[cclo]

Im26 and single with a child and think I'm an OK person, all I have ever wanted is to be happy like everyone does and that to me means is me my daughter and a partner but all of the men I come across cheat on me.. and I just don't understand where I keep going wrong time and time again this happenes

[JBeaucaire]

Talk honestly about how you met your last 3 close boyfriends. Be specific about where, and why and what led you to keep dating.

[Devorameira]

That's a tough one to answer. Did your past relationships seem to have problems prior to the cheating (fighting, drinking, flirting, etc.)?

I'm sorry to hear that you have had multiple relationships that involved cheating. The only thing I can assuredly say is that there is never an excuse for cheating. People that cheat are cowards. If the men you were in a relationship with had a problem with you and wanted to go out with other women they should have had the balls to break up with you first. Don't blame yourself!

-------------------------------------------

“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.”

[cclo]

Its all a bit too much to write about all 3 so if I start with the latest 1 I meet him though my friend he was her boyfriends mate we meet in a club not the best place I know! Anyway we slept with each other that same night and from that day forward we saw each other and spoke most days

A couple of months later I was going on holiday my friend she told he was going but he didn't want me to know he was going as he wanted to surprise me so I went along with it 3 days in to this holiday he arrived I played it out like I never new a thing as I didn't want to upset him

When we all meet up I did feel like he wasn't all that happy to see me after a little while he was fine but felt like he was more intrested in sex anyway we slept together that night the next night he was the same again at this point I was very tired and upsett so I stormed of crying he came after me to find out why I was going I didn't tell him it was the way he was with me just made out like I was tired I went back to his hotel alone as I felt bad that we were on holday and didn't want to mess anything up

The next morning everything was OK until my friend had told me that he was seen with his ex I confronted him and said it was nothing I was very angry to cut a long story sort when I got home as he was still out there I questioned him about it all to have him admit that he had slept with her!!

When he got back to england he came stright to me to try and make better in the end I took him back giving him a second chance
But my trust in him has gone .after everything he went to jail for me to then find out he was having vistis from the same ex girlfriend who he cheated on me with!
I asked him why but he just says she was his friend and want to see how he was doing we didn't speak for a few months but I can't forget about everything that he had done

I asked him if he loves me and he told me he does not know but cares about me deeply and when he comes out we can make ago of things


The question really is does he really want to make ago of things? Or is he just have me on

[cclo]

All of this has got me so down that I question what am I doing wrong i.e like am I not pretty to fat I don't have a good enough job I don't know what I do that cause,s all of this

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry your looks or job has nothing to do with it. The TYPE of man you are picking is what the issue or problem is.

A few things,
1. going to bed the same night, well people who do that often will do it again given the right chance. Why not hold off at least 3 to 6 months before jumping in bed and estabish a real relationship first

[Devorameira]

FR_Chuck has the right idea. You're choosing the wrong type of man. Don't be so "easy" in a new relationship.

As I said before - cheaters are cowards and 90% of the time a man that cheats will continue to cheat. Consider yourself lucky to have found out about their bad behavior before you got into a serious long-term relationship or marriage.

Keep looking for Mr. Right.. you'll find him someday soon!

[ohsohappy]

You're probably picking the same kind of men, the ones that you think is "your type" like Chuck said, and they're not working for you.

Try thinking outside of the box, you might be surprised. Good luck!

[PRD44]

There are good men out there. I am one of them. I was engaged to a girl and I was always faithful to her. She wasn't faithful to me.

Relatioships are hard work some times. Get to know the person before you jump in the sack with him. If he doesn't want to stick around after waiting a few months before you start sleeping with him, he is probably a scumbag who just wants to take advantage of you and get you in the sack.

[redhed35]

Instead of picking one guy,date lots of guys,don't sleep with them.

Be picky about the type of qualities you want in a man.

As you get to know them,you can delete their numbers as you cross them of the list of men you see yourself with.

I know this seems very cold and calculated but it would seem to me you don't know what you want or can't see past the mills and boom story..

Enjoy the dates and the company by all means...

As for the current guy,he's not interested.. delete and move on!

