Check out some similar questions!

sad but true · Apr 18, 2007, 02:03 AM

Ok. This is my situation, I've known this guy for 16 years now, we are very much attracted to one another, always have been, event to this day. He tried to get with me three times in the past. He is now in relationship with the same woman for 16 years, married for 12 years, 5 sons later, but not happy with the woman he married. To my knowledge there was mutual cheating, he caught her first so he felt he needed to get even with her and cheated back since then they lost trust and respect towards one another and their marriage is slowly falling to pieces. I saw him about 2 weeks ago and instantly there were sparks flying, I know the feelings are mutual, there's just that connection between us. We got into a heavy conversation about how we both wanted each other when we were younger. He told me that his feelings haven't changed for me and that he would divorce his wife in seconds if I could be committed to him without a doubt, I did tell him that I would consider providing that he was officially divorced, the response I got to that was would I consider marriage for life, I was speechless. I desperately want to be intimately involved with him right now but I know its wrong. I do have his number and he has both my home and cell numbers, which he calls me every other day and we talk during the time his wife is away, he keeps wanting to come over or meet me places but I have been successfully refusing! I am so close to giving in to him at this point. I just can't get him out of my head. I think about him all the time, he so turns me on and I have never felt this way about any man in my life. What should I do? Do you think there is hope for us? Is he just playing me?

Parajr · Apr 18, 2007, 02:34 AM

I don't know your situation, but I can tell you this. You may satify some primal urge within yourself by folllowing through with this but in the end you are going to cause pain. Pain probably like you have never felt before. I assume that you are not married, so that moves the pain to three. If it was just sex that would be different. I get the felling that you want more than that. If both of you are truly into each other for more than sex this can become really complicated. When you hurt someone you love in an attempt to not hurt someone else that you love you are in a situation that you should not have been in. The bottom line is it never ends good. I'm sure there will be times insied of this that you would not change for the world, but in the end the pain will be too much. Rate if this was helpful.

EnglishRose · Apr 18, 2007, 02:55 AM

I can't tell you whether this man has true feelings for you, nobody can but I think you are right to be wary. He has already proven that he is willing to cheat on his wife without leaving her so I would not kid yourself that he will be unable to do this again. I know that saying no can be hard but you really need to stand your ground. You should let him know that until he has left his wife (And I mean moved out and at least started divorce proceedings) you will be his friend and nothing more. If he really wants to be with you then he will leave her. This may take time but if it was meant to be then it will. Don't engage in an affaire. It is demeaning to you and his wife, reagrdless of her own infidelities. Also you need to be certain before you ask him to do this, that he really is the one. As the Cat dolls once put it "if it ain't love then it just ain't worth breaking up a happy home'. Please remember his kids in this.

NowWhat · Apr 18, 2007, 07:15 AM

I would NOT give in. He could be after you for the chase. I am not saying there aren't feelings - but have you ever noticed that we are more attracted to what we can't have? If he loves you like he is claiming - then he will ge a divorce and be with you.
Don't be another conquest - you will have your heart broken.
Don't let your emotional side take over the rational side that is telling you to hold off.

Emland · Apr 18, 2007, 07:24 AM

If you need a motivator to keep you from acting on impulse please think of his 5 children. Apparently neither he or his wife put them first, but perhaps you can think of them and prevent further turmoil in their lives.

I truly cannot understand the attraction to people who are proven liars and cheats. There is more to life than just sexual chemistry.

talaniman · Apr 18, 2007, 07:43 AM

Thank you for coming here BEFORE you jumped in with this fellow. I don't doubt your feelings for one minute, and am glad you are being cautious and wary. Good for you to look out for yourself. You must admit though he is saying the right things at the right times to draw you to him. But can you honestly say his actions match his words? Has he moved out? Has he told his wife he wants a divorce? If the answer is no, then that's the sign that he wants you on the side and wants to keep his marriage intact. He only calls you when he has the time and its never about anything but hooking up with you. Not a good sign of sincere feelings is it. Until his actions are more matching his words, you should leave him alone and let him deal with his own life, and that way you will not be influenced by the smooth words he feeds you to get with you. He is playing on the feelings you have for him and you should not let him. Again I applaud your thinking before acting. True we can't help who we love, but we can help what we do about it. Much luck to you.

princessandthepea · Apr 27, 2007, 01:03 AM

I read your story and I just wanted to agree with all the responses people have given. I myself have been in a very similar situation for the last year. I have been very interested in a married man, who I met a year ago, but I have made it very clear from the beginning that I would not pursue anything but platonic friendship whilst he remained married.

He was respectful and understanding of this, and two months ago - he left his wife of ten years. We still haven't been physical together, but we are in touch and agree there are still very strong feelings there - I feel he needs time to get over the break-up of his marriage, and so does he - so we're waiting. I still don't know if things will work out, but at least now they stand more of a chance.

Admittedly he and his wife have no children, and I don't think I would have been so interested if there were little ones involved, but if you two truly are meant to be together, then it is up to YOU to be the one who holds out. Make him understand that you are not affair material - if he wants you he has to do the hard yards.

Good luck sweetie :)