[cuteseb]

Okay so I'm totally new to this and I have so many thing that I would love to talk about with someone so it would be great if I could, if there is actually someone out there that could actually help me for once, because I have always been the one that helps and I think now, it's my turn to be helped and.. okay so my ranting now, and I'll stop. Uhm I'm not some little girl that emo or anything, I'm eighteen and I just need to talk that's all. So if anyone is out there it would be great. :)

[Clough]

Hi, cuteseb!

If you post your concerns, there will be people who come along eventually. However, please do realize that this place doesn't work the same way that a chat room does. Not everyone can see what is being posted unless they actually happen to click on the question.

Thanks!

[Jake2008]

It would be helpful to respond to you, if you were more clear about what you need help with.

You have posted in 'Emotional Wellbeing', and you are welcome here to discuss any concerns you have.

Hope to hear from you again, with more information.

[cuteseb]

Oh okay wow I never thought anyone would even reply to this so that's great! :)
Clearly I'm new to this so uhm I really don't know what to say as in telling you what my problem is, cause I really don't know... uhm I guess I would say though is I'm in this block right now. Lol weird I know. Some people may know of a writers block but me I'm in a block with everything, and I can't seem to get out. Does that help?

[cuteseb]

Oh I just realized I could comment.. lol well you can read what I wrote above, sorry I have no idea what do to on this website yet.

[cuteseb]

Lol in one word, life.

[cuteseb]

Actually not even one word. Everything, my future, my friends, my family... okay so maybe it is just life.

[Jake2008]

I think everything gets stale from time to time. What used to be called, a rut. Same old same old. Life is predictable, no changes, same thing day in and day out.

If that's what you're getting at, I'd say most people get those 'blocks' as you call them, from time to time.

Can you identify how you came to be in this place? Is it a matter of where your own decisions have taken you, or is it more that you are influenced and expectations are more of others', upon you.

I have had jobs where things became very routine, and very monotenous. Felt like a monkey doing the same old tricks, day in and day out. That produces lethargy, and for most of us, it isn't something you can just drop, and eventually the emptiness you feel in one part of your life, leads you to think about the emptiness of other parts of your life. Eventually, sometimes just one thing, can make everything have the same dull meaning.

So for you, if I'm in the ballpark here at all, can you narrow down when the block hit, or was it gradual thing? How is it affecting your life as far as work/school, friends, parents, general enjoyment of life. Has this caused you to lose interest in what used to make you happy, and are there any developing or developed problems as a result such a alcohol abuse, poor work performance, losses of any kind?

[cuteseb]

Yeah I think the block really hit me when I was accepted into the university I really wanted to go. And then after time I just lost everything. I don't know actually if that's the reason. Well now I have to take this year off and work and apply next year so that really sucked for me. But then I started thinking maybe it's a "sign" or whatever cause my dream is to be an actress so maybe this was meant to be and maybe I should go into something else.. bull right? I know, but I try to give myself reasons that I can't find and so yeah lately I have lost interest in everything. I tried and believe me when I say I tried talking to my family but they.. that's another story... but I lost interest in my family. I lost interest in my friends, they always ask me to go out but I say no. I lost interest in guys, and believe me I but such a flirt and now I'm nothing. I love to write I finished my first book awhile ago but I lost interest in writing my second book. And life I just lost interest... I have no idea what to do, how to get out of this block, yeah I'm scared and alone. I've never been this way before.

[Jake2008]

I think you meant when you weren't accepted to the University you really wanted to go to. Being so, that would have been a disappointment, and a huge one. What that really meant was an entire new life. Leaving home, and all things familiar, and starting a life somewhere else. New surroundings, new friends, new experiences. To be prepared for that transition, and then to lose the opportunity, takes away your independence, and leaves you where you were.

Also by not going, you have had, and continue to have time, to think about what could have been. That can be dpressing, particularly because the 'what could have been' thoughts, are probably a better alternative compared to where you are now, which isn't where you want to be. I hope you don't rule out planning to go next year. Nothing is ever lost on an education.

