I have slowly allowed my dog to be more like a human than a dog. He sleeps in my bed, under the covers with me. He follows me wherever I go and lately, he's underfoot and I've tripped on him. (He's only 1 foot tall at the shoulder). He sits with me on the sofa and pushes into me so we are touching at all times. (Wow, this sounds creepy, but it's not, I swear!)... The trouble is, I have a new boyfriend and want to introduce the dog, but I'm afraid I've created a monster (or a dog who thinks he's human. As a teacher, I'm embarrassed that I've raised the equivalent of a needy child (and they are seriously NOT CUTE!)...

How do I begin to set parameters and teach him to be a respectful dog! When I go to this guy's place with my dog, I don't want my dog to be jumping on his furniture and I need my dog to get used to sleeping on a dog bed again. Dog trainers, please help! I love this dog so much, but it appears, I've raised him to be a bit spoiled and needy in the process. He is damn cute though... See, there I go making excuses for him and for me!

I had a little chuckle at your post! Very cute. I've made these mistakes, and lots of other people have too!

To start with, you're going to want to stop letting him on your couch and bed. This is where humans sit, not dogs. If he is following you around when you go to the bathroom, bedroom, kitchens etc... ask him to sit and wait in a designated area with a pet bed or his blanket, (this will take some work, a long stay while you are out of site is one of the hardest commands to teach and master). Start by turning the corner and counting to 3 and come back and praise like mad if he hasn't moved. Each time increasing the time you are away until you are comfortable doing short tasks while he is in stay. A bone or a chew toy left on the pillow are also great distractions.

Protocol's for relaxation are great ways to put you in the alpha role and your dog not so anxious when you aren't around. Make him sit before giving him his dinner, make him sit at the door before going outside, make him sit in front of you to be petted, make him sit before giving him his toy. If you normally leave food out for him all the time, stop. Go to a twice daily feeding and you decide what time of day he'll be fed. Make him sit for his dinner. If he won't obey the command – no dinner. Walk away and ignore him. Bring the food out later and tell him again to SIT. If he understands the command, don't tell him more than once. He heard you the first time. Give commands from a standing position and use a deep, firm tone of voice. This is just setting your dog's mind at ease as you are giving him a task to concentrate on. It's tedious but does have very high success rates.

Practice being alpha. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Walk tall. Practice using a new tone of voice, one that's deep and firm. Don't ask your dog to do something – tell him. There's a difference. He knows the difference, too! Remember that, as alpha, you're entitled to make the rules and give the orders. Your dog understands that instinctively.

Natural leaders and social climbers aren't going to want to give up their alpha position. Your sudden change in behavior is going to shock and threaten them. Your dog might act even more aggressively than before. An alpha dog will instinctively respond to challenges to his authority.

An alpha dog already knows that he can beat you in a physical fight so returning his aggression with violence of your own won't work. Until you've successfully established your position as alpha, corrections like hitting, shaking, or using the “rollover” techniques described in some books will not work and can be downright dangerous to you. An alpha dog will respond to these methods with violence and you could be seriously hurt.

You're smarter than he is and you can out think him. You'll also need to be stubborner than he is. Alpha dogs are used to being fussed over. In a real dog pack, subordinate dogs are forever touching, licking and grooming the alpha dog. It's a show of respect and submission. For now, until his attitude has shown improvement, cut down on the amount of cuddling your dog gets. When he wants attention, make him SIT first, give him a few kind words and pats, then stop. Go back to whatever it was you were doing and ignore him. If he pesters you, tell him NO! In a firm voice and ignore him some more. Pet him when you want to, not just because he wants you to. Also, for the time being, don't get down on the floor or on your knees to pet your dog. That, too, is a show of submission. Give praise, petting and rewards from a position that's higher than the dog.

I am a Professional Pet Care & Behavior Specialist with pawfectpetservices.com and I understand that some of the boundaries that you have set previously for a life with just you and your dog may be different than the boundaries you choose to set with a new person in your life. First of all, you need to establish how you wish you to lead a life with your dog with another person involved. And it is up to each individual to decide this with their dog so I would ask the new person in your life what they are comfortable with and what they can and can't live with.

Also I must point out the large amount of scientific training data that discounts the alpha and dominance theories of dog training. Packs of wolves and dogs that live together function in packs much like families. There is no struggle and fight for top dog position. This is not to say that you cannot set boundaries like you would for any relationship in your life.

Secondly there are things you can do to lesson neediness, such as not giving into your dog every time they ask for attention, allowing them on furniture when invited. Personally I love to snuggle with my dogs and they do sleep with me. And the person that wants to share a life with me must accept this. I love sleeping with my dogs and as long as there are no behavior problems associated with it. I do not see a problem with it. There are many health benefits to having a dog physically close to you.

And I would say your dog will find it hard to understand if you allowed them to do this at one time and then all of a sudden change your mind and ask them to sleep on the floor. Dogs and people don't miss what they don't know. But you can start by getting them a nice bed and making it a wonderful place they WANT to go to by tossing treats on there and spending time with them while they're relaxing there. Even sitting on their bed with them. Give them treats and bones here and help them to realize what a cool space it is for them. And you have to stop allowing them on the bed and leading them to their bed if that is what you decide is best.

My best advice is be kind but firm. Dogs like kids want boundaries but you can set them without feeling like a dictator. Decide what boundaries you want and stick with them. If you waver, it will be confusing for your dog.

I also offer phone consults if you want a more detailed or customized plan for you, your beau and your pup!

Good luck!

Kelley McAtee
PAWfect Pet Services
[email protected]