My wife was cheating on me before we got married
Asked Jan 3, 2010, 08:14 PM
Hi askmehelpdesk... hi everyone,
A little help. My wife and I've been married for about 2years and we have a one year old son.
Life is good. Its great to be a father. Its just... I sort of have a problem trusting my wife.
When we were just still dating I introduced her to a good friend of mine (actually I thought of him as one of my BEST FRIENDS at that time). They really got along... maybe too much. Since my friend was living with me and she would always come over to our place, all three of us spent time together a lot. They were getting more and more touchy and she would talk to him more than she did to me... seemed like she was enjoying her time that she spent with him more... it really bothered me.
During the same time my parents were going through a lot. My father lost his job and we had a lot of debt on top of that. My father declared bankruptcy and my mother who never worked before started working 12hr shifts. With little money we could gather from our relatives, my mother then started a little tiny restaurant. She told me that this way we would at least have some food to eat. I soon quit my job and helped my mother, since she was all alone running the restaurant literally over 14hrs a day.
So with all that it really effected our relationship. We were on and off... breaking up and making up. And I knew she was stressed out about how busy I was trying to support my parents. I wasn't able to spend a lot of time with her, but I did show her love. But I saw my friend and her getting closer. It almost looked like she came over to see him and not me. And she would bring in little something for him all the time... like a box of smokes since he was a smoker.
I finally confronted her and she only confessed that they did hold hands and all, but nothing beyond that.. . hold hands and nothing beyond that? Kind of shady... would this count as "cheating" already? Well, so I got pissed when I heard that so I went to see my friend and made him spill everything. Good I did that because I found out that there was another guy who was also my friend who was messing with my girl.
Apparently, they were playing this little game of "who can hit my girl first". Found out that my girls been out on a date with both of them. Hanging around and messing around holding hands while I was busting my butt off helping my parents get out of their debt-hell.
Soon we broke up again. She blamed it on my family's situation... that she didn't see any bright future in me. Told me that she sees me working at my mothers tiny restaurant forever... being stuck.
All that said from her I was like okay, **** this girl. My family comes first.. . but I did still love her... I'm not going to lie.
But the most shocking news of them all came the day after our break up. She called me and told me that she was pregnant! But honestly, I wasn't sure if it was really MY kid. However, since those guys weren't around around the time she got pregnant I was able to believe that it was my kid. I secretively consulted a doctor. Told him everything and gave him the dates those guys were away. He calculated the days and everything and he came to a conclusion that the kid should be mine.
She was happy that she was pregnant. She told me that she loved me and everything but... man... so much was happening and I was confused. I suspected her of cheating on me, she was not supportive, and she dumped me... and now shez back with a kid saying that she loves me... I decided to believe her. Plus she is holding my kid. I can't betray them. Never betray your blood. Now my job is to provide everything I can to this kid.
The kid is now 1 year old and he walks already. Cute little boy. Love him. Everything seemed to be going well until a few days ago... I found out that my wife's been talking to my friend secretively. I never talk to those two friends anymore. Cant trust them anymore, and my wife should very well know that I wouldn't want her to talk to them. Last night she thought I was asleep and I over heard my wife talking to that guy over the phone... talking about how she misses him and that she wants to see him. This morning I checked her cell phone (for the first time) and I saw bunch of messages under the guys name. I didn't have time to open and read any of them since she woke up, but I now definitely know that they kept in touch... I don't know what to think. Should I let this one pass? Should I have doubted her more back then when it first happened? Am I too late to dig up her past and ask for a divorce? Even if nothing is happening between them anymore, and its more of a friend thing... I keep on thinking about what happened back then. I mean come on.. they used to "hold hands"... isn't that already bad enough? And I seriously doubt that nothing happened beyond that. Even if she really loves me now and she's never thinking of cheating on me... should I forgive her? If it really did end with just holding hands, would I be over reacting? Would you guys forgive your girlfriend/boyfriend if you caught him/her holding hands with somebody else? Would you trust them that nothing happened beyond that?. gosh... headache headache