[Marissa17]

Here's the long story short.. after being together for almost 2 years my boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago at the beginning of junior year of high school saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and needs a break. Now I realize we're still young and there's other people out there but if there's any hope of us ending up back together again then I want to try for it. We remained good friends and after a little bit of nagging on my part, I did give him space. Things started getting back to normal as if we were a couple again but out of the blue he asked out my friend's little sister, which has made things very awkward and even more upsetting for me.:confused: He never even admitted it to me himself, my friend was the one that told me. I feel like I was led on to some extent:mad: but anyway.. they've been together for a little over a month now but he's began showing me signs that he may still be interested in me. He turns around in class just to look at me and we just sit there in silence staring at each other, he compliments my hair and my clothes every day and instant messages me a lot online using the same flirty/cutesy lingo he used to. I think part of the reason he's begun doing this is because I was sort of playing hard to get and I was pretending to be happy as if it doesn't bother me anymore. Naturally, people want what they can't have. However, I do want to be there for him and help him out with homework and little things like that but at the same time I want him to miss what he had, because I was always there for him. His new girlfriend isn't really into him but she sticks around because of the novelty of dating an upperclassman. If I continue to be good to him I'm afraid he'll take advantage of me and I'll just get used and more hurt but if I'm not good to him then he might assume too much that I don't care about him anymore and he'll truly move on. Any advice on what should be considered a happy medium or how else I should be acting towards him? I'd appreciate it, thanks.

[ForeverZero]

Distance yourself. I wouldn't say no contact, mostly because you have classes together and things like that would be awkward (sp?). Continue to play hard to get. It's fun, and it usually causes them to want you back more. One thing you need to realize is that girlfriends like the ones he has now are probobly the best thing that could happen to you. Girls that suck (figuratively) are only going to make him realize what he lost.

Some things I would recommend to create distance would be like when he compliments your hair or clothes, I'd respond with "Your girlfriend wouldn't like you saying those things". Keep reminding him you're now off limits because of his relationship. I'd also stay away from homework help or things like that for the time being, you're only setting yourself up to be exploited. I'd also suggest you try dating other people as well, there's no guarantee he's not just leading you on to exploit you for whatever he can. You really should face the possibility that it's done and over with for real and you'll never get him back.

In fact, re-reading your post, I'd say face the more likely probobility that you're being exploited and he's just using you. A lot of his behavior is indicative that he just wants you as a backup plan in case what he's got going on now doesn't work out for him. Ask yourself the following question

Do I want to be somebody's door prize?

[s_cianci]

Keep on doing exactly what you've been doing. It seems like you've got his attention. You want to let him keep pursuing you. Don't be too available to him.

[Marissa17]

Thank you guys for your quick responses to my situation, it is good to hear an outsider's point of view. And to answer that question.. of course I don't want to be someone's "door prize", nobody deserves that kind of treatment. But at the same time, after two years together in high school.. which makes it feel even longer compared to the typical duration of a high school relationship.. I think it's natural for my ex to have an interest in someone else after being tied down for so long, just the attraction of someone new and different. If/when his relationship does not work out with her and he came back to me as his "backup plan", I probably would take him back in an instant. I do have a sense of self worth, I know I didn't do anything to deserve what he's done.. but I would try to use that "backup plan" status as a foundation to build a healthy relationship again. However, I wouldn't be afraid to walk away if things go wrong and I get taken for granted again... but that's all talking hypothetically. :rolleyes: For now, I will create more of a distance between us. I'll continue to talk to him only if he approaches me first and keep my replies short. If he wants to work together on an assignment or needs a favor I will politely say "No thanks, I'm busy". I'm gradually trying to face the likely reality that things will never go back to how they were and the best thing is that with the distance I'm creating, I can continue to heal while still leaving the possibilities open. Anyone else's input would be greatly appreciated.

[Nohitter410]

Yes no one is discounting those 2 years you had with them. High school relationships sometimes last but more times than not they don't. At the same time you don't want to stop your life for anyone especially at such a young age. You have 4 years of college still and you will meet many great people. There is no reason to do anything serious but at the same time you enjoyed the comfort he brought you.

Taking him back basically if and when he breaks up with this girl is completely unhealthy and as a woman you need to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that this guy can just screw around with another girl and make you wait until he is good and ready. No one deserves that and you are young and you need to find other guys or at least party with your friend and family and learn more about yourself. Don't be waiting for him because he doesn't deserve you.

