I have the first meeting with my attorney, my husband and his attorney soon. I learned in the preliminary meeting with my attorney that my husband is filing for custody, child support and alimony. The alimony is based on him saying that he does not have the income to maintain the home that he will retain since he runs an online business out of along with cash sales. I will retain a second home of near equal value. His business earns him approximately 30% more than he is stating due to the ease of hiding the cash sales. He has chosen to do this business for 10 years even though he has an MBA and also an engineering background. In my opinion he is a slack husband looking for an easy ride through life. I have worked two jobs to make ends meet and my income is about 40,000 more than what he claims.
He is also claiming that since he has been home daily with the kids (15 & 18) for ten years and I have worked long days and Saturdays that he should have custody along with support because he has raised them basically. He has at times been physically abusive toward my children (I had to get between them) and stop him from hitting them. He has constantly yelled at me until I was in tears, verbally abused, name calling and accused me of infidelity in front of my children. A control freak that just don't understand that no woman wants a man that shows zero respect for anyone.
Is it possible in Massachusetts that I may have to keep two jobs to pay him his wishes even though he has the MBA education, the earning capability and has in the past worked in upper management?
Scared and Nervous Responsible Mother, tired of taking care of a slack husband!
First several errors, just because he has a online business that means he needs a computer, not your main home, if you want to let him have that home great, but if not, you fight for the hosue you want, he can easily just connect a computer up in a hotel room and do a online business.
Next if he does a onlne business, there should or has to be a paper trial, credit card payments to a bank, paypal accounts, bank accounts where it depoists or cashes money orders, One thing for sure, it is not cash he is dealing in but checks, money orders and credit cards.
Next I will agrue that you worked two jobs to live a certain life style, not because you had to, you owned two homes, ?? that is of course not normal for most people just to start, he may have just followed a job he liked, and that is not always a bad thing.
I wll assume you have police reports of the abuse, so you can produce that as evidence. And of coure basicly it will really come down to who the kids say they want to live with, at 15 this child gets to say who he wants to live with and normally the courts will agree, at 18 they can stay with anyone they want, since they are a adult most likely a joint agreement as to both paying for the 18 year old college should be agreed on,
I agree with Fr_Chuck. One other thing to consider is his "earning potential". If he is underemployed essentially some states will look at what is actual potential is not what he chooses to earn. This actually happened to me with an ex. The children are old enough to choose who to live with.........and alimony is awarded in some states/not others. I would argue that you had to keep two jobs as he wouldn't seek work at him employable level. Your attorney should be pro-active. If he is just going to roll over you should consider a new attorney. Good luck.
I fully agree with both posters above, and you should reread their advice.
You need to have a serious talk with your attorney before you meet with your husband and his attorney. What do YOU want? Tell your attorney what YOU want. Screw your husband and his controlling behavior! You have finally managed to break away from someone you have described as an abuser. Be happy about that, grab and hold onto what you want to hold onto! Be in control of your situation and do not give him an inch. DO NOT let him intimidate you. Get angry. Find some fight in you. Push for what you want out of this. Pay him alimony? Tell your lawyer it will be a cold day in hell before you do that! You should not give a rat's behind what he is asking for. Ignore it. Sue him for all the things he is suing you for! Make it clear to your attorney what you want and tell him to do his job. That is what he is being paid for. He works for you. Start being a kick a$$ woman and take control of this situation before you end up losing custody of your 15 year old and all that you have worked for. Do you want your children to live with you? Then make it happen.
Ruby had a way for words tonight, and everyone of them true,
You need the meanest, most dirty fighting, most cheat them if they can, attorney you can find, divorce is a dirty fighting
And like she said, who cares what he wants, who cares if he wants this house or that house, you decide what you want, maybe both houses, go for it, make him fight for every penny.
LOL, Fr Chuck. I am actually trying to bite nc's butt a bit. nc0530, you need to find your backbone again! That is what I am trying to do here. Your writing tells me that you are a woman who has been pushed down and emotionally stepped on for years. He has made you doubt and second guess yourself. He has you convinced that you are going to lose in this divorce. You will NOT lose. You have just as much right to receive alimony as he feels he has. Probably more so. Especially if you retain custody of the kids. You keep your kids safe and keep them with you. You are a capable woman! You must be for you to juggle two jobs the way you have. Think about what you have achieved and accomplished for your family over the years. You need to get ANGRY, dig down deep, and financially kick him where the sun don't shine. Find the Oprah Winfrey in you and steamroll the guy! You CAN do it! If your attorney is allowing his attorney to dictate the rules, find yourself another attorney. Let your husband know his days of absolute power are over!