If your dream is to become an actress, keep that dream. You can study arts at college, or you can join clubs and associations. It is premature to give up on a dream that you have not investigated yet. You may find that by the time you get to college, local theatre is enough and you are satisfied with that, and you may find that University offers you far more dreams, in addition to, acting. You don't have to give up any dreams. A friend of mine was a natural, talented musician, but was forced to give up music at University because his father made the decisions about his education, which in turn affected his entire life. He had no options, and wasn't allowed to live his dream in any way. You are lucky you have that opportunity to pursue if you choose to.

Be careful to keep track of signs of depression. When life is becoming unmanageable, and you are seeing that everyday life starts to get smaller and smaller, you may want to consider that you could be clinically depressed, which of course needs a professional diagnoses, and treatment. Having the blues is not the same. Being bummed out for a couple of weeks, is a temporary, natural reaction that does not alter your life, or your enjoyment of it, for a long period. Being clinically depressed is a medical condition, just like any other medical condition. It does not even necessarily have to be 'causal' in that something specific triggered it. It may be something that has never before been diagnosed. Just a thought.

That you sound like you have isolated yourself, or become isolated from what used to be (I presume), normal everyday enjoyment of social activities, dating, and writing etc. are signs of depression. Whether this has been recent, or going on for a long time (even before the disappointment of not going to University), is also something to consider when deciding to get help, or not. A drastic change in thinking and behaviour are also clues that this may be more than just 'the blues'.

What you need to do, is extend what you are already doing, which is trying to figure out, why you are experiencing this block. If the normal ups and downs of life are not being resolved by talking to a girlfriend, or your parents, etc. and this place you are in is is feeling out of your control, it is important to talk to someone about it, and work through all possible causes. Much can be resolved in what is called 'talk therapies' such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), which works to identify problems, and learn actual tools to manage, overcome, and change thinking and behaviours, in a direct way. It does not involve years of psychotherapy or other more traditional therapies that people think of. That is one route to take, and another is discussing this with your Doctor, who may refer you for assessment of possible depression.

One more thing that jumped out at me was that, you are a nurturing, helpful person- to others. Feeling like it is now your turn to be helped, which is perfectly legitimate in my opinion. If you have the ability to recognize and help others, you need to use those skills, to help yourself. Start with the famiy Doctor, and ask for a referral for assessment, and/or counselling. What could happen if you don't take that step is, you may very well stay in this place you are right now, and miss an opportunity to get your life back on track. Medical help, in whatever forom it takes, is of course, optional and you are in control. The only conundrum here is that the way you are feeling, can preclude taking that step, because of the way you are feeling.

So what do you think, worth a shot to see your Doctor?

[cuteseb]

See a doctor about this... well that terrifies me. I can't talk to people. I don't know why, I just cant. That's why I resorted to this. Cause I'm not really talking to you am I? Its over the web, I love to write that's what I do. I keep journals and recently I just needed advice. I needed someone to talk to me. But a doctor no that scares me. I'm pathetic for it but since I was a kid I have never had the chance to talk to someone about my feelings, I was always the one that was listening, no one listened to me, so its weird and all new for me. Thank you really, cause I think you know exactly what your talking about and I can understand, so thank you. Honestly, its just I need time I guess. I need a hand pulling me out.

[Jake2008]

I do unerstand your reluctance. I was recently terrified to have to go for a mamogram, and then wait for the results. Luckily, there is no cancer, and the difference between not knowing, and knowing, was like night and day. But, I personally see any mental health issues, or potential mental health issues, no differently, as far as getting to the problem, and dealing with it.

A big, huge plus for you, is that you keep journals, which I do a well. It is helpful in the long term, if you can look back at earlier entries, and see that things are better, or that things are not improving. A good thermometor on what is happening to you, personally.

I don't presume to know why you are so reluctant to speak to a counsellor. You are actually 'talking' to one, right now. What is missing in this type of venue, is the most important part of any healing process, and that is, direct human contact, which can be the most important element of all.