[JBeaucaire]

If what you want is a guy who says things he doesn't mean in order to control, manipulate and then betray you, this is the guy for you. Keep trying to "work it out" with him.

The way you met him, bed him, then let him behave PROVED to this man that he is free to do as he pleases. Which he is.

But so are you. I hope your "freedom" comes in the form of a strong backbone and you can manage to walk away, regardless of your feelings. They have let you down.

As already stated above, if you want to find a guy who doesn't cheat, you'll have to find one in a place other than clubs where casual sex is the norm.

The best "mates" come from men you meet pursuing noble activities/hobbies/career. Men you meet, don't bed, and get to know over time as you work together in that shared activity. Spend time getting to know who they are... up to a year each.

A year is important because most men can't "fake nice" for that long. Everyone "fakes nice" when they first meet/court someone. You need to be around them consistently and long enough for their true nature to come out.

Any time during that year you realize you could never wake up to this person every day for the rest of your life, end it gracefully and move on. In fact this may be simplest of all if you simply "shelf" the girlfriend title and just date people to get to know them. No commitments or exclusivity until you've dated around casually from 3-4 guys you've met in better environments.

And remember, sex actually kills your chances for a decent relationship when included early in a relationship. Yes, I know abstinence is frustrating, but it can't be more frustrating than what you're going through already... it's a frustration that actually works FOR you instead of against you.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Great post JB, you hit the nail on the head. Instead of rushing into someone's bed and thinking it's the start of a relationship, enjoy your own life and share that happiness with others, while you take the time to get to know if the deserve to share your bed or not.

That first night sex stuff only fools you into something that's not real, or long term, and makes you feel awful when it doesn't work, and honestly, seldom works at all.

[cclo]

Thank you all for your replies much appreciated I think deep down I know what to do about this situation just can't help but think what if, mayb this could work in the end but still feel hurt for everything that he has done which has left me very depressed and down!

I don't want to be on my own but I have been really for a while as he has been in prison but to come out and say it that I can't do this anymore is very hard as I have done in the past but he always makes me feel like its over nothing and then I'm back at square one still in this joke of a realationship and feeling down

[redhed35]

thank you all for your replies much appreciated i think deep down i know what to do about this situation just can't help but think what if, mayb this could work in the end but still feel hurt for everything that he has done which has left me very depressed and down!

i dont want to be on my own but i have been really for a while as he has been in prison but to come out and say it that i can't do this anymore is very hard as i have done in the past but he always makes me feel like its over nothing and then im back at square one still in this joke of a realationship and feeling down

If your feeling this bad about the relationship,its time to get out..

If you think it's a joke,then it probably is..
What's the point in putting your time and energy into someone who does not want what your offering..

Save yourself the heartache, really,your better off on your own for a while then this crap.. dont you think so.

At least you can be good to you,and a happy you,will make a happy mother.

Being happy in your own skin shows and attracts happy people.

[excon]

Hello c:

In the market, there are buyers and sellers... Buyers want to buy, and sellers want to sell... But, when the two meet, the buyer can detect a desperate seller, and vice versa.

You're a desperate buyer and the sellers know it. If you're doing anything wrong, it's not fully valuing yourself. When you're out there with a 'I'm a pretty good catch' attitude, versus a 'please look at me' attitude, you'll have 'em eating out of your hand.

If you're NOT that way, fake it till you make it. What? You think you'll be the only one faking it?? Puleeze!

excon

[amicon]

It's a very bad joke of a relationship,please do yourself a favour and dump him. Then work on getting your selfrespect back.
Be happy single till a real man comes along.

[cclo]

Thank you for replying everyone I do feel a little more positve reading what you all have put as I do know that its all right at the same time embarrassed that I have allowed this to go on for so long I know my confidence and trust has been worn down to why I'm feeling so down,I've never told anyone just how much this man has hurt me and made me feel now I hope I have made a start by writing to you all about it and do the right thing for myself.

[amicon]

I think you have taken the first steps on the road to a new happy you. Keep going and keep posting here when you feel the need.
Take care.

[JBeaucaire]

Famous adage:

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten"

... time to change it up, isn't it! Onward and upward.