[theo_walcott]

The breakup happened almost two months ago. It's been pure agony since then. It's been pain for me.
I had been with my ex for almost a year when she told me she couldn't turn back anymore and she was too scarred by the hurt I caused her here and there due to my insensitivity. She say she doesn't love me anymore and we can no longer turn back. I was devastated and never felt like this before. The thing is I'm only 16 and this is my first love. I'm very lost up until now and I still want this relationship back. However I know its near impossible. It sucks to know she has moved on while I'm here everyday lonely, lost confused and disillusioned. I still want her back in my life and I'm kind of waiting to see if anything changes. But well I don't know what's wrong with me now. I feel so lonely and I don't really want to open up to others cause I'm scared and I don't want to give up on any glimmer of hope which could lead us back together. I'm so confused and everyday is pain, agony. I'm just sitting around, listless, still so hurt and I still want it so badly. My friends tell me to move on and let go but I don't know. I still want it but its almost near impossible. I feel like I lost my meaning in life and everyday seems to pass by aimlessly. Everyday has no more meaning I feel. I have tried to go out and indulge in myself it works for awhile then all these emotional stuff comes back to haunt me again. I haven't been sleeping well, my everything has deteriorated, even my studies. Another astounding thing is that when my grades were bad, I did not feel the pinch of anything. My life meaning is like gone. Maybe I'm exaggerating but I'm just so scared, and lost.

Any kind advice would be appreciated. I'm sorry if I sound weird sometimes..
Thanks
What should I do? Any advice?

[jamie Cart]

Hi theo (north London boy?)

Sorry to hear that mate, I know it sucks. Read my post, its not to disimilar to yours. Some of the replys may help you. Im 39 man and Im feeling the same as you. I know its hard, but you have to pick up the pieces and TRY and move on. Your young, get out with your mates and enjoy life. She may come back, by which time you may not want her. But for now, think of yourself and try and accept. I don't even know if I have yet, but Im trying.

Best of luck

[JBeaucaire]

Hey, they call it "first love" because there's always a second... and a third... and usually several after that.

I hope that doesn't frustrate you to think about. I hope it gives you something to look FORWARD to. Life is learning. Life is pain and joy. Both are required to appreciate them fully.

You learned a lot from dating this girl, didn't you? Since the breakup is done, and the pain is here, use the time you CAN'T stop thinking about it to at least think about the positive things you will take with you through life as a result.

You're better for having experienced this, including the breakup. Sice most relationships end for one reason or another, you WILL have to learn how to get through these times. There WILL be another breakup, so this is part of the cycle.

It will take many, many attempts with many girls before everything finally comes together "just right" for you and a girl to make a life-long commitment. Until then, this will be an exciting roller coaster. Embrace it all.

[hjpan]

I was in your shoes.... it's 2 months since the break up...

Guess what? I am now looking forward to technical school and earn 30k-50k/year

[talaniman]

That first love is a real heart breaker, but don't dwell to long as you'll miss what comes after. It gets better and you will learn how to deal with it.

For some good insights, and suggestions, click on the links in my signature, and let me know if it helps.

[bigbird213]

Its tough to feel like you do now. I have been there, almost everyone here has. Take comfort knowing you aren't the only one, and we have turned out okay, so will you.

One thing you need to think about is that the first step to getting better, getting over this, and feeling okay again is accepting that it is over. It sounds like you are still in the "denial" stages of this. You know what happened, you can think about it, but has the reality truly set in?

People tell you to get over it and you say "I don't know" -- this leads me to believe that you WANT to hang on and see if she comes back. You WANT to be available for her and WANT to be back together with her.

In time, things will get easier. You will begin to see clearly. Just a warning - it's a long, up and down road. Keep your head on straight and you'll come through it fine - trust me.

