundings can retard her progress more than a school curriculum can and with the social adjustments her class work can suffer a bit. Investigate thoroughly as I think more facts are really needed for a reasonable decision can be made and see how your daughter feels about moving away from friends and having to make new ones possibly in the middle of the year. I can't see how any decision can be made without a comprehensive placement test is done.

NowWhat

We really thought our house would sell fast. That we could move last summer before school starts - and we hope we can move this summer before school starts. We are actually moving closer to family - so I think that will help. We are kind of hanging out here alone - just us.
She seems fine with the move - excited because she won't be "the only cousin left in Ohio". (That really bugs her)

They do these tests all the time to gauge where she is at and according to the test she is registering at 8 months into kindergarten. Now these tests are done on the computer and no one is sitting with her to make sure she really focusing. Her teacher says she is always the first one back and doesn't think she really is appling herself when it comes to this test. So, she says it is really hard to judge the true level.
But, we know and have known that she is behind on her reading. We aren't blind to that. I just think the extra time we could give her to mature would be so much better for her.

J_9

Sweetie, you know what my thoughts are on this, as I held my girl back in kindergarten because she was not mature enough to progress. Now she is in 7th grade and a straight A student, never has to study to earn her A's.

I atttribute this to holding her in kindergarten an extra year to give her the chance to mature.

Yes, your daughter may "catch up" during the summer with tutors and all, but you know how hard playing "catch up" is. Will she enjoy her summer? No, it will be just like school and possibly making her resent studies and have a harder time and be more reluctant next year.

Your husband says "no do overs" well, you have some good advice so far, but to get your point across, pack his bags and put them on the porch for when he gets home. Tell him that if your daughter does not have a chance to "do over" then neither does he. It is a two-way street babydoll.

Another avenue to explore would be that you and your daughter go ahead and move in with family down south, leave hubby there to sell the house. That way there will be no argument about holding her back. It will just be a done deal. If he is against that then keep your realtor and you all move and sell the house empty. Many families do this all the time.

If he is against everything remind him that he made the decision to cheat and ruin your family it is your responsibility to make sure that your daughter is well taken care of and this includes her education.

Put your foot down and tell him that this is what is going to happen, he can either be with you on this or he can go back to his girly. It is well known that he has not made very wise decisions in the past, what makes him think he is making wise decisions now?

NowWhat

I think for us - this is a test. We have been doing really good with each other. Communicating and all. Now we have this issue that we are so different on - so how do we solve it? I don't want to go to war with him - but I don't want my daughter to suffer because I am tiptoeing around trying to avoid a fight. I want to be calm and rational. I just don't know how to do that!
I feel strongly about my view. He is confused because up until 3 weeks ago - we were on the same page. I was comfortable with my decision to send her on to 2nd grade. Now - I am not. And trying to talk to him when he has made up his mind is like talking to a brick wall.

J_9

Move to your new state and stay with relatives when school begins if the house is not sold. That way you both get your cake and get to eat it too.

She is not held back because of the deadlines imposed by that state and she gets to remain in first grade to give her a chance to mature a bit.

He can either go and let the realtors handle the sale of the house, or he can stay behind until it is sold.