It is too late for any of the neutral meeting ground tactics. I am not sure how much good they do anyhow. In some ways, I am surprised she is playing much at all. Most dogs, especially females, don't play much with other dogs after about 3 years old. As the younger male matures, it will be a big help if they are all altered.
Having a good pack structure reduces such problems. The dogs see all the
people and dogs in the household as a pack with each having their own rank in
the pack and a top dog. Life is much easier if the 2 legged pack members
outrank the 4 legged ones. You can learn to play the role of top dog by
reading some books or going to a good obedience class. A good obedience class
or book is about you being top dog, not about rewarding standard commands with
a treat. Start at
http://www.dogsbestfriend.com/. If the top dog insists on everybody getting along, they have little choice. If the older male chooses not to play with her, that is his business. He does need to tolerate her. He should be allowed to snap at her if she tries to get him to play if he isn't interested. However, it should be limited to a quick snap. She may need to learn wrolf means go away.
We are working now at teaching 2 month old Nita to leave 12 year old Aster alone.
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