[matt58]

Me and my girlfriend are having a really hard time right now we have been dating for a year and a half and it is getting bad like I think we are both about fed up with each other which is hard because I am deeply in love with her and I feel she is with me. We recently split up because I messed up she is really jealous and I am a friendly person that bar tends and goes to school! I have gotten girls numbers just being friendly that I see everyday trying not to be rude and if they text me I would text them back nothing serious but I erase it because she would have a fit! She found out and we broke up for like a month. I found out that she was hanging out with dudes and I went nuts because we were supposed trying to work things out the whole time! She said she didn't do anything but she was trying not to want me and trying to make herself like other guys but couldn't!

We started dating again but now she still is talking to her ex, one of the guys she was trying to like again to get over me! I questioned her and told her how I feel about it and she said it would stop again, not to mention this happened earlier in the relationship, and told me to look at the messages. They were harmless so I looked but after I looked at the phone bill and there was messages deleted I confronted her and she lied about it saying she didn't delete them! Then after she could not lie any more she said yeah but it was just him asking to hang out and she did because I would flip out if I saw it! But there was multiple ones deleted and if she wanted to work things out why would she delete what he wrote? I don't have an issue with what he does its what she would have wrote why would she hide that!

I don't know what to do she knows I don't like her talking to him! I am insecure about it one because my last relationship of over 4 years I was cheated on at least twice and 2 because she said its was the only other guy she loved but says now that they just known each other so long she wants him in her life! I know I have issues that I should just let her do whatever because if we love each other that's all that should matter but in last relationship I did and got cheated on twice and she would have still stayed if I didn't actively catch her again! I don't know what to do I love her so much! And know I have issues of my own but I just feel like empty and useless without her but don't want her to hurt me again

Any help I need it bad before I go crazy!

[Jake2008]

Maybe you should think outside the box a little bit here.

Love isn't jealousy, love isn't snooping on your girlfriends' cell phone, love isn't finding 'proof' of infidelity. Love isn't lying, playing games, or being insecure because you 'don't want to get hurt', particularly because you were hurt in the past. Love isn't not being able to trust completely, or having doubts about honesty.

Most of all 'love' isn't something that justifies bad behaviour.

Love is pretty much the oppositite of what you have now.

As long as the two of you keep re-defining 'love' to justify staying together, despite all that is piling up and pushing you apart, you will never find love.

Sometimes 'love' is just not enough. If the two of you, together, really want to do the very hard work of learning how to make a relationship work, get into couples counselling. Set some goals, define your needs, learn how to start with trust, and build a solid foundation.

Without a foundation, you will continue to each face brick walls, and they will keep piling up.

[talaniman]

You don't have a healthy loving caring relationship guy, and to be honest, your fears and insecurities, and especially the fear of another relationship failure has you miserable. A normal healthy guy would have let this one go, and moved on, yet you use love as an excuse to hold on. Why do you keep torturing yourself? How many promises does she have to break? How many more lies does she have to tell you?

[bootnelroy]

Ask her for advice... best to start talking or start walking