Maybe you will post more, and possibly narrow down key points that you yourself have identified, as being part, or parts of the problems you are facing now.

While we are anonymous, I've been here long enough to say that many like myself, are here voluntarily, because this untapped area of the helping profession, can be the catalyst for change. But only so much can come of advice and guidance in an online community.

I'll keep an eye for posts you have, and in the meanwhile, keep writing- that sounds like a very strong talent you have, and use that to further consider all aspects as to why you are facing this 'block'.

[cuteseb]

Your right, I don't have that thing that everyone else does: human contact. Its weird for me and I don't know why. Its just so awkward for me. What does that mean? Am I lacking something? Haha it sounds so weird to say this. How can a human lack human contact. Weird right? And the only difference in writing in my journal and talking to you is that your actually talking back to me, which really is great. And yes writing is a huge part of my life. I want to be an editor and author. I love to write and read, that's my talent. So I live in that you know, my reality sucks but when I write it disappears.

[Jake2008]

I didn't get the idea that lack of human contact was the norm for you. That is the difference between what is normal, everyday life for you, and maybe what is lacking now.

If you were a naturally shy, introverted type of person, who has great difficulty communicating with people, and always have, that is one thing. But, if this lack of human contact for you is not how you usually are, but instead prefer to be, or have become by choice, that may be something to think about.

It isn't weird or strange for anybody to want to escape the human race- temporarily. It does the soul good I think, to take personal time to reflect and re-group. Much like a well deserved holiday, away from it all. But, what becomes problematic, is adjusting to solidarity, by choice, and staying there.

That brings us back to something that is temporary, and something that has become more long term, and life changing. If it is the latter, and a deviation from what your 'normal' used to be, I still think it is a good idea to investigate the reasons for it.

[cuteseb]

Oh okay, that seems reasonable. And just now I got asked out on a date and I'm totally freaking out which before was NOT like. I don't know why but its like everything has changed. I don't even know who I am anymore, let alone back then. Maybe I'm not explaining myself more clearly, like only if you could read my journal then maybe you'd understand. Clearly I don't know, I don't know anything anymore. I thought I had life figured out and now I don't even know if I'm living. Time goes back so fast and I can't even catch my breath. And recently I didn't mention it I've been so sick, so many tests and no one can figure out what's wrong with me. Its annoying. But I don't think that has anything to do with how I'm feeling emotionally. I just want to get back to the person I used to be. Laughing, strong, healthy, flirty, determined girl. Where did she go?

[Jake2008]

When you are feeling down emotionally, that affects your physical body. You don't eat the same, sleep as well, have the same energy. When you are pysically ill, that affects how you feel emotionally. The two are not unrelated in overall health.

If you are not physically ill medically, maybe the emotional side is contributing somehow to the other symptoms you are having. As we talked about before, any symptoms, emotionally or otherwise, that directly affect your life in negative ways, over a long period, needs to be addressed. That you have ruled out what sounds like the physical side of things, I can only suggest that you reconsider having a talk to your Doctor about what you have said here, as to the 'block' thoughts and symptoms.

I hope that you accepted the date invitation! It might be good therapy in itself to get out and have some fun. I don't think most of us have enough of that to balance out our lives

I really wish you well, and hope that you will get back to your normal level of energy and enjoyment of life. Just remember to keep a good eye on things, and not be afraid to seek counselling if you think it could help.

All the best to you.

[cuteseb]

Well the date it go well, and I did start to feel like myself. Which really did surprise me :)
So thank you so much for talking to me and giving me advice. Thank you, it meant a lot to me.
Take care! <3

[Jake2008]

Good for you!

Very happy that you are not too far away from your old self.

Awesome that you went on the date, and had a great time.

Take good care of yourself.

[eokhuijzen]

I am a therapist and can not give you licensed advice since you are not my patient. However, your "block" of not wanting to do anything you used to want to do or have contact is a strong signal of depression. Start seeing a therapist. Trust me, it will help! Depression dosen't just mean to be sad. It can also mean that you are just struggling with bordem of the daily life.