[goodkarma_1]

The breakup happened almost two months ago. it's been pure agony since then. it's been pain for me.
I had been with my ex for almost a year when she told me she couldn't turn back anymore and she was too scarred by the hurt i caused her here and there due to my insensitivity. She say she doesn't love me anymore and we can no longer turn back. i was devastated and never felt like this before. the thing is i'm only 16 and this is my first love. I'm very lost up til now and i still want this relationship back. however i know its near impossible. it sucks to know she has moved on while i'm here everyday lonely, lost confused and disillusioned. I still want her back in my life and i'm kind of waiting to see if anything changes. But well i don't know what's wrong with me now. I feel so lonely and i don't really wanna open up to others cause i'm scared and i don't want to give up on any glimmer of hope which could lead us back together. I'm so confused and everyday is pain, agony. I'm just sitting around, listless, still so hurt and i still want it so badly. my friends tell me to move on and let go but i don't know. i still want it but its almost near impossible. i feel like i lost my meaning in life and everyday seems to pass by aimlessly. everyday has no more meaning i feel. i have tried to go out and indulge in myself it works for awhile then all these emotional stuff comes back to haunt me again. i haven't been sleeping well, my everything has deteriorated, even my studies. another astounding thing is that when my grades were bad, i did not feel the pinch of anything. my life meaning is like gone. maybe i'm exaggerating but i'm just so scared, and lost.

Any kind advice would be appreciated. i'm sorry if i sound weird sometimes..
Thanks
What should i do? Any advice?

Hello there - I am so sorry you are going through this but do not feel alone.. I am going through all the emotions you are feeling right now. All of what you said and described is EXACTLY what I am feeling. I know the road ahead feels long and gloomy but know in your heart that one day you will be happy once again (I have to convince myself this every day). Its been 4 months for me after an 8yr relationship so you can imagine how much I feel right now, I understand. Things happen for a reason and people enter and leave your life for a reason. You may not see it now, but you will in the future- everything is a lesson to be learned and you will be a stronger person in the end. I wish I can help you feel better and take the pain away but only you can do that and in time it will. Believe and rest assure that if you two were meant to be together than love will find a way (as cliché as that sounds) and if not then there is someone else out there that will make you even more happy. Remember you have to close one door for another one to open... I hope this makes you feel a little better. Take care- goodkarma_1

[theo_walcott]

Hey everybody thank you for your answers. I really really really appreciate it. This seems to be my only way to let it out and I really thank you guys for taking your time out and giving your advice.

bigbird213: yes I admit I'm still in denial because I still really like her a lot and I don't want to let go. Guess I got to learn to accept.

One scary thing is that I think I put too much on the relationship and when it toppled, I feel like I lost my world, like I lost everything. And it's like I can't find the will to go on sometimes and life just goes on for the sake of it. That's something I'm so scared of. I never felt such agony before in my life, and its like I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm lost I guess. Everyday is so meaningless and I go through the paces in life for the sake of it. :(

[Romefalls19]

Theo, now you have learned from your mistakes in making someone a priority while you were just an option to them. Next time you're in a relationship, you know what you need to do. You're only 16, you have a lot more girls that are going to come and go. Enjoy these years because if you spend it caught up on one girl, you will miss out on a whole mess of fun things. Take it from me, life goes on, it gets better. You're going to fall, you will fall a lot, but just remember no matter how many times you fall, the only number is 1. That number is how many more times you have gotten up after that fall.

[bigbird213]

i feel like i lost my world, like i lost everything.

This is a common feeling.

This is why you NEVER put everything into anything because if that something is gone, your left with nothing.

Its not impossible to recover from, but it is a rough road. Just be sure that you learn the lesson, like Rome said, and don't make the same mistakes again.

[theo_walcott]

Hey guys. Thank you for all your responses..

Now something else which seems so dramatic is happening... sigh. She likes my best friend. They have been getting real close and stuff.

My best friend and I have been good friends for almost 3-4 years and I'm getting all down and sad again. What am I supposed to do?

[hjpan]

Hey guys. thank you for all your responses..

now something else which seems so dramatic is happening...sigh. she likes my best friend. They have been getting real close and stuff.

My best friend and i have been good friends for almost 3-4 years and i'm getting all down and sad again. what am i supposed to do?

Tell your best friend to lay his hands off her.

Have him pick your friendship or the cut between her legs.

[theo_walcott]

Hey. I appreciate if you didn't put it so crudely hjpan. That's abit far off about the cut part.

Well I'm thinking she ain't mine anyway right?

[ISneezeFunny]

Yes, it's true... she is now "free"... but if your best friend actually respects you and your friendship, then he'll back off.