[Skell]

Just to continue to go about your life and worry about what you are doing, and not him.

If you are pretending not to care then chances are he will see through it. Try and get to a point where it isn't an act. Try and get to a point where you truly are happy with out him.

It is hard but by keeping your distance from him and keeping yourself busy wit other aspects of your life then you will get there. Hang with your friends, join a gym and exercise, eat well, work hard at school. Throw yourself in to the various other aspects of your life and try to give yourself little or no time to even think about him and what he is up to.

Sounds like this other girl is just some rebound, but as is said that isn't your concern now.

It sounds to me as though he is keeping you right where he wants you as some back up plan. Well don't be that girl.
Your better than that!

If I were you I wouldn't be helping him with his homework or having any unnecessary contact with him what so ever. If you have to see him and talk to him in class then be polite and friendly but that's it! Nothing more.

As far as your concerned he has broken up with you and has a new girlfriend. It is close to impossible to maintain a friendship with an ex. I would strongly suggest against you even trying to have one. It will only end in more hurt for you.

So move on with your life and concentrate on what you can do for yourself and not what he is doing or thinking. He is in the past as far as you are concerned. Time to move forward!

Good luck!

[talaniman]

The fact that you can't accept this relationship being oer and moving on to bigger and better things is very disturbing. Also that you would take this guy back again, and give it another go is... CRAZY. Take this oppurtunity to move on and enjoy your life without him. Surely you can see what a waste of time it is to hope somebody quits his new g/f and comes back to you? You should be enjoying your freedom and having a great time being single. HELLO!

[Marissa17]

Disturbing? It's not like I want to feel that way. I have accepted that our relationship is over but I can't seem to get over what he's done since then. Personally, I think I'm done with relationships for a long time while I try to get my life back together. It's just hard to go to school everyday and see him with this new girl after we used to be so close. Now we hardly talk and usually the only times he approaches me is about working on homework over the phone (which I decline), as if that's all I'm good for anymore. I do want to move on and forget about him but we're in the same circle of friends, there are going to be times when he can't be avoided. Despite how much of an idiot he's been over the past few months, I do want him to be happy and he seems happy right now. I myself would probably be much happier if I didn't talk to him at all for a while and I'm wondering if I should just come right out to him and say that or just infer it by my actions.

[Nohitter410]

No reason to say it. If you have the same circle of friends does that mean him and his new girl always hang around you? You are going to see him and I am sure it is tough that he found someone else but no one is telling you to jump back into another relationship. You seem to understand what you want but need to stop worrying about what he is doing. It really has no effect on you. See what other guys are out there and have some excitement in doing that. You will notice there are other guys with great qualities.

[Skell]

I like your idea of being done with relationships for a while so you can sort yourself out.

Not that there is anything wrong with you, but it is always a good idea after a relationship break down to take some time to yourself and concentrate on getting your mind and body in a healthy state again. Rushing into another relationship doesn't allow this.

It doesn't mean though that you can't maybe date and have a good time. Just don't rush into anything with anyone.

In time your feelings will calm down. But the more you can try and stay away from him the better!

[Marissa17]

Thanks for the input guys. We're in the same circle of friends and since he and his new girl aren't in the same grade they only see each other in school during some lunches and after class, so I can usually avoid them when they're together and I go to great lengths to do so. He almost always sits with her and her friends at lunch rather than me and his other friends. It does still bother me when I catch a glimpse of them together since I see it so seldom, so I guess I'm just not used to it yet. However, he alone cannot be avoided since he is in some of my classes, I just try my best to pretend he's not there. When he does try to make conversation I've been keeping it short though I did slip up in history the other day. He told me he found my long lost scarf at his house and we started talking about the other things we still had of each others' and reminisced a bit. It seemed a little weird to me but not in a bad way. As for talking outside of school, I've gone out every night with friends this past week and haven't given myself any time to be online for him to possibly message me. Things slowly seem to be improving, I'm starting to look at colleges, and I'm getting a car and rejoining the gym once I do. I just hope my feelings don't relapse again..

[talaniman]

It must be hard to see him so much, but your doing great really and focusing on other things has to help. It will take time but you can do it. I hope you pick a good college and do well.