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We each had one of the children after our divorce and then my youngest decided she wanted to live with her dad and my other daughter. I disagreed and she moved anyway. Now I am faced with proving why I should have the custody back the way it was. My oldest is calling my late at night and calling me at work demanding to know why I won't leave them alone. Their father has discussed me in a negitive light and left modification requests out where the can read them. I feel like I am having to fight them all and they all hate me. I want to give up. Help!!
Not to ignore the obvious, but maybe they're just happy with their dad. Maybe he's not doing anything to 'poison' them against you. They might well resent you for divorcing him, they do love him. They probably don't hate you, but they may well resent you for having chosen what you've chosen. That's a risk that everyone takes.
I agree with others. Leave the kids alone. They obvously want to live with their dad and they must be happy with thier dad. You did say that YOU are the one that divorces thier father. For whatever the reason, fighting over custody at this age would back fire and your children will be even angrier with you. They already made the decision to live with their father. So now, what you need to do is be open to a relationship with your children at anytime. No matter how angry they may be you need to always show them and tell them that you love them. Eventually they will come around. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. I do not necessarily believe that your husband is saying bad things to them about you, although it does happen and could happen. What bad things do you think he will say, or is their any truth to what might be said? Are you worried about this?
Good luck with everything and I am sure everything will work out for everybody, just make sure you are always opened with your children.
In the US system of justice, at the ages the children are, the judge will take what they want ( yes they get to tell the judge and often in closed chambers) where they want to leave and about 90 percent of the time, unless one parent is dangerous that is where they get to live.
Now also it can be because he is not as strict, if he has more of the money and so on. You trying to force them to live with you if they do not want to will only push them away more and more. They are also old enough to be included in all of the court procedings, and should be told about any motion and case that invovles them, leaving court papers out, is no sin, actually they should be given copies and allowed to discuss them with both of you.
Settle the divorce if it is not settled, settle the property settlement and move on. Get the teens to visit you and spend time with you, and go on.
It may not be till they are 30 that they will come to understand more what happened.
When my wife left us, my kids ( one of them hers that I adopted) all stayed with me and did not have alot to do with her for several years.
But even after that they slowly got back with her and have a good relationship with her now. The more bridges you burn with them now, the harder it will be to get with them latter.
Even if you win a court case and drag them back to you kicking and screaming, have you really won anything ? They will just run off and go back, then you have a choice of calling the police on them or not.
This is a very natural reaction. Divorce and the accompanying breakup of the family is very confusing and frightening to a child. In your favor, it's generally very hard to get a custody order modified unless there are very compelling reasons for doing so. There's really not enough information in your post to guess whether or not your ex has a shot at getting the custody order modified on behalf of your youngest daughter. Talk to your attorney who handled your original divorce or, if more practical, hire a new one.
You all have some good points, however, since I am not a drug addict or partier or an alcoholic and I take good care of my children and am at home in the evenings to actually raise them they should not be taken from me. Yes it is documented that he is turning them against me, they wrote letters against me to the court while at his house and have told me what he said about me which is not true. We now have a family investigator assigned and I am glad.
One spouse turning children against another spouse is becoming a hot topic in the courts. And those who do it are starting to experience some serious consequences for it, at least where I live. It is understood by many professional now how incredibly damaging it is to children. It is not the same as fighting over the kids. It is the systematic disparaging of a spouse at all costs with the sole aim of eliminating that spouse from the kids' lives. I have seen it be bitter to the point of uncontrollable rage and physical violence while the kids are threatened and just fragmented beyond belief in the process. It is hard to imagine a parent willing to do this until you see it firsthand. If this is what it is, I encourage you to use every honest and legal method available to you to stop it. It is that bad.
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