If he really likes her, then he'll at least wait for a little bit, and then come talk to you about it... in the very least.

If not, then... I suggest you find a new friend.

Directly approaching your friend and confronting him may give off the vibe that you are questioning your friendship with him, so approach that part with caution.

[rockerchick_682]

It WILL get better, and soon, she'll be a thing of the past.

In the meantime, just LIVE! Do whatever you've always wanted to do. Focus on school, get a job, volunteer, get a membership at the gym- racketball, rock climbing. Anything to keep yourself busy.

[theo_walcott]

yes, it's true...she is now "free"...but if your best friend actually respects you and your friendship, then he'll back off.

if he really likes her, then he'll at least wait for a little bit, and then come talk to you about it...in the very least.

if not, then...I suggest you find a new friend.

Directly approaching your friend and confronting him may give off the vibe that you are questioning your friendship with him, so approach that part with caution.

Yeah this is what I'm thinking. I talked to him about it before but I can't say it properly. I don't know man. I think its just rather insensitive of both of them.
This best friend of mine is really a great friend. Since I broke up he called me everyday to check whether I'm OK and always tries to go that extra mile to make me feel better. But now I don't know what's happening. I know they are just getting along real great and my ex likes him. Yeah. He tells me he still doesn't like her. I feel like asking him to back off, but it's like not my call. I don't want to spoil something which may be happening for them too. Yeah. That's why I'm so confused. And I think I shouldn't be telling him things like that. Because if he really cared about me he wouldn't have gone out with her and all these stuff. Yeah

[ISneezeFunny]

Yeah, I suggest you just back off, and concentrate on yourself right now. Whatever you say to your friend or your ex has a very high chance of ruining things with that person. Right now, just ignore the ex, try to get your mind off it, and broaden your horizons by hanging out with friends.

[theo_walcott]

It WILL get better, and soon, she'll be a thing of the past.

In the meantime, just LIVE! Do whatever you've always wanted to do. Focus on school, get a job, volunteer, get a membership at the gym- racketball, rock climbing. Anything to keep yourself busy.

I'm really trying to do this. But it's like every time I try I can't concentrate. I feel my mind is still somewhere else.

I believe I was recovering a little then this small thing comes up about she like my best friend.

[Andrew916]

We're all afraid to let go but it's something we must do and the sooner- the better- for all of us. Me and my girlfriend (my first true love) separated last Sunday- the day after our anniversary , mind you. I was crushed and felt just how you feel now. Maybe I moved on quicker than most- but I already have another date lined up with a very nice girl I met. We all WILL move on it's just a matter of WHEN. And that is entirely up to you! The sooner you realize this the better! What you feel is absolutely normal- I don't cry and I was breaking down and sobbing quicker. One morning I just woke up and realized the world still turns when I'm not with her and the sunrise is more beautiful than ever! Take comfort in the knowledge that it will get better and you WILL fond another someone! I'm 17 and I know this! It's important to know that life will get better and you'll get better. Young love happens fast-goes fast-and (unfortunately) dies pretty fast (in most cases). You're going through one of many phases in life- this just happens to a painful one- this is an important lesson. Don't waste it... hang in there

[Andrew916]

yes, it's true...she is now "free"...but if your best friend actually respects you and your friendship, then he'll back off.

if he really likes her, then he'll at least wait for a little bit, and then come talk to you about it...in the very least.

if not, then...I suggest you find a new friend.

Directly approaching your friend and confronting him may give off the vibe that you are questioning your friendship with him, so approach that part with caution.

Oh man did I havean experience with this kind of situation! I met my last girlfriend (Sam) her senior year (my junior). I'm in a band and my rhythm guitarist (I'm Lead) is shane. Apparently- before I knew any of them- they had gone out (and ended it very badly). None of my friends- who did know- bothered to tell me because they assumed I knew... I always wondered why shane acted so strange when he saw me and sam together- I soon found out and I was taken aback. Don't think that this affected our relationship but it was definitely strange.

What part are you more upset by- the fact that he would go out with her or that she would go out with him. Honestly iu would be relieved if one of my friends went out with Sam that way I know she won't be dating some big A$$hole. Just as long as there is no real PDA between them and in front of me- that would be bed times and cause to be upset.