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SoSad · Apr 19, 2007, 03:14 AM

I have been marred for 20 years been together for 26. About year ago my wife said that she wanted to separate. Well we did about 8 mo later. I stayed home and took care of our 16yr old son. At that time a ask her if there was someone else she said no. Well about 2mo later I found out she was seeing and old friend of mine from high school. He had call me and we would go play golf. Well she started talking to him a lot and then I found out that she had feelings for him. Well she said no his just a friend. Well my wife has PTSD and has for about 10 12 years, after her brother was killed, that's when I found out he had raped her when she was 12. She has been jumping from Dr to Dr for about 8 yrs.
Is on very heavey duty drugs for deprestion. Well she move out and lives about an 1hr away I was keep in touch with her would stop in and see her about every weekend or so.
Well now I know I made a big mistake my going to see her so much. I was sure she was keeping in touch with this guy, but she kept saying no. Well about a week ago I was snooping in her email HO dumb me I found a letter she had typed to him the day before
Telling him how much she missed him and counldn't waite to here his voice. And how she should have devorice me 2 years ago. Is this just something she needs to do to get over her pain from her brother? Should I waite it out or what she keeps saying that she going to file but she dosen't. I ask her about it and she has a breakdown and can't handle it.
I have confronted my friend and he said no nothing and wouldn't said his on my side and trying to help?? what to do?

Bluerose · Apr 19, 2007, 05:56 AM

SoSad,

Sorry, wish I had a magic wand but I don't.

It sounds like it is over.

I experienced something the same... Married twenty years to an angel of a man who took care of me while I work through lots of stuff in my twenties.

Over the years we had in one way or another both been to hell and back. One day we realised that we weren't doing much for each other anymore and decided to get a divorce before the hate set in. We are both glad about that decision, and we are very good friends. I love him, I'm just not in love with him.

I wonder if you two might be able to work out something like that. I never had another serious relationship. Decided to spend my time helping my children take care of their children instead. He has been married and divorced and engaged twice since we broke up. I'm okay with that.

I hope this makes sense.. Your wife may have finally learned to deal with the trauma she experienced all those years ago... Like I did. In coming through something like that we almost become like different people.. Perhaps we actually become the people we should have been without the traumatic events. We are not the victim anymore. It might just be that your wife feels like I did... Like she had just woke up from a long dream and was now ready to live it up a little. Please don't let anything I say offend you. Your story is simply so similar to my own. The fact that she hesitates to sign the documents tells me that she does love you but she wants to see what it feels like to be her new self.

vlee · Apr 19, 2007, 06:15 AM

I think you need to let her go. In your present situation, no one's needs are being met. If she hasn't filed, you can. It is best for you to move on with your life. You have already waited a long time to see what the outcome will be, and to no avail. I don't know too many men who would be as patient as you have been and would not have nasty things to say about their spouse if they were in your shoes. I applaud you for your maturity, but now it is time to live for yourself. Can you honestly imagine spending the rest of your life like this? You deserve a partner, and if she is unable to be that for you, say goodbye and look for someone who can.