I need to leave my husband!

N0help4u · Mar 10, 2008, 02:59 PM

I can understand parents not wanting to help because I have seen parents and family going to all the time, money and trouble to get a loved one out of an abusive relationship only for them to turn around and undo everything they do by going back into the situation. Then often times the victim turns on the one that rescued them and takes the abusers 'side'.
They feel like you WILL just do it again.
You need to make a plan and make sure it is going to all fall into place. You don't want your husband to catch on and bully you future for it.
If you can't find a way to get him out then you need to find a shelter for abused woman and take your kids and go there.

If your 5 year old goes to school with bruises they CAN call Child Protective Services and they will come and take all your kids and say you were not protecting them from abuse.
If he is beating on you while you are pregnant your baby could be born with birth defects.
You need to put your kids safety first!

You need to get him for abuse and get a protective order.

noe1 · Mar 11, 2008, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unhappy719

My husband and I have been married for 5 years in July. We just had an all out brawl tonight. We pretty much started fighting about nothing like always and then it blew up like it always does. Anyways we have two kids together and I have one son from a previous relationship. I'm also pregnant. When I was pregnant with my last child, which I just had her in Nov., we decided that I would be a stay at home mom. Also all of his money that he gets from his job goes to his own bank account and the only money that I get is from my child support from my oldest child which isn't enough to make it on my own with three kids and being pregnant. We just don't get along anymore we fight all the time. I need to get away and my family lives in Iowa and I live in NC but they won't help me anymore because I tried to leave him last year and that only lasted a month and they helped me and they weren't too happy that I went back to him. Now he is threatening me that if I leave the state that he will get me arrested and take the kids like I'm kidnapping them. So it's like I'm stuck and he won't get out of the house even though his parents live right here and he actually has somewhere else to go and I don't I'm stuck here with him. Also, he spanks my oldest with a belt. I'm not against spanking like a little swat on the butt with pants on but nothing too hard but he is all into spanking with a belt. What should I do and I'm scared when he will start with my second child he keeps saying he's not old enough yet but I'm scared for the day when he actually is or when my daughter will be. I got spanked with a belt when I was little and I promised myself that I would never do that to my kids. I need help any suggestions would help!
Shelly

That's really sad that you can't get out whee do you live

annsumm · Mar 11, 2008, 08:10 AM

I live in the UK and so do not know the laws in the US but I do know that what you are going through sounds like abuse. No child should be spanked with a belt. You owe to yourself and your kids to get out. Go to friends, plead with your relatives. Don't wait any longer. Call the police if you have to.

mafiaangel180 · Mar 11, 2008, 08:19 AM

I can tell you from first hand experience as a child of a silent parent. GET OUT NOW! I can pretty much bank on the fact that your kids want to leave just as much as you do. As their parent, you are their voice. So take them and get the heck out of Dodge. But before you do, talk to people about getting legal, medical, and mental help, as Tal suggested.

N0help4u · Mar 11, 2008, 08:44 AM

If you don't leave your kids WILL resent you when they are older.
I am willing to bet he is making excuses to beat them over little things that don't even deserve punishment. The younger child not being old enough to be beaten sort of tells me
He realizes there are other ways to discipline but he WANTS to beat them as some sort of power thing.

zcatchick · Feb 1, 2012, 11:02 PM

I don't know if you could actualy be arrested, But it's easy to file for temporary custody to cover your backside. Yes, document everything in a journel. Only you can decide whether he is actually 'abusing' your son. I agree that it needs to stop, but remember that we have to live with everything we do. I'm not living that, but look for family shelters in the area if you deem that it's really abuse, and file a restraining order. I stayed in a shelter before and it wasn't that bad. The other moms understood me there. I felt good.

Definatly get all your information before telling your family your plans, and visiting is a great idea. I'm living with constant lies, broken promises, disrespect and pure pain, but if my husband ever came close to my daughter with a belt, i would have already dialed 911, and hit send behind my back! previous answers are correct about 1 thing-it's not 'accomplise' but you can get in real trouble for not reporting child abuse.

PS:for your sake, if the belt thing is your justification for leaveing, great. But if it's not really CHILD ABUSE, don't say it is. Your husband will carry that label for the rest of his life, and if it isn't true, you'll carry the guilt. Stay safe, and be wise. Staying away can also make a man realize that something needs to change. (and maybe get rid of all the belts in the house, and tell hubby to use his own hand instead)

JudyKayTee · Feb 2, 2012, 10:50 AM

This thread is from 2008 -

I also disagree that the husband should use his hand instead of a belt to punish the child. If the father is abusive the hand is just as abusive as a belt.

I need to leave my husband!

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