I have been with my husband for almost four years and only married for 9 months. After about 1 1/2 years of being together, he became my roommate. He no longer went for walks with me, movies or seeing friends. I had my life and he had his life and we were supposed ot have our life. However, our life consisted of watching TV. I often asked him to come out with me and be with 3 dimensional people. He also still deals with numerous grieving periods during the year with the death of his brothers and parents over 15 years ago.
In 2006, I had a life saving liver transplant where my husband was extremely supportive. Up until after the transplant and on my way to recovery. After that, he feel into even worse habits. He started doing cocaine more often than before (which he knew that I had zero patience for) and he became totally isolated at home. We got married about 6 months after the surgery and during this 6 month period, I became more and more hesitant about going through with the wedding. Due to pressure from family, time, money and effort that was put through for the wedding, there was no way that I could back out. I was hoping that I would get over my reservations.
Now that I have recovered, I have gone through a real self realization. I am more confident in my abilities, my ambition and my potential. I also realize that I am not where or who I want to be. During our relationship, I was very sick and my hormones shut down. I didn't have a sex drive whatsoever and I was a totally different person. Now that my sexual energy is coming back since the transplant, my husband cannot satisfy me in the ways that I need to be. We have spoken to try and accomodate, but it is no help. He has said some terrible things like "I was better before you" and "this is the most peace i've had in a long time" (after I left). That hurts. He is 11 years my senior and he acts like he is my father. He "lets" me do things. What's that about??? We are in so differnt stages in our life that the transplant has made it even worse. I am 28 and he is 39. I don't want a family yet and he does. I don't know if I want a family at all! My gene pool sucks and I don't want to give my hereditary disease to my kids.
I want to live. I want to develop myself as a person. I've been lost for 5 years and I am ready to get back to life. It is unfortunate that I feel that my husband isn't and shouldn't be a part of it. I am not confident that I can stay loyal. I am not confident that I love him like I used to.
When I think about leaving him and what I'd miss...I'd miss the financial stability, the home, his sense of humour (when it did come around), and the way he took care of me when I was sick. These aren't the right reasons. I know that. I've been trying with him for so long that I am now done and tired. I don't want to try anymore and now that my family knows that there is a problem with the two of us, they all think that I am being cold and uncompassionate. Am I? I am talking with a counsellor today and hopefully he will help me unscramble my thoughts, but in the end, I still want to leave.

I need some help and some confirmation that I am not going out of my mind and what I am feeling is normal. Or not.

SUZZIE

u said it yourself. I Want To Leave. Then U Should Leave. He has a drug habit and at 39 he will not get it under control, when he does it will be to late.

DARLYNN27

Hi, your feelings are normal. I have had 3 Liver Transplants. 2 When I was 16 and 1 when I was 21. I am now 34 and still battle with who I am. Unlike you I became ill all of a sudden and my doctors still don't know what was the true cause of my sudden illness.
I got married 5 years ago and love my husband dearly, however, my medical condition is my life. The strain of an illness can be stressful to all those around you. My husband was not around when I was sick, and I know we would have problems. People don't know how to talk to sick people. They are sooo concerned about failing them or protecting them. To be honest he may be afraid that you will get sick again. You must be strong to deal with the demands of transplantation. You are still in the critical phases of wellness. I have sooo much information I could offer you and not enough time!!!! Day by day is the key and stand strong. You must regain who you are and stand strong for yourself. In addition to being a patient I am also a social worker and I often find myself treating myself all the time. Please seek counseling to help deal with these issues, or reach out to your social worker on the transplant team..