okay so im sorry for the long winded question..

right, im fourteen and i live with my dad about 15 minutes away from my mum and sister, they separated about 5 months ago, and i love living with my dad, but the thing is my mum keeps turning up at our door asking my dad for money, she doesnt have a job, my sister pays £300 towards their rent and my dad is paying my mum £300 a week, i want her to stop coming here and asking becuase it hurts my dads feelings.. also i dont want to see my mum anymore until shes got a job and stops ing and whining about not having money when shes not doing anything to change herself, she just relies on my dad like she has done the last 23 years of their marriage. i also keep getting the hint that my mum cheated on my dad during that 23 years, as my dad says when something goes wrong with my mum something along the lines of "if you knew the whole truth of what she did to me... but im not prepared to tell you what happened until youre older becuase i dont want you to stop seeing your mum, its just not nice but if she does it again then i will cut you off" and i have no problem with that i think its fair and when we were talking about a girl he was interested in he says "well i wouldnt get married again, i just want someone to talk to becuase ive been there and done that and i dont want to do it again" and then i siad "yeah and youd have to file for a divorce" and he said "well it wouldnt be hard becuase of the adultry" (him thinking i didnt know what adultry was).. also my dad keeps telling her to get a job and offering to buy her a small van to do some jobs for him and his company as he owns his own successful business as a truck hauler and she refused and said "well i dont want to work for £7 an hour, id rather starve" which i thought was rather selfish as he's trying his best.

she is also telling all her friends bad things about him that he's never done and theyve given her advise such as "i think you should try and get some of his pension" becuase my mum knows his pention is worth a hell of alot of money, but over the years he's payed roughly £150,000 into her bank account and shes spent all of it, also she didnt pay taxes on her money income so she would owe around £50,000 if she tried to get some of his pension, she owes £2000 student loan for when she did a midwifery course but failed, £3000 on her credit card and £2000 to her bank. she says she wants to go back to canada but cant because she is un qualified .. ive told her to get a job somewhere simple like a supermarket or a clothes shop but she says that she doesnt deserve that amount of money for that amount of time.

im so confused becuase i dont want to see her anymore unless she gets a job and sorts herself out and stops relying on my dad. the £2500 my dad earns a month is ours and not hers, but so far we're only gettting around £1500 becuase hes paying her all the time. im sick of it, i want to cut her off but i dont want to hurt her feelings!


sorry for the length of this but i really just dont know what to do about her!

450donn

First of all, remember this most important thought. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
OK, now that that is out of the way. It is up to your father to control or put the brakes on how your mom behaves, or begs for money all the time. The absolute worst thing you can do is get into the middle of this situation. Please, I am not trying to come off as telling you what to do off handed. My parents divorced a whole lot of years ago, and I was forced to live with an alcoholic mother and her boy friend. Was constantly told how awful dad was and so on. so I do know where I am coming from. Divorce only hurts the children. So please be prepared for more of this sort of abuse. It can only get worse, and you need to prepare yourself for what may come.