Well thanks for all of the comments. Actually went to the meeting with my attorney, my husband and his attorney. The result for the discovery period (90 days then in front of a judge for him to decide) is that he is the primary caregiver because he stays at home and makes his minimal income and that the 15 year cannot be left unsupervised. Since my income is double his income that he chooses to live with; an MBA but refuses to work and answer to anyone. His expense is slightly higher than his claimed income (he hides cash sales but I have proof that he earns it). His claim is that I chose a career instead of being a mother and he is home every day. He was awarded for the (90) days my children, I get them every other weekend plus I must pay him 1,700 per month for three months so he can pay his household expenses since he does not make enough money.
I asked my attorney how is this possible because he chooses to not work, he chooses to be underemployed, he has an MBA? My attorney said that this is just temporary and that he is building his case to bury him before the judge. Hubby continuously lied and talked over me so that I could not answer any questions, the control thing. My attorney said that now he understands what kind of character husband has and that in front of the judge he will bury him. All of this even temporary makes me physically sick and nauseated. It seems so unfair for husband to lie and say that I am a bad mother and I wanted the divorce and abandoned the family. I feel that when it is all over I will have to pay him to sit at home and be a lazy person, while I will still have to work two jobs just to pay my expenses and him. And then of course I am completely broke after paying him his allowance. Is all of this really possible? The controlling husband would not shut-up when I talked and my attorney would calm him down slightly. My attorney told me not to worry about any of it. He said that he NOW knows exactly what buttons to push on my husband when we go to the judge.
Promising possibly? I retained this attorney because he came highly recommended by several women to be vicious, demanding and winning in unfavorable cases.
Cried last night all I could cry and now I am ready to fight, but I am still very confused how husband could be so mean after all I have done for our family (housewife, mother, nurse maid, career mom, etc.) all the things that any loving mother and wife would do even when husband refused to do the same.
It's disappointment, but the war is not over. Try to stay calm and make the very most of the time you have with the kids when you see them. Don't say anything bad about their dad, make your time with them special and fun. And when you go to court let your lawyer beat him at his own game. Good luck!
The problem here is that your husband has been the primary caretaker. Yes, he has an MBA, but he has chosen to be a stay-at-home Dad. Was this arrangement discussed with you, as to whether that is what you wanted? He has chosen the tactic that you choose to be a working Mom. You haven't said that what he has said isn't true. That element, who will be available to parent your 15 year, will be the crux of his case. If you felt you didn't have any choice but to get two jobs to pay bills, because your husband just made the decision on his own to be a stay at home Dad, you need to make that clear to your attorney.
nc, I am glad you have found the anger. That will help you in this fight. I think you do have a good lawyer. He was actually trading off the 90 days, which is a temporary decision, to use that meeting to listen, get a good handle on your husband's character, and strategize. What he will attempt to do, when you go in front of a Judge, is push those buttons on your husband. He is going to get your husband to have these outbursts in front of the Judge. It will show that your husband is not emotionally stable. Your lawyer may attempt to get your husband to be verbally abusive to you in front of the Judge. Your husband's lawyer, if he is smart, needs to try to get your husband to maintain his composure. In the scheme of things, his job will be a lot harder than your lawyer's job.
My advice would be to do as I said before and maintain constant contact with your attorney. DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR CASE WITH ANYONE in your life. It is very important to keep your mouth shut on this. Keep a running log of whatever your husband says, does, or threatens. Give your lawyer updates. He is going to need that to throw your husband and his attorney, off kilter, and get him to explode in front of a Judge. Doing that will help your case. In the end, understand that your attorney cannot make you any definite promises. He will do everything he can to win your case. But, it is all up to the Judge. Just maintain your composure when you are in front of the Judge and follow your attorney's lead.
First you need to get over this 'he has an MBA so could earn more' attitude. That has absolutely nothing to do with the situation. The facts are that he has run this business and been the stay at home caretaker for 10 years. You have accepted and lived with that setup for that time.
This means its very likely, he will get custody of the 15 yr old unless you can prove abuse.
Your attorney sounds like he's on the ball. so just trust in him. But I also suggest you look at this from the opposite viewpoint. What if you had been the stay at home mom? Wouldn't you expect him to support you?
You CAN do it! If your attorney is allowing his attorney to dictate the rules, find yourself another attorney. Let your husband know his days of absolute power are over! 
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